My Kind of Forever

My name is yelled and questions are tossed out. Who is she? What about Layla? Did I file for divorce? They’re in luck tonight because I’ll actually answer a question for them.

As luck would have it, there’s a waiting cab that we rush to. I open the door and Josie slides in. I should follow her, but I stop to turn and face everyone instead.

“To answer your question, the woman with me tonight is my wife. As for Layla, she and I are friends. Nothing more.”

I slide in and shut the door, telling the cabbie where to go. Josie is staring out the window and when I try to pull her closer, she takes her hand away from me. Fuck! I lean my head back and close my eyes. How did something as simple as coming to play a few shows end up in such a cluster fuck? I don’t know if it’s Moreno or that fucking book, but things with Josie haven’t been right since I mentioned coming back to LA. I know what this town means to her maybe I shouldn’t have come back at all.

The bellhop is there to open the door when we arrive. Josie gets out while I toss some twenties at the driver. I grab her hand and pull her through the lobby. People stop and look, but only long enough to see who we are before they go about their business.

Thankfully, the elevator is already at the lobby; the only problem is that it takes forever to get to my floor. When the doors open, I don’t take her hand. The show’s over and we’re clearly fighting. Her footsteps are quick behind mine as she follows me down the hall. I open the door, holding it for her as she steps in. If this were any other time I’d have her pi

Josie is looking out the window when I come back into the room. I click the stereo on and open the playlist of songs I wrote about her. I did this the last time she was here, too. Using this moment to my advantage, I step up behind her, my lips ghosting along the exposed skin on her back.

“For years I stood there and looked out the window wondering if you were down there, looking for me.” I move her hair aside and kiss her neck. “I wrote song after song about you, hoping you’d show up at a concert, praying I’d see you in the front row. I knew if I did, I’d never let you go again.”

My fingers slide under her shirt and dance along her waistband. I know she’s pissed at me, but I also know she loves me.

“I’m not perfect. I never claim to be. I’ve made so many mistakes, but the last few years have been the best of my life. You and Noah, you’re my world. I would never to anything to ruin that.”

Josie turns in my hands and meets my eyes. Hers are glassy with unshed tears. “How long after you left me did you sleep with Layla?”

I step back and drop my hands. “How do you even know about that?”

“Why would you keep it from me?”

I rub my hands over my face and groan. “Because it’s my past, Josie. We both have one. In fact, yours doesn’t go the fuck away and is still helping to raise our son. Speaking of Noah, where is he?”

“With Nick,” she mutters.

“That’s what I’m fucking talking about!”

“That’s not fair.”

“Yeah, well, neither is this,” I say, throwing my hands out. “You want to know about my life when we weren’t together, ask away, but don’t get pissed at me when you don’t like the answers.”

Josie slides down the window to sit. I shake my head and wish I hadn’t gotten rid of the booze. I lean my head back and look at the ceiling. I can’t even believe I’m about to tell her this shit. I might as well sign my divorce papers tonight as well.

“How long?”

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I’m unable to look at her so I stand next to her and look out the window again.

“It was… fuck!” I roar and slam my hand against the glass pane. “It was days, Josie. It was fucking days later. I met her at the club and we went dancing. I was in a bad place that night and she gave me some Ecstasy and I went back to her place.”

I can hear her crying and want to comfort her, but I know she won’t let me.

“Did you use a condom?”

“Come on, Josie.”

“Answer me.”

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly, shaking my head.

“She has a daughter who is a few months younger than Noah.”

“I know. She told me the other day when she got to town –”

“She’s yours?”

I laugh. “No, she’s not. Layla was… Layla was easy. She was into a lot of E and a lot of men. I’m not go

“Her husband isn’t the father of her daughter.”

“Jesus, how the hell do you know this… it’s in that book, isn’t it? Did you read that fucking book?”

I step in front of her and crouch down, pulling her chin up so she has to look at me. I search her eyes for my answer. It’s there. Plain as day. “You did. You read the one thing I asked you not to read.”

“I had to. I had to know if you loved her!” she screams at me, pushing me away. I fall back onto my ass and she stands over me. I know who the ‘her’ is, and it’s not Layla. “Why did Sam have such a hold on you that you couldn’t come back? What did she have that I didn’t?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why wasn’t I enough?” Tears stream down her face and I feel my eyes starting to burn.

“I wasn’t enough for you.” I stand so we’re eye to eye. “I wouldn’t have treated you right if you were here with me. I needed to grow up. I’m selfish, Josie. I wanted the whole fucking world and I couldn’t have it. I wanted to be with you, Mason and Katelyn, but I was fucking stuck. My best friend ditched out on me and I didn’t want to look like a fucking loser, so I came here because my grandma offered me a different life. A life where no one had any expectations of me, and if I failed no one would give a fuck.”

I look away, pinching the bridge of my nose. Inhaling deeply, I skip the part about meeting Sam and how if I hadn’t, I would’ve come home that week. Instead, I tell her when the downfall started. “After my grandma died I started drinking heavily. I partied every night and took women home because I could. No one cared about what I did, except for Sam, and she only cared because it wasn’t with her. I was too far gone to come home and, if I had, I wouldn’t have stayed.”

It’s a long moment in time before I’m standing in front of her again, cupping her face. I press my forehead against hers, letting her tears wet my hand. “Please don’t let those years I was gone haunt us.”

“But they are.”

“How?”

Josie clutches my wrist as she closes her eyes. “Because I read that book. I broke your trust and now I’m questioning everything about our lives. There are things in Sam’s journal that hurt us.”

“Like what?”

“Like Mason… he came here for you, right after you signed with your agent. He waited at her office for two days looking for you.” I drop my hand and step away.

“I didn’t know.” If Sam weren’t dead, I’d be strangling her right now. The fact that she kept so much from me, kept me from knowing I had people who cared about me, burns me on the inside. This is just one more reason why I can’t be a part of Moreno’s plan. He raised that bitch, and he’s just like her.

“Would you have come home?”

I nod. “He would’ve kicked my ass first, before telling me you were pregnant. I would’ve come back for you, but I know you would’ve ended up hating me. I had a dream coming true and nothing was going to stop me. I would’ve asked you to marry me, and I would’ve brought you back here whether you liked it or not.”