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“You’re sure?”
nod. “I’m not putting my baby at any u
risk. If I’m negative, then there’s no point.” bite my lip.
“And if you’re positive?” he asks, his voice gentle as
cotton candy.
close my eyes, shivering as the wind whips past.
“I still don’t know.”
400
Rosie
The image of Andy kissing Holly burns in my
memory and feel sick.
All this time— all this time—I’ve been calling him,
leaving him messages, begging him to talk to me
all this
time he’s been calling her …?
Be careful what you wish for think, blinking away
my tears as hurry away down the street. All this week
I’ve been praying for way to make things up to Holly—
swearing I’d do anything, give up anything for her
but
never dreamed it would be Andy. He’s my future. At least,
thought he was.
Perhaps this is destiny?
swallow hard.
Perhaps they were always meant to meet?
If Holly and
had never been switched, I’d have
been brought up here, after all, and Andy and
would
never have met. Instead, Holly and Andy would both be
back home in Bramberley.
And now I’m the one who’s brought them together.
After all, Andy wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for me—if
hadn’t dragged him on this roller-coaster ride.
sigh.
Yet again, I’ve got no one to blame but myself.
401
Holly
stare out my bedroom window at the dark
driveway.
Still no Rosie.
hope she’s okay. Hope she’s not hiding away
somewhere, upset.
Hope she’s going to keep her promise …
sigh. Yeah, right Like she’s really go
me five hundred dollars, after her boyfriend just returned
from out of the blue— to see me
sink onto my bed.
But my appointment’s tomorrow …
bite my lip. could try asking Dad again after he
finishes work, but
But he wants to sit down and talk about it properly
remember miserably. This isn’t something you want to rush
into— there’s no hurry
But how can
tell him there is
hurry, without
telling him I’m pregnant
close my eyes, imagining the whole new can of
worms that would open—something just can’t even bear
thinking about tonight. Everything’s hard enough already.
flop back onto my pillow and pull Kitty’s letter
from my drawer:
402
Dear Holly
know nothing say can ever make up for what did,
or the years I’ve missed …
No kidding.
And know you probably won’t believe me, but I’ve
regretted it every single day since
My heart bleeds.
You’re an adult now, Holly, and while realize I’ve
missed my chance to be any sort of mother to you, hope
you will accept my gift of $10,000
Translation: I’m so rich can buy myself out of any
situation, and usually do.
I’ve missed so many birthdays, so many Christmases,
and whilst know money can never make up for what we’ve
lost, hope it may be useful to you— that can at least make your life easier in some small way as you head into
adulthood— to college, or whatever path you choose
swallow. Whatever path choose
The last thing want now is to make your life any
more difficult, but do fear that now our paths have crossedonce more, the media may try to intrude on your life— as they do in almost every aspect of mine
shudder, imagining reporters swarming round our
house, digging up all our secrets— my secrets—printing
them for the whole world to see.…
Consequently,
feel it would be much better for
everyone if the press does not get involved, and wonder if
you would be so kind as to sign the enclosed form, fill in
403
your bank details, and fax it back to me, so may transfer
your money directly
Ten thousand dollars
glance at the form: the
space for my account details, the paragraph promising
won’t speak to the press, then box for my signature.
Ten thousand dollars
Darling Holly, you may not be my biological
daughter, but you are the baby held in my arms, the child
named, the daughter I’ve missed all these years …
swallow hard.
Please believe me when
say
will never forgive
myself for leaving you. The only excuse have is that was
seventeen, no one knew was pregnant and was scared
out of my mind
bite my lip. She was like me, realize suddenly.
Except she was year younger
feel so ashamed of what did, and understand if you
can never forgive me, if you never want to see or speak to
me ever again. But
would be eternally grateful if you
would accept my olive branch, and allow me to at least help you in this small way, my Holly
Sincerely
Kitty Clare
stare at the letter.
Strangely, don’t feel as angry this time. What she
did doesn’t seem quite so awful. Despite myself, even feel
404
stab of sympathy for her, this woman who deserted me,
whose footsteps I’m inadvertently following.
Yes, Kitty abandoned her baby—but she was
teenager, younger than am. And aren’t doing something
similar— worse even—by considering abortion?
close
my eyes.
At least Kitty’s trying to make up for what she did.
True, money isn’t great way to do it, but as it happens,
it’s exactly what need at the moment. Kitty may not have
been my mother for all these years, but now, ironically,
she’s the one person who can help me out, give me the
money need, no questions asked.
And she’s offered it to me on plate.
In return for
what? Forgiveness? Closure?
guarantee that won’t run off to some tabloid and sell my
story? As if I’d want to. Why would want my life invaded,
my secrets splashed all over some magazine, some paper,
some Website?
And, if not quite forgiveness, can certainly swallow
my pride for the sake of my baby—for the sake of ten
thousand dollars that will allow me to get tested
anonymously, to protect my future—our future.
And why shouldn’t get something from Kitty after
all these years? She owes me. And she’s right, it would
make my life— my decisions—much easier
stare at the form moment longer, then grab pen
and fill it in, sign my name and fax it off.
Perhaps some good can finally come out of this
awful situation after all.
405
Rosie
The frosty wind whispers around my shoulders as
gaze up at the huge two-story lobster-pot Christmas tree,
its cheerful lights glowing determinedly, despite the
darkening night and icy cold, despite the fact that there’s
hardly anyone here to see it—despite the fact that
Christmas was nearly month ago.
The pretty red ribbons flutter in the breeze as
huddle in my hoodie, chilled to the bone, but not from the
wind. can’t face going back to the house yet—not if Andy