More Than Her

Amanda

Boys in books are so not better. Not compared to Logan Matthews.

I love him.

"So that's a yes to the car?" he asked, kissing me on the forehead. We lay naked in bed, face to face.

"That's still a no to the car. But the fact that you thought of it..." I trailed off. I didn't have words.

"Fine," he sighed like a disgruntled kid.

Then a crack of thunder whipped and rain hit hard against the roof.

He smiled. Huge. "Get dressed!" he ordered, getting out of bed and pulling on his sweats.

"What!" I sat up.

He leaned on the bed, his weight being held up by his arms. He kissed me once. "You trust me, right?" There was excitement in eyes, and for a second I let myself think of him as child. But then I remembered—he didn't have that.

"Baby?" He had a huge grin on his face, his dimples the deepest I'd ever seen them. "Please?"

I nodded, and got out of bed. He pulled something out of his desk drawer and waiting for me to finish dressing. Then he took my hand and led me to the front door, opening it wide for me to step through.

"What are you doing?" I yelled over the sound of the rain. It was thick and heavy. I could barely make out the road in front of the house. He just smiled bigger, and lifted me by my waist until my legs were wrapped around him.

"Ready?" he yelled.

"For what?"

And then he stepped into the rain. It only took a few seconds for us to be soaked. I held on to him tight. He kept walking until we were in the middle of the yard where his car was parked.

"It won't hurt you!" he yelled.

I wiped my eyes with one hand; the other was still wrapped tightly around his neck. "What?"

"The rain. It won't hurt you. I won't let it."

He placed me back on the ground, and held my face in his hands.

And then he kissed me.

In the middle of our yard, in the pouring rain, he kissed me.

And it was like no other kiss in the history of kisses.

You know in movies, where the kiss happens, and the cameras pan around in a circle, and you almost get dizzy from watching it? This was that kiss. This was the make-you-dizzy type, the I'm-giving-you-all-of-me type kiss. And I did, somewhere along the way—I'd given him all of me. And nothing in the past mattered, because Logan—he was my future. My world. My everything.

And then he pulled back. "I'm not going to let anything hurt you. Ever." His hand went in his pocket and he pulled out a gold chain, with a glass vile pendant. He opened it and held it in between us, letting the rain fall into it, and then he screwed it shut and put the chain around my neck. "And now you have this." He lifted it for me to see. "And this." He pushed me backwards until my legs hit the hood of his car and he slowly laid me down, and then he kissed me. And everything around me disappeared. The rain, the sounds, the cold of the metal underneath me. All of it disappeared. And all I could feel was Logan. His warm body pressed against me, his hands in my hair, and his mouth on mine. And then he grabbed my hand and placed it over his heart. "You and me," he shouted. "We're going to make new memories. Ones that you aren't afraid of. And it's going to be amazing."

I swallowed down my nerves.

I loved him.

I loved him so fucking much it hurts.

I opened my mouth to tell him.

Logan

"Don't say it."

Her eyes widen, "What?"

"Don't say what you're about to say—what I know we both feel. Just don't."

"Oh," she said quietly. She slowly moved to get up front under me but I held on to her tighter.

I shook my head slowly. "It doesn't mean that I'm pulling away from you. Or that I don't feel the same way. Or that I don't want you." I took her face in my hands and made sure she was taking in every word I was saying. Because I needed her to hear them. "You have no idea how much I need you—I need you more than the air." I paused, thinking about how I could make her understand how I felt, without saying the actual words. "You know what my favorite part of the day is?" I shouted, hoping she could hear me.

She slowly shook her head.

"It's those few seconds in the morning, when my mind wakes up but my body hasn't, and I feel you in my arms. And I know that when I open my eyes, it's you that I get to see."

She stared at me, her eyes wide. She looked like she wanted to say something, but she didn't know what, so I continued. "I know that you've said those words before. I get that you've been in love with someone else, and that's fine. But I haven't. Not before you."

She gasped.

"I can't give you much, or anything at all. But when I say those words to you, it won't just be words—It will be me giving you something that means something. And you deserve to know that, to feel that. So please, let me be the first to say it—because I need to be able to at least give you that...and when I do—those three words will be yours, forever. And so will I."

And then I kissed her.

"What are you guys doing?" Ethan shouted.

I pulled back the same time Amanda turned her head to see him ru

Then she faced me.

And smiled.

And it's all I ever wanted.

***

"It's fucking cold," Ethan informed, rubbing his hips. He was laying on the recliner, watching TV.

We'd come in soon after he did, and showered, dried and dressed. We also managed to have sex twice during that time but I couldn't tell you what the fuck order we did it in.

We were laying the sofa, Amanda on top of me.

Amanda kissed me a few times and got up. "I'll be back," she said, kissing me once more. I watched her leave.

"Dude, don't look at my sisters ass when I'm in the room."

I laughed.

"I'm not even joking."

I laughed harder.

She walked back in with a mug and handed it to Ethan, who smiled up at her. "Marshmallows?" he asked her, with eyes big like a little kid.

"Of course," she answered. "Only the best for you, big bro."

Then she walked out of the room again, only to return a few seconds later with his comforter. She placed it over him and tucked it around him like he was a Goddamn baby.

"Thanks, Demander."

"You're welcome, asshole."

"Seriously, though," his face turned serious. "You're going to make a good wife to some asshole some day."

She laid back down on top me. "Aw, thanks Ethan."

Then he smirked and jerked his head in my direction. "Hopefully not that one."

Amanda chuckled.

"Aw." I mock pouted at him. "Sad face emoticon."

THIRTY SEVEN

Logan

"I have something to tell you and I don't want you to be mad."

Her eyes narrowed at me. "Logan, that's like saying here's a fucking cookie, don't eat it."

"Okay," I agreed. "Probably not the best way to start a conversation."

"Nope," she said, not looking up from her toes. She was painting her toenails in bed, one headphone in her ear. I'd just come home from a run and was sweating my ass off. "Also," her nose went up and sniffed, "you smell like sweat stained balls."