Every Wrong Reason

He ran a hand over his shaved head and his eyes glinted with the promise of torture. “Bad Taco Bell.” His large hand dropped to his stomach where he rubbed it dramatically. “I’ve got the shits.”

I swallowed down pure, raw frustration as the rest of the class laughed and threw crass insults at him. This was what he did. Although it was very possible Taco Bell did give him the shits- we’d all been there. But this was his regular MO. He wanted to rile up my classroom until it was complete chaos.

He didn’t like me and I barely tolerated him. He had been a nuisance two years ago, but this year he had declared war on the first day when I asked him to be quiet and he had asked me if I was on my period. In front of the entire class.

His exact words were, “Damn, Teach, you on the rag? Why you so worked up? We just chillin’.”

I had made him write “Excuse me, Mrs. Carter, are you feeling okay? You seem upset. I’m sorry for interrupting you,” five hundred times as a graded essay.

He’d given me hell ever since.

“Fine, Mr. Allen, go to the restroom and take care of your… bowel issues.” The class broke into hysterics again.

Jay flashed me a wide, toothy smile. He jumped from his seat and sauntered through the narrow aisles. He dropped two fingers on the edge of Keira Williams’s desk and tapped twice. Keira sank down in her chair, a silly grin on her face.

I watched her while Jay grabbed the bathroom pass and left the room with as much noise and commotion as he was capable of. Keira glanced at the door, that happy smile still on her face.

She turned back to me and tentatively raised her hand.

Apparently, these kids thought I was an idiot.

“Yes, Keira?”

“I need to go to the bathroom too,” she said shyly.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and give her a lecture on how love isn’t real; it’s only something our imaginations make up to make our libido feel better about itself in the morning.

Unfortunately, I didn’t think the school board would appreciate that particular truth bomb.

“Let me guess, you had Taco Bell for lunch too?” I immediately regretted the snide tone to my voice when Keira’s eyes went huge with embarrassment and she tried to melt into her chair.

I realized too late that even though her horny teenage hormones had no place at school, it wasn’t my responsibility to warn her off men. I was only responsible until graduation.

“No,” she answered quickly.

Damn high school girls and their low self-esteems. “I’m sorry, Keira,” I told her with real remorse. “But you’ll have to wait until Jay comes back.”

She looked at the door longingly and I watched disappointment pull her features.

Had she really thought I’d let her leave for a mid-period hookup in the bathroom? I looked back at the whiteboard and contemplated giving up my lecture on dangling participles and replacing it with one on self-respect.

A skeezy tryst in the old boy’s locker room wasn’t going to do anything but give her athlete’s foot and a reason to feel shame.

I hated that she wanted that for herself. I hated that Jay expected it from her.

Jay eventually came back looking impatient and aggravated. He shot Keira a look that I did not miss. She shrugged apologetically, but there was nothing she could do. The teacher had spoken.

The rest of class went by without incident, but I could feel Jay’s angered glare as the minutes ticked by. As frustrated as I felt with him, his simmering anger got under my skin.

Fear fluttered in my chest and coiled in my stomach. This kid might be thirteen years younger than me, but he was bigger, taller, and he had more muscle than I could ever dream of.

I rationalized that he would retaliate in a way that drove me crazy, but wouldn’t physically harm me. He wasn’t stupid. He was too smart for his own good.

But rationalizing didn’t help.

I breathed out slowly when the bell finally rang. Loud laughter and chatter filled up the once quiet space but faded as the students filtered into the hall.

Jay lingered behind. I could see Keira waiting for him in the hallway, but he wasn’t in a hurry to catch up to her.

“You’re ruining my game, Ms. C.”

“You’re ruining my class, Mr. Allen.” I tilted my chin in a display of confidence I did not feel.

His deep brown eyes narrowed. “I didn’t think you were this kind of teacher.”

I leaned forward, emboldened by righteous anger. “And I didn’t think you were that kind of an asshole, Jay. During class? Really? Have some respect for her.”

He cocked his head back, shocked at my candidness. A slow grin pulled at his lips and my mouth went dry. Was he going to tell on me? Turn me into Mr. Kellar? I could get in a lot of trouble for speaking to a student like that.

“When she asks for it, I’ll give it to her,” he chuckled, the i

He turned away from me and strutted toward the door. I couldn’t help but call after him, “Be better than that!”

He waved at me without turning back around, “Sure thing, Ms. C.”

The door slammed shut behind him and I resisted the urge to puke. I placed my hands on my desk and leaned heavily on them. I dropped my head and focused on breathing. Holy shit.

Jay Allen wasn’t the first difficult student I’d had. I’d called the cops more than once and I had been threatened at least once a semester since I started here.

The ego these boys carried around with them was incredible. They thought they owned the world and worse than that, they thought they deserved the world. They didn’t appreciate a teacher that expected them to work hard and try at something other than sports or hitting on girls.

Sometimes the girls were even worse.

Entitled.

Cocky.

Neglected.

Underprivileged.

Apathetic.

These kids were a dangerous mixture of abandon and overpromise. I had to skate the fine line between realistic expectations and stern discipline.

Not one of them respected me for it.

A knock at my door and a deep voice pulled me from the turmoil of my thoughts. “Kate, are you okay?”

I looked up to find Eli Cohen standing in my doorway with a concerned expression on his face. His dark eyes swept over me, taking stock of everything that could be wrong.

“Rough day,” I squeaked out. Fear still pounded in my chest and I wondered if I should go to Kellar. Nothing happened. Jay hadn’t even threatened me. But years of experience taught me that I should trust my gut instinct.

“Your ex-husband?” Eli guessed.

I winced, unprepared for his question. A cynical smile tilted my lips and I stared at my shoes when I answered, “No, not Nick. I, uh, I had an altercation with a student.”

Eli crossed the threshold and stood before me in three seconds. His large hands landed on my biceps, squeezing them compassionately.

I jumped at his touch. When was the last time a man had touched me? Even Nick?

Not for a very long time.

Eli’s closeness immediately felt wrong. I had the strongest urge to smile politely and wiggle away from him. But I realized those were silly thoughts. I wasn’t betraying Nick.

There was nothing left to betray.

“I’m so sorry,” Eli apologized. “I shouldn’t have assumed… I’m so sorry. Really. That was really stupid of me.”

“It’s okay,” I promised him. In the end, I did shrug off his hands. They were too awkward and my head wasn’t right. Plus, I started to worry about someone walking into the room and getting the wrong idea. “It could easily have been my divorce. It’s been a weird few months.”

Eli’s concerned frown made me feel a little better. “I’m a jackass.”

Surprised laughter bubbled out of me. “You’re not.”

“I am. What idiot walks in on a distraught woman and immediately brings up her divorce?”

My smile was soft and endearing. “It’s really okay.”