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We just ordered di
And not just any sex, but rather, MY sex life.
Lori, who now that she's pregnant, seems to think she can say anything and get away with it. She decides that this is the perfect time, in front of all these people I barely know, to mention that I may have been worried about having an STD for real because I went home that drunken night with Jason O'Co
Keep in mind, I would never in a million years think Jason would have an STD. Also keep in mind that Phillip doesn't know I was with Jason this past summer, and Lori knows DAMN WELL that I didn't want Phillip to know this.
I'm pretty sure Da
I can handle a little teasing, but when Lori says, "What made it more humorous is that she had a drunken night with this Richie Rich guy, and she was really worried Phillip's mom somehow knew she had one."
To which Phillip glares at me.
Shit.
It's not like Phillip went without sex all summer. I mean, I don't think he did. But we're in a group and supposed to be having fun, and I've had a couple beers. Maybe we can all laugh about it, and Phillip won't care. So I say, "Well, so what, he was a freebie anyway."
And the guys are like a freebie?
"Yeah, I'd been with him before, so he was the perfect one night stand because he didn't count."
Big lineman Marcus says, "Didn't count for what?"
"You know, like your total."
He smiles at me and nods his head in understanding.
Apparently, the throw-Jadyn-under-the-bus sickness is spreading like a virus because Da
I have to say I'm a little embarrassed by this.
One, it is no one's business.
Two, it's no one's business.
And three, Da
"I didn't keep track, but I KNOW you did. Has Lori seen your little, well, make that long ass list?"
He ignores my comment even though I can see Lori's brain going there's a list. "Come on, Jay. It's not like we don't know them all anyway. This would be a good way for Phillip and I to test our memory. You know, challenging your cognitive function is very important as we age. This might be more complex than a soduku puzzle. Let's start with Matt, freshman year."
I roll my eyes at him.
"Freshman year?" one of the guys named Chase asks. "You started early, huh? Wild child?"
"Uh, no," Da
"Oh, wow. Did you used to be fat or something?" Marcus says. This from a man who is three times my size.
Da
"Then what happened?" Chase's wife asks.
Okay, so now I'm forced to make a statement about the young people of today. Shouldn't they have been applauding my ability to wait so long? Do they think I wanted to wait that long for what I hoped was love?
"I thought we were all supposed to wait for love, didn't any of you?" I'm hoping this will steer the conversation toward their experiences and away from mine.
But apparently, I'm the freak at the table they all want to look at under the microscope because Marcus is like, "Well sure, but we wa
I roll my eyes, but I don't want to be a bitch and tell them to all mind their own freaking business, so I say, "I was ready to my junior year. I was dating this guy, Jake......"
"DOUCHE," Phillip and Da
"Oh, shut up, you two. The only guys you wanted me to date were you, so of course, you never liked my boyfriends. You were both just jealous."
"He was still a douche," Da
"Ignore them," Marcus tells me.
So I keep going. "Anyway, we'd be going out for like a month, and I would think I was ready, and then something would happen...."
"CHEATER," both Phillip and Da
"...... and we would break up. And they're right, he was a douche, but he was so hot."
This gets the wive's attention.
"What'd he look like?" Chase's wife asks.
"Oh, he had that hot bad boy thing going on. Longer dark hair, his bangs were always in his dark eyes, and you never knew what to expect from him. He didn't give a shit what people thought of him, got into a lot of trouble at school, mostly cuz he was mouthy. He was kind of a slacker, true, but he was also the quarterback after Da
Like besides Phillip.
Phillip catches my eye and points to his chest. He's letting me know that he was really the first boy to tell me that. I smile dreamily at him.
"Ah...first love. He sounds adorable even if he was a jerk," Marcus's wife comments. "I mean, what high school boy wasn't a jerk?"
Da
The whole table laughs. Phillip blows me a kiss, and Marcus is like, "Go on."
"We would break up and get back together, but usually when we broke up, it was cuz he was a jerk. We'd get back together, but I'd make him wait awhile. I was trying to see if he was serious, but then he'd be a douche again. That went on my most of my senior year. When I was finally ready to do it with just about anyone, I couldn't get anyone to do it with me."
"No way," Chase says.
I nod yes and tell them the sad truth. "Yeah, way. I was go
"You did?" Da
"You really didn't hear Lisa screaming in the cornfield, You should do it with Da
"So Da
A wave of sadness suddenly washes over me. Phillip can see it on my face, so he says, "No, he didn't. He got in a fight with Jake, so I took Jadyn home."
Da
I smile at him, and he knows I'm thanking him for getting us back into easier territory. "THAT was the night he turned me down, Marcus."
Marcus and this Alex guy say, "You were dumb, dude."
"Jay, you know it wasn't like that."
"Oh, that's right, big stud Da
All the guys laugh hysterically at that.
"So you're right, Matt was the first, and after that, it really depends on who you wa
Alex says, "What do you mean, who you wa
"Yeah, we want to know how many," Da
"Well, it doesn't really work like that, does it, Lori?"
She's been awfully quiet through all of this, little bus driver there. She also happens to be the Queen of He Didn't Really Count.
She smirks at me, but keeps her mouth shut. The other wives agree, "Right."
The guys are looking at the women all confused.
"I know for you guys, it's all black and white. I slept with her, or I didn't. But I think girls tend to look at that question and see lots of shades of grey."