Every Wrong Reason

He gave me a sardonic look and shook his head. “I got divorced three years ago. I should know better.”

His comment took my breath. I had never thought much about people in the midst of divorce before my own. I didn’t even know that many that had gone through one. They seemed to be only stories my mother told me over Sunday di

I never thought it would be me. I never thought I would be the restless girl or that Nick would be the deadbeat husband. Because according to my mother only worthless people got divorced.

“I’m so sorry,” I told him quickly. This time it was me that put my hand on his shoulder. “I didn’t know.”

His deep chocolate eyes found mine and held them. “It was before I came here.”

“How long were you married?” My curiosity couldn’t be helped. Eli was gorgeous and an excellent teacher. He was a total catch. I couldn’t imagine a woman not wanting to stay with him.

But I had once thought that about Nick too.

“Ten years,” he answered with the slightest catch in his voice. “We were high school sweethearts.”

We were quiet for a while as I heard all of the words he didn’t say. The feelings that he didn’t admit.

“Nick and I met in college,” I admitted softly.

He turned around and sat down on the edge of my desk. His hands landed next to his hips and he leaned forward attentively.

I realized how strange it was to have this man’s undivided attention. Nick didn’t listen to me unless we were in the middle of an argument.

I couldn’t count how many stories I’d told him only to have him lift his head and look at me like a lost puppy. “Huh?” he’d say. “Did you say something?”

I swallowed down the hurt of that memory and allowed myself to enjoy Eli’s focus. I licked my dry lips and spoke beyond the fresh lump in my throat. “I thought we were perfect for each other.”

“There’s no such thing as perfect,” Eli commiserated.

I groaned, “I know that now.”

Eli stared at his scuffed brown loafers, so I took the opportunity to study the lines and planes of his face. His jaw was clean-shaven and smooth and his nose had small indents where his glasses rested. They were tucked into his pocket now, the end of one side poking out in the most adorable way.

He had great hair, great shoulders and great hands. He was so purely male that I knew half the female population of Hamilton High was deeply in love with him already and it was only September.

Not to mention I had heard really great things about his classes. He wasn’t just a good guy, he was a good teacher.

And he understood what I was going through.

That was made evident when he confessed, “I remember getting to this point with Naomi and hating myself. It wasn’t that I didn’t love her anymore, it was that I couldn’t stand to be around me.” His eyes slowly lifted to meet mine. I felt his embarrassment behind his thick lashes. “Does that make me the most selfish man alive?”

I rushed to assure him that it didn’t. “I know exactly what you mean.” I pulled my thick hair over one shoulder and ran my fingers through the ends nervously. “I’ve actually been thinking about that a lot. It’s like Nick and I are mostly good people… until you put us together. Then we’re miserable and mean. I’ve never treated… I’ve said some horrible…” I let out a shaky breath. I barely knew Eli. These things were personal; I didn’t need to share them with strangers.

“You’re just not right for each other, isn’t that it? You’re good people, but better people apart.”

I bravely met his gaze again. “That’s exactly it. We are better friends than husband and wife.” But even as I said the words they felt like a lie. I didn’t know if we were better friends. We had never been friends. And I seriously doubted the probability that we would become friends now.

“Does it get easier?” My words trembled as they fell from my lips. I needed him to tell me yes. I needed him to offer hope.

“It does,” he said solemnly. “It will.”

Relief, sweet and strong, pulsed through me. I felt hot tears prick at my eyes. I held them back, frustrated that I could still cry at the drop of a hat. I needed to pull myself together. I needed to get a grip.

To my embarrassment, he noticed right away. “Hey,” he soothed. His big arms wrapped around me and pulled me into a comforting hug.

I was so shocked at first that I didn’t know what to do. But he didn’t give up, he didn’t let go. After a few more moments, I couldn’t fight the warmth of his touch or the promise of his comfort. I let my arms encircle his hard torso and sank into him.

“Thank you.”

He squeezed me tightly for another elongated moment before releasing me. “It’s still fresh,” he consoled. “Give it time. Remember what it’s like to live alone and you’ll be fine, Kate. You’re a tough cookie.”

I wrinkled my nose. “How would you know that?”

“You work here, don’t you?” His playful smile put one on my lips too. “You have to be tough.”

“Or stupid,” I laughed.

His expression straightened, turning serious with his sentiment, “Well, you’re definitely not that.”

My stomach fluttered unexpectedly. I hadn’t been anticipating such a sweet compliment. “Thank you,” I told him. “Again.”

He moved toward the door, offering me a small wave as he pulled his black-framed glasses from his pocket. “Any time. I mean that. Any time you need to talk, I’m just a few doors down.”

I was too flustered to respond, so I nodded slowly and pressed my lips together to keep from smiling too big.

He disappeared through the doorframe and I stood there for a long time after, just staring at the blank space. I needed to prep for my next class, but I couldn’t get over Eli and his surprising friendship.

I hadn’t been open with anyone that wasn’t Kara in a long time. And I hadn’t had a man’s opinion in my life for longer than that.

Nick didn’t count since he rarely gave his.

Neither did my dad or brother since I never listened to theirs.

And not only had Eli been nice… but he’d understood too.

He hadn’t judged me. He hadn’t dismissed my feelings or made me feel bad for having them. He’d been through what I had and promised it would get better.

I held those words close to my broken heart. I let them take root in my chest and bloom with promise.

I needed it to get better. I needed to know I could survive this.

Because right now… right now leaving Nick… healing from our broke

It all felt impossible.

Chapter Five

12.  We never talk anymore.

Friday night used to be the best night of the week. Once upon a time… before my age started skirting thirty and responsibility became more important than tequila shots and dancing the night away.

Also, since when did hangovers evolve into the bubonic plague? In our younger years, Nick and I could walk the thin line between alcohol poisoning and passing out in a friend’s bushes, then wake up the next day refreshed and ready to do it all over again.

Now two beers were enough to land me on my ass for the rest of the weekend with a nasty headache and Exorcist-style puking.

Nick wasn’t like me, though. He could still party unapologetically like he was at his bachelor party every single night. Which worked well for him.

He was in a band. A band.

But not the Backstreet Boys. Nick was the farthest thing from a Backstreet Boy. Thank god.

He had been named Nick Carter before the crooning boy band member had ever made the name famous.

Nick hated that he shared his name with someone else. I loved it. Not because I had a thing for boy bands. But because I could give him an endless hard time about it.