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“Wow. That sucks,” I said. “You never even got your ring?”
She cracked a sad smile. “Nope. I figured they’d mail it to me, but . . .” She shrugged and looked down at her hands.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have asked,” I said.
“No. It’s okay. Maybe we should just change the subject.” She quickly reached for her putty knife, but it slipped out of her hand. We both grabbed for it, and my gloved fingers closed over hers. We froze. I stared down at our plastic hands, my heart pounding.
“Well,” Ally said. “That’s romantic.”
And we laughed. Suddenly my palms were sweating under my gloves. I slid my hand away and we got back to work, but I felt as if my whole body was on high alert. There was no getting around it anymore. I was falling for this girl.
Big-time.
ally
“What about this? You’d look hot!” I sang, holding out a brown suede jacket to David in the middle of the men’s section at Macy’s. “Your groupies would be all over you.”
David looked at me dubiously, and I paused, suddely hot with guilt. Did he realize I was trying too hard? When he’d asked me to come to the mall this afternoon to help him construct a new look for his band, I’d practically pole-vaulted at the chance, feeling like I somehow had to atone for all my Jakesession over the past week of morning detentions. But all I’d been thinking about since arriving at the Garden State Plaza an hour ago was how I had to break up with him. How I liked him too much to do this to him anymore. My stomach was in knots, my heart was in pain, and my brain felt like it was going to explode from trying to make myself appear chipper when I was anything but.
I kept thinking about that moment before Christmas. When he’d held my hand and jokingly made me promise that if I went to the Crestie going away party, I’d come back. He was so cute and clueless to the fact that I was the most awful girlfriend ever. And now it looked like I was never coming back.
“I don’t know. It’s kind of seventies,” he said. “Besides, do you really want my groupies to be all over me?”
He looped his arms around my waist and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.
I was a horrible person. A horrible, dishonest, nefarious person.
David turned away without waiting for an answer. As he flipped through a rack of plaid cowboy-style shirts, I felt like I was going to cry.
“What about this?” He lifted a distressed waffle-knit T-shirt off a separate rack.
“Jake has that shirt,” I said, before I could edit myself.
David’s face fell. He turned and jammed the shirt back on the rack. “Never mind.”
“Sorry. I just . . .” I followed after him, my underarms prickling. Was it always so damn hot in this place? “Is something wrong?”
“No. Nothing,” David said facetiously. “But do you even realize that’s, like, the tenth time you’ve mentioned Jake today?”
He turned to face me between two huge racks of Tommy Hilfiger sweaters, his jacket folded over both hands. This was it. This was my chance. I had to tell him the truth. I had to tell him how I felt about Jake. He’d just given me the perfect opening.
“Ten times?” I said with a gulp. “Come on.”
Chicken. Sorry-ass chicken.
“Okay, ten is a stretch, but still. In the Gap that guy behind the counter looked just like him, and in the food court? That whole story about how he ate five Egg McMuffins one morning during detention?”
Crap. Was it really that bad?
“Um, that adds up to three,” I joked lamely.
“You like him, don’t you?” David said.
Okay. It was now or never. I took a deep breath and held it for a moment. This was going to suck. Hard. “David, I’m really sorry—”
“I knew it!” He turned away from me and started speed walking for the aisle. “I am such an idiot. The guy asked you to dance right in the middle of me asking you out. If that’s not a sign, what is?”
“David. Come on. Wait up!” I said, hustling after him as best I could with my bulky coat over my arm and my bag slung over my shoulder. “Can we just talk about this?”
We burst out into the aisle, and a woman wielding a perfume bottle squeaked as she sidestepped out of our way. David stopped in front of a Calvin Klein fragrance display and whirled on me. I’d never seen him angry before, and it was not a good look for him. His face was all blotchy, his nostrils flared, his eyes wet. My heart collapsed in on itself. It was my fault he looked like that. All my fault.
“What’s to talk about? My girlfriend likes some other guy,” he said, looking me dead in the eye. “So I guess she’s not my girlfriend anymore.”
Ouch. That hurt everywhere. David turned on his heel and stormed away.
“David. Wait!”
I wasn’t sure why I was calling after him. What I expected to say. I just didn’t want him to leave like that. I didn’t want him to leave hating me so much that his entire walk was different.
And just like that, my first relationship ended. With all the Macy’s fragrance-spritzing ladies as an audience. I supposed I should have been relieved. I’d known for weeks this was going to happen, and now it was finally over. But I’d hurt David. Just like A
february
God, I hate Valentine’s Day. Whose idea was this stupid holiday anyway? Are they dead, or can I still kill them?
Whatever. It’s one day.
Says the girl who has the boyfriend.
Well, don’t worry. I sent you a flower.
Ugh! The flowers! I forgot about the stupid flowers.
I only ever get the white ones. It’s so humiliating.
Well, the flower sale is the cheerleaders’ thing. Maybe you can just kill them.
Huh. That might make me feel better.
At least you’re not a leper like Ally Ryan. Now that
Dorkus Drake dumped her I bet she gets nothing.
Oh, sad. But that would make me feel better.
ally
Valentine’s Day. The moment Qui
I wasn’t with David, who refused to return my texts, my e-mails, and my calls and was now sitting with his bandmates at lunch every day. I wasn’t with Jake, who I hadn’t spoken to since our detention stint had ended almost a month ago because he’d never approached me in public, which made me feel like I shouldn’t approach him—which, after all the fun we’d had together, seriously sucked. And my mom was going away to the Adirondacks with Gray Nathanson for the weekend. Valentine’s Day could bite me.
“Flower delivery! Someone loves you!” Qui
My heart stopped as she reached into her quiver and extracted a huge bundle of pink carnations tied with a red ribbon. Her grin was wide as she placed them in front of me. Probably she felt happy that I wasn’t as big of a loser as she’d thought. I, however, was stu