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We're driving to Kansas City to pick out office furniture. This is the lie Phillip told me.
Yes, Phillip told me a complete lie.
I know this because Da
So I'm not at all sure what that means!
And it's killing me!
I wa
I want him to tell me what he thinks. If he's considering it.
I'm going crazyyyyyy with wondering.
And he's sitting there driving, all calm and cool, and bobbing his head to Aerosmith.
I wa
No, be calm. Be cool.
Maintain the I know you don't want to buy it routine.
You planted the seeds, now let them grow.
And I'm trying to, but hey, plants need a little water, right?
Maybe it's not growing because I need to water it.
So I say, "I'm surprised the commercial office furniture place is open on a Saturday."
Phillip grins. "I lied. We're not really doing that. Da
"Yeah."
"We're go
"But why would we do that?"
Phillip turns his head and gives me a confused look. "I wanted to surprise you with this. I thought you'd be really excited."
I sigh, a defeated, slightly pretend sigh. "It's hard to get excited about seeing something you can't have. Lori says it's gorgeous. All it's go
Phillip squints his eyes at me. This is the part where he should say, Oh Princess, but now we can afford that house, and it would be so cool to live by Da
Or something like that.
Instead, he smiles and says, "Well, if nothing else, maybe we can get some ideas from it. Kinda like when my mom tours those dream homes."
"Yeah, I suppose," I say pathetically again. I'm really trying hard not to pout.
But all of a sudden, I totally am.
And I'm not faking it.
For real.
Because getting ideas was not the seeds that I planted.
We look at the house. Da
And well, I gush to myself since I can't gush to anyone.
This house is IT!
Like Phillip was the ONE.
How my dress was the ONE.
This house is the ONE!
Even the house knows he's the one for me. The house is pleading to me like a hopeful lover. You know I'm the one for you, baby, let's live together.
The house has everything on Phillip's wish list. A big gorgeous kitchen with granite countertops and sparkling new appliances, a big island with six barstools, an open concept, and an incredible basement game room. If he wasn't already sold on the kitchen, the big master bedroom overlooking the lake with it's huge closets and a bathroom where I'd happily spend the rest of my life, the sweeping staircase, and the huge deck, he'd have to be sold the second he saw the walkout basement. It's like a boy's wet dream down here. Pool table, foosball, bar, poker table, three flatscreens, sound system, huge sectional couch, and a hot tub out on the patio.
I'm so sold.
I wa
The sign would say, SOLD TO ME, and it'd have a picture of me hugging the front door.
Phillip and Da
Shit.
Speaking of shit, maybe I forgot to fertilize the plant, and that's why it's not growing! I try to think of all the bullshit things I could say to make Phillip fall in love with this house.
But, I can't.
Truth is, I want him to love it for all the reasons I do. And yes, I planted seeds and that sounds sort of manipulative, but I don't want him to get talked into doing something he doesn't want to do. I don't want him to be unhappy.
Even if that means passing up this amazing house.
You know, love kinda sucks sometimes.
It makes you do stupid stuff, like care more about the person you love than you do about yourself.
I watch him grin at Da
I'm pretty sure I could live in a shack with him and be happy. As long as he's there, it would feel like home.
I'm just so in love with that boy.
After our tour, we meet with the couple that owns the home. Phillip tells them the house is beautiful, what a great job they did on the remodel, and how they must be sad to leave it.
They agree as they grab us beers from the outdoor kitchen's frig.
An outdoor beer frig?
Seriously? Is there anything this house doesn't have?
Phillip discusses pricing with them. What they are going to list it for. What they'd take for it now. When they'd like to close.
I can see the corner of Phillip's jaw twitching slightly. Usually, he does that when he's trying to play it cool. When he doesn't want to smile. It's like his poker face.
But what does that mean? Does it mean he's considering it?
No.
Not going to get my hopes up.
Because I don't think so. I think he'd love it, but he's convinced we can't. I still don't even understand why he agreed to look at it.
Nothing like setting yourself up for disappointment.
Or well, setting me up for disappointment.
Phillip says to everyone. "Do you guys mind if Jadyn and I take a quick walk and talk about it?"
And I'm thinking, talk about what?
Talk about how the house is great, but we can't afford it?
Talk about which great ideas we should file away in our brains for someday?
Phillip nods for me to get up.
As we walk down toward the lake, he grabs my hand. "So what'd you think? You didn't say much in there. I thought you'd be oohing and aahing over everything. Didn't you like it?"
"Well, Phillip, I think it's a gorgeous, perfect, amazing house. It has everything I could possibly want. The kitchen is a dream, the master bath is to die for, but I'd love it for the basement alone."
His eyes light up. "The basement is totally tricked out. Can you imagine the parties we could throw down there?"
"Well, yeah." I look really pathetic, I'm sure. I'm totally pouting and not because I'm trying to get my way, but because I feel sad about this. I knew looking at something I couldn't have was a bad idea. It's depressing. "Maybe someday we can have a house like that." I nod my head and put on my best fake smile.
Phillip pulls me into his arms. He softly runs his hand across my cheek and into my hair. I look deeply into his adorable brown eyes and feel bolstered with confidence.
It'll be okay.
There will be other houses, but there's not another Phillip.
I mentally stomp on the stupid seeds.
I want Phillip, and nothing else matters.
Phillip nuzzles his face into mine and says, "I was thinking maybe today should be someday."
My eyes get big. I back away from him and barely whisper, "What do you mean?"