Reclaiming the Sand

Dania’s unexpected encouragement had renewed my hope. And she was right. I was using her as an excuse because I was scared. Isn’t that what it always came back to? My fear?

With the threads tying me here loosening and letting me go, I knew there was someone I still had to see. Someone who I had let down and disappointed but was the only person I wanted to share this accomplishment with, in spite of everything. I didn’t even know if he would see me. He may yell at me and tell me to leave.

But I needed to see Fly

I picked up my acceptance letter and folded it up, putting it in my pocket. I poked my head into the kitchen. Dania was scrubbing the dishes, using a bit more force than was necessary.

“Hey,” I called out. Dania didn’t turn around, but she stopped her vicious scrubbing.

“I’m heading out. But…thanks,” I said and left the kitchen, hoping she knew exactly what I was thanking her for.

I was thanking her for being the friend I needed her to be.

“You’re welcome,” I heard Dania say softly as I walked out the door.

-Ellie-

The drive to Fly

His pain and anger had forced me to keep my distance. I thought it was the right thing to do. I had been wrong. I should never have let a single day pass without seeing him.

I was an idiot.

An idiot who wasn’t sure I’d be able to repair the damage caused by my pride and urge to self-destruct.

Spring was in the air and heading up the long drive way to Fly

I saw Fly

I’m a dumbass. Forgive me?

Or how about please excuse my chronic case of ruineverythingitis. I’m all better now. Give me another chance?

A knock on the window almost gave me a heart attack. I looked up to see Fly

I rolled down the window.

“Hi,” I said, my mouth dry.

“Are you going to get out the car?” he asked, direct and blunt as always.

I bit down on my lip so I wouldn’t smile and pulled my keys out of the ignition. I climbed out of my car and was almost barreled over by Murphy, who was extremely happy to see me.

“Hiya, boy!” I gasped as he planted his giant paws into the middle of my stomach. His tongue lolled out of his mouth and his tail wagged frantically. I scratched behind his ears and he leaned into my hand.

“He missed you,” Fly

“Yeah,” was all I could say.

“Why are you here?” he asked, not giving me anytime to get my bearings. I dropped my hand from the top of Murphy’s head.

“To see you,” I told him honestly.

“Why?” he asked, his frown deepening.

“Because I needed to,” I replied, my hands starting to shake.

Fly

“I was wrong, Fly

Fly

This was usually a clear indicator that I shouldn’t push him. But I couldn’t leave. Not now.

“Please, Fly

Fly

“Come on Murphy. You too, Ellie,” he called back. And then, without bothering to wait for me to catch up, he went into the house.

Murphy and I followed after him.

Fly

“Thanks,” I said, standing awkwardly while Fly

Fly

“I’m sorry, Fly

“We say that a lot to each other. You and me. It’s always I’m sorry. I’m tired of being sorry. Why can’t we just be nice to each other so we don’t have to say it all the time?” he asked and I was struck mute by his statement.

Because he was right.

And then he went on and if I had been shocked by his word before, nothing prepared me for what he said next.

“You burned my house down. I knew that already. I knew that after you did it. Reggie told me you had gone to jail because of it. My mom wouldn’t tell me. And I was mad for a long time. I cried a lot after I found out. But then we moved away and I stopped hurting so much. I don’t know if it’s because we weren’t in Wellsburg or if I had started to forgive you. But one day I wasn’t mad at you anymore. And then all I could remember when I thought about you was watching television and eating banana bread and laughing at stupid jokes. I would think of you smiling and it made me happy.”

I sat down heavily on one of the kitchen chairs. His forgiveness, so easily given, humbled me.

“You knew?” I asked softly, clarifying the truth.

Fly

“I like it when you’re here. I like listening to you play the guitar and try to sing even though you have a horrible voice. I like riding in the car with you, even when you ask me to turn off my music. And I wouldn’t mind, because I’d rather hear you talk than listen to The Cure.” I was crying in earnest now, too overwhelmed to say anything. Fly

“I don’t want you to stop talking to me because I hear everything you say. And I like sleeping next to you and holding your hand. It makes my heart beat fast when I touch you. I’ve only ever felt that way with you, Ellie.”

I pushed my plate away and leaned across the table. “I like all those things too and I hate how I’ve been. But I’m messed up, Fly

I pulled out the letter from the College of Baltimore. I laid it on the table and put my hand on top. “I got this in the mail today. I was accepted to a school in Maryland. They say I can start in the fall. I want to do it,” I said, watching him the whole time.