Paper Thin

“Is she always that bad?” I asked.

“Some days are better than others.”

I took the glass she was offering to me and debated whether it was the right time to bring up a nursing home again. “How bad?”

Emma leaned against the counter beside me. Her eyes shifted to mine. “Do you really want to know?” There was anger laced within her words.

I deserved it. After all, I had left her to deal with everything the second I got accepted to Bradley. I didn’t even look back. Sometimes I wondered what that said about me as a person, as a sister, and as a daughter. Maybe there was some truth to the gossip that floated around Parish Cove about me. I kept telling myself one day I would redeem myself, but deep down I knew the day would never come¸ because I would never have the guts to. I couldn’t handle this situation. If I had ever felt an ounce of belief that I could, it disappeared when Mom called me Debbie.

“Yeah.” I took a sip from my drink to hide the trembling of my lips, even though I knew Emma could probably tell how afraid of her answer I was by looking into my eyes.

“Some days you can’t even hold a conversation with her. Nothing she says makes sense.” Emma sighed. “I think it’s the meds the doctors have her on. They make her have crazy days.”

I wasn’t so sure about that. It was more than likely the disease taking a tighter grip on her, but I wasn’t going to argue.

“Have you talked with them about it?” It was a stupid question. Of course she had talked to them about it. My sister probably kept a log somewhere of how much she was administering to her when Mom had one of her crazy spells. Emma was smart.

“Yeah.” Her lips twisted into a small smile. “I’ve even Googled the heck out of them to see if it was a common side effect.”

I crinkled my nose at her as a smile forced its way onto my face as well. “I knew you probably did. They should offer up some sort of diploma for a Google school or something. I feel like you have a Google PHD.”

She laughed. “I know, right?”

Silence seemed to wrap around us, choking me with its thickness. Normally, I was good with silence. Not in this situation. This was different somehow. The air between us was charged with too many emotions. None of them anything either of us wanted to feel.

“How many good days has she had this week?” I wasn’t sure why I asked. The words had flown past my lips, filling the silence with their sharpness.

Emma glanced at me. “Two.”

I closed my eyes and sighed. The last time I gathered the strength to ask her, the good days had still outweighed the bad, which wasn’t the case anymore. I took another sip of my lemonade as I built up the courage to get my next question out. It was time we revisited the topic again. “Have you thought about—?”

“Don’t.” She cut me off. “Don’t finish that sentence.” Anger laced every one of her words.

“I think it’s something you should consider. She’s bad enough now.” I pressed forward, ignoring her anger. “You’re getting married. Don’t you want to have a normal life with the guy? Putting her in a home would let you.” The words sounded horrible, even to my ears, but they were truthful. Emma deserved normal. She wouldn’t be able to have that with Mom’s crazy spells taking up all of her time.

She shook her head, and when she lifted her eyes to mine, her disgust toward me was palpable. “You aren’t even here for an hour, and you’re already telling me I should toss her in a home and walk away like you did. She’s our mother, Charlotte! How could you even suggest such a thing?”

My cheeks heated. This conversation was spi

“It is. Of course it is.” She seemed calmer. The anger had seeped from her words and become replaced with something else, something I couldn’t name. “If my sister were here to help me—to share in the heartache of the situation—then maybe it wouldn’t be so hard.”

Disappointment. That was the emotion. Emma was disappointed in me.

“You only experienced one bad moment with her, Charlotte. One single moment where she forgot who you were, and you let it break you. You let it freak you out. Try dealing with that every day. Try spending an entire day with her where she can’t remember your name. Try taking her to run errands with you and losing her like a toddler in the store, because you looked away for a split-second.” Her voice was low, but I could still feel the resentment she harbored against me. “You don’t get to tell me when she’s bad enough to go in a home. You don’t have the right because you aren’t here. You don’t see.”

Tears threatened to burst from my eyes. How could I be so inconsiderate? God, I hated my mouth sometimes. “I’m sorry. I—”

“I don’t want to hear it.” She stormed out of the kitchen before I could finish.

I stood there, gripping my glass of lemonade tighter than I should, staring into the space my sister had been standing. I did this every time I came home for a visit. I always seemed to make her angry. It wasn’t as if I set out to botch every visit home; it just happened that way.

Emma was right. It wasn’t my place to decide when Mom should be sent to one of the nursing homes in town. She was here with her all the time. Emma would know better than anyone when that time came, when she couldn’t handle it anymore. My lips needed to be glued together during the remainder of my stay. It was the only way to keep something like this from happening again. Either that, or else I needed to learn to think before I spoke, which was easier said than done.

The sound of my sister’s muffled sobs sounded from the hall bathroom. I’d made her cry. The desire to apologize to her swept through me, but I knew my sister. She wouldn’t be able to hear my words for what they were right now. The argument would only head into round two if I followed after her.

With a sigh, I set my glass on the counter and sneaked out the back door, needing to be anywhere but here right now.

THE SUN WAS SETTING when I stepped outside, making it feel later than it was. Its low positioning in the sky had already cooled the temperature of the air. My skin was clammy and hot as tears slipped from my eyes. This was supposed to be a good trip home. I was here because Emma was getting married, not to fight with her about where our mother should live.

“What the heck is wrong with me?” I whispered to the sky, swiping away the tears that had finally fallen free.

Inhaling a deep breath, I vowed not to mention another thing regarding Mom’s care to Emma while I was here. This was her special time. She’d said yes to someone she loved, someone she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. That was what I should be focusing on. I only hoped the person knew about our mother’s state and was supportive. Emma deserved someone to be her rock, because I sucked at it.

The sound of splashing startled me, forcing me to take in my surroundings. I was standing at the lake. My breath left my chest in one big, long sigh. I hadn’t been here in ages. It was no surprise my feet had brought me here though. This used to be my favorite place to think.

The splashing made its way to my ears once more. Someone was swimming. I winced at the thought. The water had to be ice cold. Whoever it was, they were crazy. Everyone knew you never swam in the lake until well into June, especially this time of night. Around two in the afternoon, the water might reach the right temperature this early in the year, but it was never warm enough for night swimming until late June.

I started across the dock, curious to see who had decided to take a dip in the chilly waters. The weathered wooden boards creaked beneath my feet as I sca