Incandescent

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Nix

“I want him fuckin’ found and I want him dead,” I calmly tell the table of my closest brothers and my dad. Beau sits to my left and Jesse to my right.

“You sure about this, Prez?” Jesse asks.

“About as sure as I fuckin’ know Kadence is in that hospital for another night. Her best friend shot,” I shout. I know Jesse is only looking out for me, but Gu

After learning about Holly and the baby, something broke in me. I thought Kadence was go

“Might have a problem with T,” Beau speaks up. “He’s got his markers on him. He might get him first.”

“Well, make sure he doesn’t,” I spit. The fucker deserves to die. I don’t tell the boys Holly’s situation. Kadence made me promise to keep it quiet, but I know if they knew, they wouldn’t be sitting here trying to get me to calm down.

“Fuck,” Beau curses under his breath, knowing I won’t stop until he’s found.

“Think about this, Nix,” Brooks says, trying to reason with me. The problem is I’ve lost all reasoning. I lost it all when I watched my girl mourn with her best friend.

“Think about the situation,” he continues.

“Brooks,” I warn, cutting him off. “How would you feel if some asshole put his hands on Kelly and nearly strangled her to death?”

“I get you, brother. I do, but we have to be smart. All that hard work getting us clean will be for nothing. Think about Z,” he pushes.

“I am fuckin’ thinkin’ about Z,” I shout out across the room.

“I’ve got no problem doing it,” Sy says, sitting next to Beau. We all look to him.

“No,” I tell him

“Why the fuck not? You got Kadence and Z to worry about. I’ve got no one.”

“I want him.”

“It’s not about that, Nix,” Brooks tries again. “Leave it to T.”

“Fuck T,” Sy’s deep voice booms. “Look where that got us.”

“I don’t like this,” Jesse pipes up.

“Me either,” Brooks adds.

I can see this going around in circles. Jesse and Sy start arguing, Brooks shaking his head.

“Fuck, everyone, calm down.” My pops finally speaks up and the room falls silent as the old Prez’s voice echoes around the clubhouse. "Nix. You're not thinking straight. Your head is fucked up with seeing Kadence. I get it. I’ve lived it, but if this were about one of the guys, you would be looking at it differently. You’ve got this shit with Addison and Z. You can’t be getting yourself into a situation that will come back on you. Kadence is coming home tomorrow. You need to be here for her. Don’t make the same mistakes as I did.” He speaks directly to me, his tone telling me to get my head out of my ass. I know what he is saying is true, but this untapped rage is spurring me on. The last time I felt like this was when my mother was killed.

“I’ll fucking do it,” Sy says again.

“No one is fucking doing anything,” Brooks barks. “This club has seen too much shit. I’m not go

I know what they are saying is true; this isn’t who we are, what I am, but if we don’t get a handle on Gu

“Fuck.” I run my hands over my face, frustrated. “Fine, I’ll give T a week, and then I’m goin’ after him,” I agree, and mean it. If T doesn’t handle it, I will make it my mission to fucking kill him.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Kadence

The smell of Zane’s breath over me, the coolness of the gun meeting my forehead, wakes me in a screaming cold sweat.

“Fuck,” Nix sighs next to me. “You okay, babe?” He pulls me closer to him, his strong arms protecting me.

“Yeah, I’m good,” I lie, the reminder of what we went through still fresh in my memory. Some nights I sleep peacefully knowing that Nix will keep me safe, and other nights, I wake myself screaming, trying to escape the darkness. Those nights are the worst, Nix having to hold me down as I lash out at an empty threat. I know it’s going to take time to move past it all. It's only been eight weeks since I left the hospital.

“I hate this so fuckin’ much.” His lips come to my hair, kissing and breathing me in. I hate that he has to see it too, but I can’t stop the ugly memories from visiting me in the middle of the night.

“Imagine how Holly feels?” I know it’s not my fault, and saying those words to Nix is the wrong thing to say, but the guilt I’m feeling just won't leave. That night did more than just mess with her. Losing the baby she was carrying and getting shot broke something in her that I don’t think anyone can fix. The first four weeks after leaving the hospital, she wouldn’t talk to anyone, pushed everyone away. I tried my best to break through. That one moment in the hospital room was the only time I ever felt close to her. When Nix came in and took me back to my room was the moment I lost her again. She built her walls so far up, even I couldn’t scale them. It’s been hard not knowing if she blames me for that night.

“Holly is dealin’ with her shit the best way she can, Kadence, but if you don’t stop blamin’ yourself, you won't get better.” Nix turns me to face him. The light of the moon sends a soft glow through the window, outlining his face by the shadows. I know he’s right, but what Zane took from her, I can’t ever give back.

“Didn’t she just start a new job?” he asks, sitting up and flicking the bedside lamp on. This has become our new norm. On the nights I wake up, we end up spending the next half-an-hour talking about anything and everything. It's Nix’s way of trying to get me to forget the nightmare I just woke up to.

“Not yet. Next month, she starts back at a new salon, new clients.” I sit up against the headboard, resting my head on his shoulder.

“That’s good, babe. Just give her some more time. She’s comin’ to the clubhouse for your birthday party, so that’s progress.” I nod, agreeing with him. I wouldn’t be having a damn party if Nix didn’t insist.

“My parents said they would take Z for the night,” I tell him as his fingers wrap around mine.

“Good, ‘cause I have plans for you next weekend.” He grins his sexy grin.

“Can’t you have plans for me tonight?” I whine. Yes, whine. I am seriously over my Nix rations. I’ve been on bed rest and light duties. Apparently, sex is not classified as light duties.

“Kadence, how many times do I have to tell you? Not until the doctor clears you.”

“Nix, you won’t hurt me,” I try to convince him. I know it won’t get me anywhere; the man is too strong to break. I’ve begged, cried and even tried to seduce him. Nothing.

“You want my mouth?” he asks, rolling me over to my back and covering me.

“No, I want your cock.”

“You can have my cock in your mouth,” he offers

“I want your cock in my pussy.” I lift my hips off the bed, trying to find some friction.

“Fuck, Kadence, don’t be a tease. You know I won't cave.” He pushes my hips down with his body weight. I pout like a child. Asshole.

The doctors put me on strict restrictions for the first month and then limiting physical activity for another 4 weeks. I know I will be fine, but Nix is just too damn stubborn, and as much as the dirty teenager acts help fill the void, there is nothing better than feeling him sink himself deep inside of me.

“Nix, it’s been sixty days. Sixty longs days since I’ve felt you in me, pounding into me, destroying me. I need you.” I try for the begging this time. I’m not lying. I do need him. I need him more than my next breath. I crave that co