The Lonely Hearts Club

"Tell me what I can do to make it better," he whispered, leaning in to rub my shoulders.

"Well," I said, "you can start by getting your hands off me."

He kept going. "You used to like it when I did this."

I stood up and pushed him away from me. "Yeah, I used to like a lot of stupid things."

He looked genuinely hurt. "Don't say that, Pe

"You have got to be kidding me," I didn't even bother controlling my voice,

I heard loud footsteps on the stairs, and in a few seconds Rita was in my room. "So help me, jerkwad -- get away from my sister."

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I turned toward Rita. "Actually, Rita, close the door." She put her hand on the door. "No, I mean, leave." Rita closed the door behind her.

Nate looked triumphant. "See, this is more like it." He crossed the room, but I held out my hand.

"Stop,"

"Why do you always have to be such a tease?" He winked at me.

I felt hotness rise in my face. I was trying to do everything I possibly could to not punch him.

"How can you stand there and think that after everything you did to me that I would just forgive you? A few e-mails and fu

Something came over Nate then. This strange calm, as if the answer was the most obvious one in the world, at least to him.

"I figured you'd forgive me because I love you," he said.

And he believed it. He was a fake, a cheat, a liar, a scum. But at that very moment, I couldn't sense any faking, cheating, lying, or scumming. He truly believed it, if only for the second he needed it to be true,

"Nate," I said, "you're not allowed to do that. You're not allowed to say that. You lied to me."

I could start to taste bile in my throat,

"Nate, you lied to me."

"I told you what you wanted to hear," he said, regaining his defensiveness.

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"Well, did you think that maybe what I wanted to hear was the truth?"

I could see what was happening. the minute I challenged him, that "I love you" was gone. "You know what, Pen. No, I didn't think that, because you didn't want to hear the truth. You built up some stupid fairy tale about us since we were little, so yeah, I id what I thought you wanted."

"You used me,"

Nate threw his hands up. "It's not like I got very far!"

My body started to shake. "You got far enough."

"Whatever, I think you at least owe me a thank-you."

"What?" I must have heard him wrong.

A smile spread across his face. "The Lonely Hearts Club? You obviously started it because of me."

My mouth practically dropped to the floor. He thought that I should thank him.

"Aw, come on -- you needed to get over me, so you started the club. to be honest, I'm a little flattered, babe."

I looked at him in complete shock.

I tried to remember what Rita had said about being a bigger person. I could either calmly tell him that he was mistaken or let him have it. I could be the bigger person or I could belike any normal sixteen-year-old.

Like there really was a choice.

"First off, you ever call me a babe again and no medical team on earth will be able to tell that you were once a guy."

I was only sixteen after all.

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the smile quickly vanished from his face.

"Seriously, I don't know what I ever saw in you. You're a completely selfish human being. Not only that, you're not nearly as good-looking as you think you are and add as much to a conversation as a bag of rocks. I believe in people learning from mistakes, and let me tell you something -- you were a huge mistake.

"Not only am I never going to make a mistake like that again, I'm never going to have to put up with you again."

I went over to where he was sitting and got in his face.

"You're going to get a job next summer back at home and stay with someone there. You're not going to spend any more summers with us. Do you understand?"

"You can't make me do anything." He crossed his arms.

"Oh, really? Okay, fine." I grabbed his arm. "Were going downstairs and we're going to tell my mother exactly everything that happened this summer -- and I mean everything"

Nate stopped in his tracks.

"Come on, Nate -- you don't think you did anything wrong, so what's the big deal? I think my mom would love to hear what you did to me, especially since you were doing a whole lot more with a bunch of other people at the same time. God, maybe I'll get lucky and be able to be there when my mom tells your mom about it. Honestly, I'm sick of keeping it a secret from them. True, my mom will be disappointed in me for my poor choices and for giving in to a pig, but for some reason, I think she'll have a few more . .. ah, words for you."

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Nate removed my grip from his arm. "Pe

"Stop what? You can't possibly be scared of my mother?"

I couldn't believe I was able to say that with a straight face.

"You know what!' I went on. "Something good did come from this summer. I deserve so much better than you. I always have. So I guess I should thank you for being a complete and utter jerk so I would wake up and see what I'm worth. But in the end, the people who matter the most to me are my friends, not someone like you. You mean absolutely nothing to me. Yes, in a way your actions are responsible for the Club, which is the best thing that ever happened to me. But I owe you nothing."

I turned around and started to leave my room, but had a second thought.

"And, Nate? You kiss like a slobbering dog, you have bad breath, and you wouldn't know how to push the right buttons on a girl if we came with manuals. Happy thanksgiving, Jackass."

All right, I am going to be a bigger person starting right now.

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chapter Thirty one

'No YOU DIDN'T!" TRACY WAS screaming on the phone after I gave her the details.

"Can you believe it? I think I may have gone a little overboard in the end, but I just feel this incredible weight lifted off my shoulders." I was lying in bed with my pajamas on, feeling so giddy the Taylor's had left, and Rita had brought me a big piece of pumpkin pie before heading out for the evening. Life was grand,

"Seriously next meeting I want you to do a complete reenactment for the Club. I'll be more than happy to play the part of Nate. I'll just grunt a lot and shove food in my face. Priceless! Who else knows?"

"Just you and Rita. She thinks I'm a goddess!"

"You have got to call the Club. Everybody's dying to know what happened."

"I will -- t just can't believe that seeing him was a good thing; I don't know what I was thinking. He changed so much."

"Pe

Very sweet indeed.

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I fell into bed exhausted after calling Diane, Jen, Amy, and Morgan.

I had done it. I had stood up to Nate.

I went over to my desk and picked up my old journal and went to the last entry. the one that had broken my heart so many times in the past. I ran my finger along the indentations the pen left. there was so much pain in those words. But now I knew that everything would be okay.

I grabbed a pen off my desk and wrote below my "Yesterday" entry. I wasn't rewriting history, I was just reminding myself that I could get over heartbreak if it happened another time.