That Wedding

"So you left your wedding with a fireman? I see two problems with this. One, you'd already said your vows, so you were legally married to Phillip, and –"

"Let me finish."

"Okay, but...."

"The fireman was Phillip."

"What? So you left Phillip-the-groom at the altar to run away with Phillip-the-fireman?"

"Yep."

"But that makes no sense."

"No shit."

"Okay, let's analyze this. Do you have some secret fantasy about firemen? Maybe you should have Phillip dress up as one and come and save you."

I roll my eyes.

She snaps her fingers. "It could mean you want more adventure with Phillip."

"Maybe."

"You know what it really means? I think your mind is telling you what you already know. That no matter where you go, Phillip is the guy of your dreams and is perfect for you. It just means that you're destined to be together."

"I think it means that I can run away, but he'll always find me. It means I'm trapped. I'm stuck with him."

"I wish I had dreams like yours. They're always so good. I never remember mine."

"I thought pregnant women had lots of crazy dreams?"

"Not me. Not so far anyway. But I swear, I could put a bomb sniffing dog out of work. I can smell EVERYTHING! Speaking of that, I'm pretty sure I smell Phillip and Da

And she was right.

About thirty-seconds later, I smell fried chicken coming down the hall.

Phillip and Da

Da

We turn on the TV, eat chicken, and watch him a

"Not for a long ass time though," Da

Lori says, "Damn, I've never seen you cry, and now you're getting misty-eyed twice in one day."

"I'm excited about what this means for me, but I know someday that'll be me up there."

Lori grabs his hand and says, "Not for a long time, baby. Not for a long time."

I really hope and pray she's right about that. One time in middle school when Da

Phillip and I leave the hospital to let Lori rest. They're letting her go home soon. We did a little shopping and had di

I'm laying on his shoulder thinking about how amazing he is. There's something about the time right after sex. I feel so close to him and so in love. I think that's how it's supposed to feel. All those nights I was with other guys, laying there thinking it was great, but just wanting to get home. Well, or do it again, you know, so I wouldn't have to talk to him.

Why was it that Phillip and I never brought people home with us?

Da

"Phillip, how come you never let a girl spend the night at our house?"

"I don't know. Probably the same reason you never had a guy spend the night."

"That's weird, don't ya think?"

"I don't know if it was a conscious thought, but it was like our place. I think I would've felt like I was cheating on you. We were pathetic, huh?"

"Yeah, I think that's kinda why I didn't either. Sorta out of some weird respect. I also think you would've been terribly jealous," I tease.

"I would've been," he says very seriously. "I really never liked any of your dates or your boyfriends. I never really understood why. I told myself that I was just protecting you, but really, I was jealous. I've been jealous of every boy who has ever kissed you. I wanted to kill every boy who's ever hurt you. I wanted you. All to myself."

"Hmmmm, do you want me now?"

"Again?" He chuckles. "Wellllll, let's see." He puts my hand down south. "What do you think?"

I grin because, well, you know. "I would say someone wants me."

"Yeah, me," he says as he pulls me on top of him.

It's three am. I'm not sure what woke me up, but I can't seem to fall back asleep.

Things have been crazy. I've been pla

I have a lot on my plate, but I know the wedding is what's keeping me awake.

I have my dream wedding pretty well pla

I don't doubt that for a second.

But at the same time, I'm a little nervous.

I'm clearly not going back to sleep, so I pop on facebook and see Da

I gently slide out of bed, so I don't wake Phillip. I go in the living room and give Da

Da

"Da

"I think Lori wonders sometimes why she married me. And who could blame her? I wasn't that supportive of her when she was feeling bad. I got kinda tired of it."

"Sometimes I feel like I'm a bomb. Like I'm ticking and ticking. I don't know when I'll explode, but when I do, I'm afraid I'll ruin my relationship with Phillip. It's a lot of pressure."

"I feel that way too. Like I'm trying to make an offensive game plan when I have no idea what the defense is go

"That's why sometimes I'm afraid to marry Phillip. I feel out of control."

"Love makes you feel out of control. I think that's how you know it's right."

"I can't imagine how that will be magnified when you have a baby, Da

"You're a big help," he says sarcastically.