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The way we were …
“Holly, please,” he begs. “Just you and me.
love
you.”
Just you and me
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shake my head. “It’s too late.”
“No,” he insists, squeezing my hands hard. “It’s not
too late, Holly, please. You’re still you and I’m still me and
love you so much …” Tears streak his face. “Please
forgive me, Holly. Please.” His voice cracks, breaking my
heart. “I love you, Holly Woods.”
Tears blur my vision as look up at him, biting my
lips to stop them from trembling. Here it is—my excuse
for leaving him, for setting him free, handed to me on
plate. But somehow it doesn’t make it any easier.
“I forgive you,”
say, closing my eyes, the tears
spilling down my cheeks. “But it’s too late.”
swallow
hard, pulling gently away. “It’s over.”
turn and run blindly up the steps, past Andy
coming down, into the house and up to my room before
can change my mind—before turn back and crumble into
Josh’s arms and ruin his life forever.
This is for the best tell myself. It’s better this way.
It’s the right thing. For both of us
throw myself on my bed and curl up around my
stomach.
For all of us
So why does it feel like the end of the world?
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Rosie
watch helplessly through the bedroom window as
Andy walks away down the back steps, out of my life.
Suddenly Holly rushes up past him and he looks
back after her for
second, as if undecided, before
continuing on down. He walks up to Josh, starts to say
something, then Josh turns and punches Andy hard round
the face. gasp. Josh’s eyes blaze with tears as he turns
and stalks away, hurling the daisies scattering to the
ground.
Andy just stands there for
moment, staring after
Josh, holding his jaw, and every part of me wants to run to
him, comfort him—but then he looks up at me, scowls,
and disappears round the corner.
close my eyes, wave of loneliness washing over
me as clasp the beautiful birthstone necklace he gave me,
hanging heavily next to my heart.
He’s gone. This time he’s really gone
And it’s all my fault
My throat dry and sore, slump down to the kitchen
for glass of water.
Andy’s wrong,
do have
right to be here. Jack
wants me here—and Kitty. They’re my parents they want me—I have to stay.
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I’m about to run the tap when hear Megan’s voice,
raised in anger.
“Is this what it’s all been about, Jack? All these
years? Finding Kitty?” she yells.
freeze, my eyes drawn to the closed living room
door.
“Is this why you came to the States? Jeez, Jack, is
that why you married me, so you’d be able to stay?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jack’s voice is low, defensive.
put the empty glass down carefully.
“Is it ridiculous?” Megan asks, her voice shrill, so
unlike the happy-go-lucky Megan I’ve gotten to know
these past few days.
“Then how come you never mentioned her, huh,
Jack?” she demands. “How come you gave me the same
spiel you gave Holly about her mom being dead—when all
along you’ve been sending her letters? All through our
marriage!”
Despite myself
wander into the hallway, drawn
like moth to the flame of destruction.
“It’s not like that! was only sending her photos of
her daughter—of Holly!”
Megan laughs bitterly. “Her daughter is she? No
matter that she’d never laid eyes on her mother till this
morning—that she thought she was dead? No matter that
I’m your wife—for all intents and purposes Holly’s mom
too—but you didn’t think to mention that her real mother was still kicking around somewhere, not so far away—on
our television every week, for Christ’s sake— being sent
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regular updates? That she might just turn up at our house one day and stand there in our kitchen letting me gush
about her stupid show?” She snatches ragged breath. “Do you have any idea how humiliated
feel, Jack? How
betrayed?”
“Megan …” Jack sighs. “Yes, sent her letters, okay—
she’s Holly’s mother,
wanted to give her
chance to
know her. But she didn’t want that. She didn’t want
anything to do with me, or Holly. didn’t think I’d ever see
her again!”
“And now you have.”
“Yes, now have.”
There’s long pause, then Megan’s voice, clear and
controlled. “Are you still in love with her, Jack?”
hold my breath, the silence so long I’m convinced
I’ve missed his answer. Then finally it comes, quiet, almost
sigh.
“Don’t be stupid. love you, Megan.”
Megan sighs. “You know what?” she says, her voice
bright with tears. “I think need some air. Can you pick up
Ben? You know, your second child, born of your second
choice?”
“Megan—”
retreat quickly to the stairs as the door flies open
and she storms through the hallway and out the kitchen
door, Jack in pursuit, but she’s too fast for him. hear her
quickly pattering down the steps outside as Jack watches
her through the kitchen window, his head bowed over the
sink. Suddenly he punches it hard, the dirty cutlery
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clattering in the bowl, my empty glass shattering on the
floor.
pad slowly, softly, back up the stairs to my room,
careful of every footstep on the soft carpet. But still the
trail of destruction continues.
How?
think. How did this happen? Just half an
hour ago
raced into this house, on top of the world,
buzzing with excitement, desperate to tell Andy about
Kitty, thrilled that everything was somehow, amazingly,
falling into place
But actually everything was falling apart. twirl my
necklace miserably. Andy’s right. caused this. caused
this whole mess. And now he’s gone.
just let him go.
Again.
Well, not this time. pull out my mobile and punch
in his number,
thousand apologies poised on my lips.
But he doesn’t pick up. sigh. don’t blame him.
“Andy, I’m so sorry,” tell his voice mail. “You were
right. I’ve screwed everything up. Sarah changed
everything when she swapped me with Holly and,
whether she was right or wrong, should’ve had the sense
to just live with it. To get on with my own life and make
the most of it. With you. love you, Andy. miss you.”
sigh, clutching my birthstone tightly. “Please call me.”
click off and stare at the phone, willing it to ring. It
doesn’t.
curl up on the bed, my head throbbing in my arms,
loneliness descending around me like cold fog.
What have done?
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Holly
dive into the pool, the cool rush of water
swallowing me whole as swim for all I’m worth, slicing
through the water, barely time to snatch
breath as
propel myself forward, one length and then another,
kicking faster, pulling the water past me in swift powerful
strokes. push myself harder and harder, until suddenly
break the surface, gasping for air, adrenaline still surging
madly in my veins.
It’s no good, realize, throwing my head back and
rubbing the chlorine from my eyes. used to be able to