Animate Me

“Ah…no,” I stammer… “I think your bottom looks great…really great.”

“See, this is why I should be dating someone like you…someone who appreciates my ample ass.”

“You’re pretty much perfect if you ask me,” I confirm. “I can’t imagine how he could possibly think anything less.”

“Oh, you!” she sighs. “You’re so sweet. As for Arnauld, I suppose this is what I get for dating a gym addict. He has such an incredible body, but it makes him expect everyone else to have one too.”

I crumble inside. No, I don’t want to hear about Arnauld’s incredible body and what that does to Brooke. I wish he were a sloth with a beer belly and hair on his back. “Does he have hair on his back at least?” There I go with my verbal diarrhea. I need a filter for my big mouth.

“No…he gets it waxed. Please don’t repeat that. He’d look like a monkey if he didn’t.”

“I don’t have any hair on my back,” I point out.

“Noted,” she smiles. “You’ve got that smooth skin, don’t you?” She asks as she i

I close my eyes for a second to try to capture the feeling of her caress in my mind. Then I snap back to the present, realizing that she just called me smooth.

“Well, smooth in a manly way,” I proclaim in a faux macho voice.

“Well, then, your girl must be very lucky.”

And once again I am tongue-tied. Do I tell her that I don’t have a girlfriend? That I haven’t since college? That will make me look like an even bigger loser. As the debate volleys in my mind, she looks down at her watch.

“Damn, I better get going. I’m meeting a friend for a late lunch, and I don’t want to show up in yoga pants and a tank top.”

I bite my tongue and follow her to the register. As I enter the exchange and wait for the receipt to print, an idea occurs to me. “Do you have someone helping you with your data transfer?”

“No,” she admits. “If I did, it’d be done by now. My usual IT girl has been doing a job up north and hasn’t had time for me.”

“Well, I’m pretty good with that stuff, so if you need help, please call me.”

“Really? That’s so nice of you.”

“I mean it.” I pull out my wallet. “Here, let me give you my card again; my cell number’s on it.”

She puts her hand out to stop me. “You don’t have to do that. I still have the card you gave me.” She slides it out of her wallet and shows it to me.

And something about that, the fact that she had held onto my card and carried it with her all week, makes me unbelievably happy.

She grins widely and shoves the bag with the gay cord in her purse.

“Thanks. I guess I’ll see you Monday.”

“Okay, but promise me you’ll call if you need help.”

“Oh, I will.” She turns to leave, and all I can think as I watch her walk away is thank God for yoga pants.

Soon after she leaves, Jimmy can see that I’m totally distracted, so he pushes me to take a break. Perched on the stool in the back room, I think about our conversation and the contrast of how much easier it was to talk to Brooke since even a week ago. I can’t help but wonder if she likes me, even if just the littlest bit. A few times I’ve noticed her looking at me like she’s interested.

Thanks to the newest Mortal Kombat release, the afternoon is busy so the time flies by. It’s almost time to leave when my cell phone goes off.

“Nathhhhaaaaa

“Brooke, is that you?” I ask concerned.

“I’m ready to throw this piece of junk out the window! No matter what I try, nothing works. I’ve just spent two friggin hours, and I’ve gotten nowhere.”

My hand tightens over the phone. “I’m sorry, you should’ve called me earlier. Can I come over and fix it for you?”

“You really don’t mind?”

Oh, let me help you, Brooke…please let me help you.

“Not at all. I’m done here in thirty minutes, and then I can come straight over if you want.”

“That’d be so great. I’ll run over to Whole Foods and get some stuff from their deli in case you want to stay and eat.”

I smile and silently fist pump the air, yet try to sound laid back. “Yeah, that’d be cool.”

By the time she’s done giving me her address and instructions how to get there, I’m completely amped. It’s only day seven, and I get to see where she lives. If this isn’t serious progress, I don’t know what is.

When I get in my car though, I start to panic. I do the only thing I can think of and call my brother, Curtis.

“Hey, Bro, what’s up?” He sounds like he just woke up. He’s always following the stock market and doing weird deals at all hours, so his schedule is impossible to figure out.

“I’ve met someone. She’s the one.”

“The one? That’s awesome, dude! Tell all.”

“Her name is Brooke, and she’s perfect…smart, beautiful, sweet, and so sexy. And you won’t believe this; she loves cartoons, I mean really loves them.”

“No way. She sounds like your dream girl,” he laughs.

“She is. There’s just one issue.” I can hear the big lug breathing in the phone as he waits for my revelation. “She doesn’t know she’s the one.”

“Doesn’t know? Do you mean she isn’t ready for a commitment, ready to settle down yet?”

“No. Actually she has a boyfriend. She doesn’t like me that way…yet. We’re just becoming friends.”

His heavy breathing stops for a moment, and I can hear the concern in his silence. “Dude, that sounds a little fantasy land. I mean if she has a boyfriend, you shouldn’t go engagement ring shopping yet.”

“I know.” I sigh. “I can just feel that it’s going to happen. I’m headed to her place right now to fix her computer.”

“That’s not exactly a date, dude. You need to take a reality pill.”

My spirit is sagging, but I’m not giving up. “Before I get there, you just need to tell me. How can I win her over?”

There’s a long pause, and I can tell he’s thinking what to say.

“You need to be super chill. Don’t let her think you like her—just that you want to be friends. Be a good friend to her, but don’t pressure her. That’s the best thing you can do in this situation.”

“You think that will work?” I ask anxiously.

“Well, how are things with her boyfriend?”

“I can’t tell, really. They’ve been together for a while, but they seem to live separate lives.”

“Well, you can try to give her whatever he doesn’t.”

That idea rings true in my mind. My brother’s smart, and he has always seemed to understand the female species. He’s had a good track record with some really cool women.

“Okay I’ll try that. Hey, thanks.”

“Sure, I’ll see you at the house tomorrow. Meanwhile good luck with the one.”

It’s only a few miles from quiet Burbank to Brooke’s condo in the Hollywood Hills, but it feels like another world. With Brooke’s perfect instructions, I wind my way up the narrow roads and park my Mini-Cooper with the tires turned all the way towards the curb. All I need is for the parking brake to give out and my car to slide down the hill. After I shut the car off, I take a minute to calm myself, taking deep breaths as I rest my hands on my knees.

Each of the four units appears to have their own entrance, and when I ring the bell just outside of Brooke’s wrought iron gate, she buzzes me in. Her front patio is paved in terra cotta tiles. Her wooden door, like the rest of the exterior finishes, is Mediterranean in style. There’s a wild menagerie of potted plants and a little sitting area. It looks cozy and peaceful, and I wonder if Brooke spends much time out here.

When she pulls open the door, she’s backlit from the sun pouring in through her huge picture windows. Her hair is down now, loose around her face, and instead of the yoga pants, she has on a skirt in a vintage-looking fabric. She steps forward and pulls me into a big hug. I try to hug her back without seeming too stiff and awkward, and her warmth and sweet scent surrounds me.