Reclaiming the Sand

“Shit, Fly

Why did he care about me so much? What had I ever done to deserve it?

“Don’t cuss, Ellie,” Fly

I ran a finger down the worn neck. It was a lot nicer than the beater I used to have when I was fifteen. That one had a broken neck I had tried to fix with super glue. After my shoddy repair job it would never stay in tune. The frets had been cracked and chipped and it had been missing a couple of tuning pegs.

This one, while obviously second hand, was gorgeous. I carefully picked it up and sat down cross-legged, with the guitar resting in my lap. I wrapped my left hand around the neck, pressing down. I ran my fingers along the strings.

“I used to like listening to you play. I liked it when you taught me. I want you to play again. It made you happy. You used to smile a lot when you played,” Fly

“I can’t believe you did this for me, Fly

But Fly

Fly

But when he did touch me, my heart would with swell with the force of my feelings for him. To him I was precious and wanted. I had never, in all my life, been adored the way he adored me. Not when I was a child being shuttled from one foster home to the next. Not when I was a teenager using sex as a means to co

“Play something for me,” Fly

I reached up and brushed his hair from his forehead. He stiffened but allowed it.

“Can I kiss you first? To say thank you?” I always asked him if I could kiss him. I was still feeling out his comfort level. And every time I asked, I held my breath until he consented. Waiting for that time he would finally reject me and turn away. I didn’t want to think about what I would do if that ever happened.

Fly

When my tongue swept into his mouth he groaned and my belly tightened in response. A deep, glowing warmth spread throughout my body. I ran my fingers through his hair and he seemed to enjoy that. He groaned again, the press of his lips becoming more frantic.

I tried not to wince as he bit down on my lower lip a little harder than I would have liked. He was still trying to figure out what I liked and what he liked. “Not so hard, baby,” I whispered into his mouth, making sure to tell him.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered back, ru

I almost pulled away when he suddenly put both of his hands on my breasts. I hadn’t been expecting that.

He didn’t move his hands. He didn’t rub or knead. He just held his palms over my nipples, his fingers spa

We were still kissing but I was fixated on his hands that sat, unmoving on my chest. Finally I pulled back and looked down pointedly at his hands. “Uh, what’s going on here?” I asked.

Fly

Oh shit, he was starting to rub them. He was gnawing on his bottom lip, another sign that he was upset.

“Fly

“I wanted to touch you. I’ve seen it before on television. It looked nice. I thought I’d touch you like that,” he said, still rubbing his hands furiously.

I wanted to bang my head against the wall in frustration. I wasn’t known for my grace or diplomacy. I didn’t do the whole walking on eggshells thing. I stomped all over those mother fucking eggs, smearing yolk everywhere.

But I had to tread carefully with Fly

I felt the familiar flicker of anger. The desire to lash out and abandon this thing that was starting to prove difficult.

“I wanted to make you feel as good as I do,” he said and just like that my irritation burst and faded away.

I reached over and took his hand and slipped it under my shirt so that it rested on my breast but over the thin fabric of my bra. Fly

“Touch me, Fly

He was hesitant at first but I took his hand and directed his movements. After a few minutes of uncomfortable pinching and awkward groping, he finally got the hang of it and I dropped my hand from his.

It felt good. Really good. I reached down and pulled my shirt over my head and dropped it on the floor. Fly

Fuck me, it was hot. I noticed the bulge in his pants and knew that he was enjoying it as much as I was.

“Use your other hand to touch my left breast,” I told him breathlessly. He did as I told him. He started to take some initiative and pushed aside the cotton bra and touched my bare skin.

My head rolled back as he worked his fingers. “Your skin feels so good, Ellie,” Fly

After a few more minutes he dropped his hands. I opened my eyes and was relieved to see the smile on his face. I readjusted my bra, covering myself again.

“I liked that,” he admitted shyly, blatantly staring at my chest. I laughed and leaned over to kiss his mouth.

“I liked it too, Fly

After that, he wanted to touch my breasts…a lot. And at the most random times. Like when we were sitting in the car. Or walking Murphy in the woods behind his house.

When he tried to grope me at Ma’s Diner, I had to remind him that we were in public and that sort of stuff had to wait until we got to his house. Even if I wanted to let him touch me as much as he wanted.

Our days were spent in beautiful tandem. The more time I spent with Fly

I hadn’t seen Dania since her party. I had been avoiding her. We had spoken on the phone a few times and I was relieved to hear she had been busy. I didn’t feel so bad about making excuses not to see her.