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promised— till death do us part …
However long that’ll be.
blink quickly, reaching into my pocket for my cell
phone; turn it on.
Seven missed calls All Josh. press Redial, then hold
my breath.
It rings for few seconds, then goes to voice mail.
“Josh, please call.”
hesitate, unsure what to say
next, the words need to say playing dangerously on my
lips. close my eyes, take deep breath, but can’t—can’t
tell him. Not over the phone.
“I love you,” sigh, the words snatched away on the
wind as hang up quickly, swallowing hard, trying to stifle
the questions, the fear rising in my chest.
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Do you love me?
Did you mean it when you said you’d always love me,
no matter what?
Even if might have Huntington’s disease?
close my eyes.
And I’m pregnant
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Rosie
check Andy’s text again as
hurry up the hill
toward the glowing neon-pink café, its rainbow flag
fluttering proudly beside the Stars and Stripes.
Provincetown keeps surprising me with its mix of old-
world charm—clapboard houses, traditional churches and
tributes to the Pilgrims—nestled harmoniously next to
brightly graffitied shops, weird sculptures, vibrant art
galleries and liberal gay scene.
double-check my phone, making sure there’re no
new messages. He’s sent four since saw him—the first
from another café, then an art gallery, then the library and
the last from right here.
push open the glass door,
sending
little bell jangling merrily as scour the white
wicker tables, beanbags and hammocks lit by festival of
colorful paper lanterns.
“I canceled the taxi.”
turn to see Andy sitting alone at table beneath
fluffy pink lamp, his rucksack slumped beside him.
“There you are!”
smile, walking over. “I wasn’t
sure I’d got the right place—this doesn’t really seem like
your scene.”
He shrugs. “It’s dry, it’s open. Nearly everywhere
else shut at five.”
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“I’m sorry,” say, sliding into chair. “I lost track of
time. Holly wanted to talk—about everything. It helped,
think.”
“That’s good.” He smiles tiredly.
“Yeah, yeah it is.” nod. “Anything can do to make
this better, right?”
“Right.” He nods, stroking my hand. “So take it you
don’t want to leave, then?”
“No.” shake my head. “No, they need me here.”
He nods. “They’re your family.”
“They are.”
beam, warmth flooding through me.
“And
think
might actually be able to do some good
now—help Holly through this—salvage something from
this whole mess.”
“That’s great, Rose.” Andy squeezes my hand.
“Really great.”
“It is.”
smile, weary with relief. “Anyway, we’d
better get back, coz Jack’s making us soup—I hope you’re
hungry!”
stand up but Andy doesn’t move.
“Andy?”
“Yeah.” He hesitates. “Yeah
think might still go
back to the and B.”
“Why?” stare at him. “I told you, we can stay.”
“You can stay,” he tells me. “You can stay, Rose, and
you should. This is what you came for—this is your family,
your place.” He sighs. “But I’m just getting in the way.”
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“You’re not,”
insist, sitting back down and
grabbing his hand. “Andy,
couldn’t have done this
without you.”
“But now you have,” he says softly. “You’re here.
You’ve told them. You’re helping Holly.” He smiles. “But
this is difficult situation, Rose—it’s really fragile, and my
being here
it’s not helping.”
“It’s helping me!” protest. “I need you, Andy. love
you. You’re the only one who knows me, really knows me.
Don’t leave me on my own.”
“I’ve been on my own all day.”
“I know,” say. “I know, and I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay—I understand.” He sighs. “And it would
be different if thought you actually needed me, Rose, or
even if could help somehow. But I’m not family, can’t
help, and you have to admit it’s easier to talk to Holly
when I’m not there.”
open my mouth to protest, then look away
miserably.
“She doesn’t need an audience, Rosie—it’s hard
enough already. It’s easier if make myself scarce while
you all work through this
and that would be fine if we
were still in New York—in any city, really—but this
town
most of it’s closed for the winter, I’ve been
everywhere else and the only places open late are bars
can’t even go in because I’m not twenty-one!”
“I’m sorry.” squeeze his hand desperately.
“Don’t be!” Andy sighs. “You need to do this, you
need to give all your time and energy to Holly—without
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worrying about me. This is difficult enough for everyone
without me complicating things.” He strokes my hair away
from my face. “How about just give you guys some space,
some time alone together as family to work things out?
I’ll go on down to Washington, stay with my family—”
“No!” protest vehemently.
“Rosie, it’s just
few hours away, there’s
direct
train to Boston—I can be back in no time if you need me.”
He smooths my frown lines. “You’re not really interested
in all those stuffy monuments anyway, are you? And you’ll
escape my Aunt Patty’s inquisition—she can be pretty
brutal when it comes to her boys—ask Lola.” He grins, his
eyes softening as he gazes into mine, and my heart falters.
“Then I’ll come back, or you can come and join me, and
we’ll go on traveling together when …” He trails off.
“… whenever.”
stare at him miserably. When will that be? In
week?
month? He’s right, it’s not fair to keep him here
twiddling his thumbs indefinitely, and he wouldn’t be far
away, but
My heart twists. But I’d miss him so much.
“No,” decide. “No, just give me few more days—
I’ll make this work,
promise. Tomorrow—tomorrow
we’ll spend the whole day together—just us,”
say
desperately. “I’ll make up for leaving you alone today.”
He sighs.
“We’ll—we’ll go whale watching, okay?” clutch his
hands. “Second-time lucky? You can’t leave without seeing
any whales!”
“Rosie …”
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“I want to be with you.”
He sighs heavily. “And what about Jack? And Holly?”
hesitate.
“You see?” he says sadly. “It’s impossible.”
“It’s not.”
shake my head stubbornly. “It’s not
impossible—I love you …” thread my arms around him,
knotting him to me as he runs his thumb gently over my
bottom lip, his gaze troubled.
“So, what do you say?” search his eyes hopefully.
“Tomorrow? Just the two of us?”
“Scout’s honor?” He raises an eyebrow. “Just you
and me?”
“Dib dib dob,”
say solemnly. “Just you and
me
and whole load of whales.”
“Well,” he sighs, pulling me closer and kissing me. “I
suppose one more night can’t hurt.”
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Holly
stare at my cell phone as the first morning rays
peep through my window.
It’s 9:31 a.m.
feel like I’ve been lying here for days, watching the
minutes drag slowly, silently by. Just lying. Just breathing.
Too weary to move, too tired for tears.
pick up my phone and check it’s not on mute.
It’s not.