Paper Thin

She lifted her shoulders toward her ears in a slow shrug. “Nothing. I’ve just been hanging out.”

“Why aren’t you dressed for your party?” Had I gotten my weekends mixed up? Was her party next weekend? I tried to remember today’s date, but couldn’t.

“The party isn’t until tomorrow night,” my sister said, finally putting me out of my misery.

My mouth fell open. “What?”

She gri

I couldn’t believe her. “I raced all the way here thinking I was late. What if I had died?”

She laughed. “You didn’t die, so everything is okay.”

My lips twisted into a smile against my will. I wanted to be angry with her, but I couldn’t. She knew me too well. That was the problem.

“God.” I brought a hand up to swipe a few stray hairs away from my forehead. “I thought you were going to be so pissed at me. I freaked out, and was actually contemplating changing into my dress in the driveway so I wouldn’t embarrass you more when I walked in.”

“Aw, how sweet.” Her hands clasped the area over her heart in mock affection before she stepped off the porch and walked toward me. “You were go

I rolled my eyes. “Only because I thought I was late.”

“Come here.” She pulled me into a hug. “Now I know you really love me.”

I wrapped my arms around her. Emma was taller than me by about four inches. Mom always said Emma got her height from our dad. I took after Mom, and was a little on the shorter side, topping out at five-foot-two. Other than the height difference and the length of our hair, we looked nearly identical. We were both blessed with our mom’s soft features and slender frame as well as her brown wavy hair. I had more freckles than Emma, and her eyes were more of a hazel color than my green ones.

“I can’t believe you’re getting married,” I said.

Emma released me from her bear hug and took a step back. Color darkened her cheeks, and I wondered what she must be feeling. Was this as strange for her as it was for me? “I know. Me too.”

“So, who is this mysterious lover of yours?” I tipped my head to the side. I’d thought about it until I’d given myself a headache, trying to figure out if she had mentioned anyone to me. Finally, I concluded she hadn’t. My sister had been keeping a secret from me. A big one. “I’ve been wracking my brain, trying to figure out if I missed you mentioning him since I got your letter. Is he someone I know, or is he someone you managed to meet?”

A large smile swept across her face. Whoever he was, thinking about him made my sister light up. Warmth I hadn’t expected to feel during this trip filled me. Emma was happy. She had found someone who made her happy, and I loved that. She deserved it.

“Well, actually—” Her words were cut off as the screen door to the house flew open, drawing both of our attention to it. It slammed shut behind our mother as she rushed down the porch steps toward me.

The sight of her caused all sorts of emotions to stir within me. Maybe this was because she was dressed for a blizzard. Why was she dressed for a blizzard in late April? We lived in the south, not Alaska. It was chilly, but not that bad.

“There she is!” I was shocked at how normal this moment seemed, minus the ridiculous winter clothes. Mom’s voice was still as sweet as it had always been. Her hair was done in its usual style, and her makeup was neutral giving her the natural look I considered her trademark. Looking at her, you never would guess there was anything wrong.

This was why I didn’t come home often. It was why I couldn’t take care of Mom; she looked too normal. If my mother’s sickness was something I could see eating away at her, then maybe I could handle it. I liked to think, if that were the case, I would be right beside Emma, helping to take Mom to her appointments and watching over her when Emma needed a break.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t how this disease worked. It didn’t affect my mother’s physical appearance, only her state of mind.

“Hey, Mom.” My voice was small and weak, scared sounding. I cleared my throat. “How are you?”

“Good, good. How was your trip?” Her arms wrapped around me in an even stronger bear hug than what Emma had given. The scent of lilacs hit my nose, and I buried my face into her puffy jacket, loving the familiarity of the scent.

Warmth slipped through me. I had missed this. I had missed her. I’d even go so far as to say that I had missed Emma, even after the little stunt she pulled on me. Maybe coming home more often wouldn’t be so bad.

“Now, Debbie, I want to know everything about your trip. Don’t leave out any details. I’ve been wondering all day what it was like for you on that cruise,” Mom said as soon as she released me. “I’ve wanted to go on one myself, but never had the guts to be surrounded by water for so long.”

My heart sank to my toes. I opened my mouth to answer her, correct her, but I couldn’t speak. She thought I was someone else. My mom thought I was her deceased little sister, Debbie. Didn’t she recognize me as her daughter?

“Now, Mom, this isn’t Debbie. This is Charlotte,” Emma said in a soft, soothing voice. “Remember? I told you Charlotte was coming for a visit this weekend.”

Mom reached up and cupped the sides of my face. Her hands were cold against my hot cheeks. Ice cold. Death cold. I shifted my stare between her green eyes, the ones that matched mine, searching for the recognition that should be there. I counted my heartbeats, waiting for her to remember me. Her little girl. The youngest of her two children. Her wild child with such a free spirit. Why wouldn’t her mind allow her to remember me? Did she always remember who Emma was? Was I not memorable enough as a daughter? How could she forget me?

My mind continued to spin out as the seconds ticked away. This moment was why I chose to stay away. I couldn’t handle this. I took Mom’s moments too personally.

“Oh, Charlotte. That’s right. There you are.” Her full lips formed into a smile, and I felt my heart thump back to life inside my chest. Breath filled my lungs once more. She hadn’t forgotten me completely, only for a minute or two. “Emma said you were coming to visit me this weekend. I remember now. Now tell me all about that cruise you were on. I’ve always wanted to go on one, you know?”

I blinked, hoping to keep my tears at bay. “I wasn’t on a cruise, Mom. I drove here from school.”

Her head tipped to the side. She stared at me as though she couldn’t figure out why I would lie to her about such a thing.

“Mom, Charlotte drove from Bradley University. She’s in college now. Remember?”

Mom’s hand lifted to rub her forehead, and I forced myself to remain where I was and not take a step away from her. She was worse than she had been the last time I was home. “That’s right. I’m sorry, Charlotte. I’ve been forgetful lately.”

“It’s okay, Mom. I understand.” I smiled.

I didn’t understand though. Nothing about this disease made sense to me. Alzheimer’s was scary and confusing. It took a person, in my case someone I loved, and forced them to become someone you couldn’t hold a conversation with, someone you didn’t even know anymore.

I hated this disease with a fiery passion.

“Let’s get you back inside.” Emma gently gripped Mom by the shoulders, and turned her toward the house.

I followed behind them, even though every part of me wanted to climb inside my car and hightail it back to my dorm. I was weaker than I thought.

How could Emma handle this on a day-to-day basis? Just that one moment had shaken me to my core.

My sister was stronger than I ever gave her credit for. She was like a freaking superhero.

AFTER EMMA HAD GOTTEN our mom situated in the living room, the two of us moved into the kitchen. I leaned against the counter and watched as she pulled down two glasses from the cabinet to pour us both some lemonade.