Carry On

I’ve still got my hands on his cheeks, and his cheeks aren’t so cold anymore, not where I’ve been touching them. And when I suck on his lips, they go almost pink. For a few seconds, anyway.

I wonder how long he’s wanted this.

I wonder how long I’ve wanted it.

I’d say that I didn’t—that the possibility just now occurred to me for the first time. But if that’s true, then why is there a list in my head of all the things I’ve always wanted to do to Baz. Like this:

I push my hand up into his hair. It’s smooth and slips through my fingers. I clench my fist in it, and he jams his face forward into mine—then just as suddenly snatches his head away.

“Sorry,” I say. (I’m out of breath. It’s embarrassing.)

Baz lets go of my jumper and shakes his head, holding on to his forehead. “No. It’s … Where’s your cross?”

I feel for it on the ground around us. When I find it, I hold it up between our faces.

“Put it back on,” he says.

“Why? Are you go

“No. Have I ever bitten you?”

“No. You’ve never kissed me before either.”

“You kissed me, Snow.”

I shrug. “So? Are you going to bite me?”

Baz is getting to his feet. “No … I’d just rather think less about it. I need to drink. It’s been—” He looks around, but it’s too dark to see anything. “—too long.” He glances back at me, then sheepishly away. “Look, I have to … hunt. Will you wait?”

“I’ll go with you,” I say.

“Crowley,” he says, “you will not.”

I jump up. “Can it be anything?”

“What?”

“Anything with blood, yeah?”

“What?” he says again. “Yeah.”

I take his hand. “Call something. There must be hunting spells.”

“There are,” he says, lowering his eyebrows. “But they only work at close range.”

I squeeze his hand.

He takes out his wand, watching me like I’m being an extra-special idiot. “Doe!” he says, pointing his wand into the trees. “A deer!” My magic shimmers around us.

No more than a minute later, a doe steps through the blackened branches.

Baz shivers. “You have to stop doing that.”

“What?”

“Godlike displays of magic.”

“Why?” I say. “It’s cool.”

“It’s terrifying.”

I grin at him. “It’s cool.”

“Don’t watch,” he says, walking towards the deer.

I keep smiling at him.

He looks back at me. “Don’t watch.”

BAZ

I lead the doe into the trees, where it’s too dark for Snow to see us. When I’m done with it, I drop the body into a ravine.

I can’t remember the last time I drank so deep.

When I get back, Snow’s still sitting in the circle of ash. I know he can’t see me; I call out, so I don’t startle him. “It’s me, Snow.”

“You called me Simon before.”

I can see it in his eyes when he finally discerns me walking towards him. I light a flame in my hand. (Not in my hand—floating above it.) “No, I didn’t.”

“You did.”

“Let’s get back to the car,” I say. “The neighbours are already going to think we had some sort of dark ritual here.”

“I’m not sure we didn’t,” he says, following me.

Snow’s quiet when we get to the car. And I’m quiet because I genuinely have no idea how to proceed. How do you pick up from, “I have to stop kissing you, so I can go drink some blood.”

“You’re a vampire,” Snow says finally. (I guess that’s how you pick up.)

I don’t answer.

“You really are,” he says.

I start the engine.

“I mean, I knew it—I’ve known for years. But you really are.…” He touches my cheek. “You’re warmer now.”

“It’s the blood,” I say.

“Would you be heavier? If I lifted you?”

“I imagine. I just emptied a deer.” I glance over at him; he still looks like something I want to eat. “Don’t try.”

“How does it work?” he asks.

“I don’t know.… Magic, blood magic. Virus, magickal virus. I don’t know.”

“How often do you have to drink?”

“Every night, to feel good. Every few nights, to stay sane.”

“Have you ever bitten anyone?”

“No. I’m not a murderer.”

“Does it have to be fatal every time? The biting? Couldn’t you just drink some of a person’s blood, then walk away?”

“I can’t believe you’re asking me this, Snow. You, who can’t walk away from half a sandwich.”

“So you don’t know?”

“I’ve never tried. I’m not … that. My father would kill me if I touched a person.” (I think he really would, if I bit a person. He probably should, anyway.)

“Hey,” Snow says, wrinkling his forehead at me, “don’t.”

“What?”

“Think. Whatever you’re thinking. Stop.”

I exhale, frustrated. “Why doesn’t this all bother you?”

“What?”

“I’m a vampire.”

“Well, it used to bother me,” he says. “Back when I thought you were going to drain me dry some night—or turn me into a zombie. But the last few days have been properly educational, haven’t they?”

“So now that you know I’m a vampire, for certain, you don’t care?”

“Now that I know that you just sneak around, drinking household pets and legal game, yeah, I’m not too bothered. It’s not like I’m a militant vegetarian.”

“And you still don’t believe that I’m dead.”

He shakes his head once, firmly. “I do not believe that you’re dead.”

We’re at my driveway now, and I turn in. “Sunlight burns me,” I say.

He shrugs. “Me, too.”

“You’re an idiot, Snow.”

“You called me Simon before.”

“No, I didn’t.”

SIMON

I’m not sure why I’m so happy. Nothing’s changed.

Has anything changed?

The kissing. That’s new. The wanting to kiss.

The looking at Baz and thinking about the way his hair falls in a lazy wave over his forehead …

Yeah, nope. I’ve thought about that before.

Baz is a vampire; that’s not news.

Baz is apparently the world’s most reluctant, least blood-sucking vampire—which is a bit of a surprise.

And also apparently the best-looking. (Now that I’ve seen a few.)

I want to kiss a bloke. That is a change, but not one I’m prepared to think about right now.

 … Again. I want to kiss him again.

*   *   *

We park the car in an old barn that’s been converted into a garage, then go into the house through the kitchen door. Quietly. So we don’t wake anyone. “Are you hungry?” Baz asks.

“Yeah.”

He pokes around in the refrigerator. Just your typical teenage vampire, getting a midnight snack.

He shoves a casserole dish into my arms, then grabs some forks. “Milk?” he asks. “Coke?”

“Milk,” I say. I’m gri

I wish I knew what he was thinking.…

BAZ

I don’t know what I’m thinking.

SIMON

When we get up to his room, Baz turns on a lamp—the shade is dark red, so it doesn’t give out much light—and sits on the floor at the end of his bed, even though the room is full of comfortable things to sit on.

I sit down next to him, and he takes the casserole dish from me and casts a quick, “You’re getting warmer!”—then opens the lid. It’s shepherd’s pie.

“Do you need to eat?” I ask. “Or do you just like it?”

“I need it,” he says, scooping up a bite, avoiding my eyes, “just not as much as other people do.”

“How do you know that you’re not immortal?”

He hands me a fork. “No more questions.”

We finish the shepherd’s pie, eating out of the bowl on Baz’s lap. He chews with his hand over his mouth. I try to remember whether I’ve ever seen him eat before.… I finish the milk. He doesn’t want any.