The Redhead Revealed

“But, Jack, as much as I’ve fixed things on the outside, there’s still a lot of work to do on the inside. That’s still very much a work in progress, and my baggage, sadly, has become your baggage. The meltdown at your premiere? That’s evidence right there. Do you know how hard it is for me to even conceptualize that you want to be with me? With everyone in the world wanting you, you want to be with me.” I shook my head in wonder. “That’s a heady thing for any woman—especially one with such big issues.”

He started to speak and reached for me, but I took his hands and asked him to bear with me just a bit longer.

Then I told him the truth about the relationship Michael and I had in college. I told him how Michael and I had been closer since I’d moved to New York, and that this had made me question what was “right” and “appropriate” and “good” for me. I told him how Keili had put me on the baby train, making me question things I thought had been decided years ago. I’d had some major tu

“You were totally right when you said I push happiness away. You knew it before I knew it. There’s a part of me that doesn’t really believe I deserve good things,” I said. “That’s going to take some time to change. I clearly have a lot more work to do. But I never wanted anyone but you. You have to believe that. For weeks I’ve been searching for the right time to call you and beg you to take me back, to apologize for being so shortsighted and not realizing that every single solitary thing I’ve ever wanted in a man is in you.”

I’d left my seat by this point and was on my knees in front of him. The tears had begun at Rent and hadn’t stopped since.

He was perfectly silent, just taking it all in. He started to speak again, and I stopped him.

I still had one more confession to make—one that could break him. This was where he’d either stay in this with me, or decide it was too much.

“There’s something else I need to tell you. I know in my heart if we’re ever going to get past this, I need to be totally honest with you. About everything.” I took a deep breath.

Say it. Be strong. You have to tell him.

“A few weeks ago, I went out with Michael,” I said.

I looked at him. The color had drained from his face. His eyes were almost gray.

“We went out for di

I couldn’t finish. I couldn’t not finish.

You can do this. Tell him. Come clean.

“What did you do, Grace?” he asked, his voice gruff and almost inaudible, even in the stillness of the room.

I breathed deep.

“Did you fuck him, Grace? Did you? Oh, God, you fucked him, didn’t you?” he snarled suddenly, standing and leaving me on the floor. I scrambled after him.

“No, no, it didn’t get that far, I swear!”

He whirled toward me. “Did he kiss you?” he hissed, his face stormy.

“Yes,” I whispered.

“Did he touch you?” he asked, his voice a low growl.

“Yes.”

He put his hands on me.

“Did he you touch you here?” he asked, placing his hands on my breasts.

I started to sob.

“Did he?”

I nodded. I nodded in horror at what I had done, what I’d allowed to happen.

He stared at me, and I saw the tears. He had tears.

He sat back down, head in hands.

“This is so fucked up,” I heard him murmur, and I went to him. I was going to fight for this.

“Jack, I’m telling you because I don’t want to keep anything from you, not anymore. When I was with Michael—” I started.

His eyes closed as he winced. Without another thought, I clasped his hand. I needed to feel him, and instinctively I knew he needed my touch as well. He calmed a bit, and I continued.

“You may not want to hear this, but I need you to know. I need you to know how close I came to throwing this away, but I stopped! I stopped because I realized I don’t ever want to feel another man’s hands on me. Not ever.”

I lifted our hands between us and looked down at them. I felt his hands grasp mine more tightly.

“These are the hands I want to hold, that I want on me, and around my waist, and in my hair, and holding my boobies when I go to sleep at night,” I said fiercely, now with no tears.

Jack seemed captivated. He held one of my hands in both of his, and I raised my free hand to his face, brushing his hair from his forehead, then letting my fingertips graze his lips.

“This is the mouth I love—the only mouth I want on me,” I said, allowing myself a slight smile.

He sighed heavily, tension either begi

I dropped my hand to his chest and worked my way inside his jacket. I rested my palm flat against him, and I could feel the warmth through his shirt.

“This, this wonderful heart right here?” I said, tapping his chest. The side of his mouth quirked up a little. “This is the heart I need. And if I have this—and a little schmaltz—I don’t need anything else in the world,” I said, and he smiled, my smile. The smile that had changed my life months ago.

But then his face changed. The smile faded. “But what about everything that you said? What about the nine years?” he asked.

“I don’t care. Clearly you are more emotionally mature than me, so we balance out.”

“What about the fame, the cameras, the photographers? What about people finding out about us? What about the next time someone posts a picture of us and says something nasty about you?”

“I’ll deal with it.”

“Grace…”

“Jack,” I insisted.

“What about Michael? What if you decide you want to be more than friends with him again?” he asked.

“I get it. That’s a fair question. And he will likely be around—we’re working together. But know that there could not be anything other than friendship between us. I thought he was back in my life for a reason, but I know now that reason is nothing other than being a friend and the creator of the show I’m in. That’s all there is, and that’s all there ever will be. I know this, he knows this, and now you know this. I belong to you, if you’ll have me.”

I smiled, and after what seemed like an eternity, he smiled too.

“Now, screw lunch. Let’s go fix this,” I said, tugging on his hand. He finally stood, but he put his hands on my shoulders and once again pushed me away.

My heart sank. What if everything I’d said wasn’t enough?

We’ll deal with it…

I was still determined. It didn’t matter what I had to do. I was never letting this man go again.

“I need to tell you something too, Grace,” he said, sinking back into his chair. He took a deep breath.

“Tell me what?” I looked at him expectantly. My heart began to pound a fu

“Back in L.A, well, something happened with me too,” he said, and I knew without question what he was going to tell me. The pictures in the magazine with the blonde. He’d done what I’d done. I don’t know how I knew, but I knew.

“After the movie came out and I got back in town, well, I went on a bit of a bender,” he said, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes. I took my seat across the table once more, waiting to hear what he needed to tell me.

Breathe…

“I was so mad at you, Grace. So mad, and I was drinking so much and…other things were happening, and I just was out of my mind, totally out of my mind. One night, one thing led to another, and, well, I went home with someone. Totally random. It meant nothing, but…oh, God, Grace, it was awful.”