Four Summers

The sun burns my eyes when we step outside again.

“Why not? What’s wrong with it?”

“I didn’t say there was anything wrong with it. Did you like it?”

Charlotte stops and looks at me, into me. “I loved it.”

What is it about her that turns me so inside out? My hands itch to grab her, to pull her to me and kiss her and talk the way I only do with her. “I’m glad.”

“Nate—”

“—Come on. I’ll get you back to your hotel.”

Charlotte nods.

“Subways are so cool,” she says as we sit inside.

That makes me laugh. “If you say so. I’m sure most of us could think of a few other words for them.”

Charlotte watches everyone, her eyes never staying still for very long. I have to remind her to get off when it’s our stop. Her hotel isn’t a long walk from the subway, and when we get there, I pause her before she goes inside.

“If Alec is here, it’s probably not a good idea if I go up there.” It’s not a good idea regardless.

Sadness dims her eyes. “Nate… I need to know you believe me. Alec doesn’t like me like that and even if he did…it’s never been him for me. It never will be.”

I’m not sure if it’s smart, but my reply is automatic and honest. “I do. I believe you. It doesn’t mean I’m not pissed, because I am. I wish you could trust me with the truth.”

“I do. You know I trust you with everything. It’s just not my truth to tell.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that I deserve some answers.” She opens her mouth to reply, but I continue. “I’m not trying to fight with you. I’m here, Charlotte. That means something. Today was…”

“Perfect,” she fills in the blank.

It wasn’t. I know that and she knows that, but I can’t deny her reply either. It’s like that with us. Imperfections are still perfect. Just being with her is.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning, okay? We’ll do Times Square.”

Charlotte replies with a nod.

I wonder why I haven’t told her I’m going to Columbia. That we’ll only be an hour and a half train ride from each other. Reaching out, I touch her hair. “I’m glad you’re here, Star Girl.”

Pulling my hand back, I turn and walk away.

I’m exhausted from taking the train into the city again. I don’t know how Dad does it, but it’s worth it because I still can’t believe Charlotte is here.

She’s waiting outside her hotel when I get there. I have to do a double take because, standing there, she looks more like the Charlotte I remember than she did yesterday. For the first time, I see her legs again, all smooth and ta

And a tank top. I love her tank tops. It’s yellow just like the swimming suit from the first summer and the bikinis from our second and third. It’s a stupid thing to remember. I’d probably be embarrassed if it was anyone but her.

“Hey.”

She’s smiling so big that it takes everything inside me not to kiss her.

“Hi.”

“You ready?” I ask.

“Yep.”

We take another subway ride and walk to Times Square.

I almost never come here. If people think the city is busy, they've never visited Times Square. Tourists everywhere and so many people it’s almost impossible to breathe.

“Holy crap, it’s crazy here.” Her voice is a little unsure, so I grab her hand.

“I got you. You have to learn to shove your way through.”

I make way for both of us as we work through the throng of people. It’s loud and there are lights everywhere even though it’s daytime. I should have taken her at night, so she could see even better how it lit up. I don’t know why I didn’t think about that.

We watch the screens and go into shops and stores. Charlotte asks questions, reminding me how she likes to know so much about everything. And still, we’ve hardly seen half of it.

“How far is Central Park?” she asks.

“You wa

“I’ve always wanted to see Central Park,” she says.

I didn’t know that about her. “Yeah. Let’s do it. We won’t be able to see the whole thing, but we have some time.”

We head toward Central Park. The whole time I’m wondering if she thinks some parts of it will remind her of home. If that’s why she wants to see it so badly.

When we get there, we grab some food at a little stand before walking into one of the huge grassy areas. We sit on the ground and she crosses her legs, taking a bite of her sandwich. “I think I could live here,” she finally says.

“You’re going to in a couple months, right?” It’s still crazy for me to think about.

“Yeah, but I mean here. In the park. It’s amazing, Nate.”

“Eh. Probably not a good idea to live here, but you’re going to freak out when you see the rest of it.”

Charlotte watches a bike go by before saying. “Dad’s been paying me a little and I’ve done some odd jobs. I’ve been saving up since last summer for this trip. Well, I guess I didn’t know what it was for at the time, but I was putting money away for something. I can’t believe I’m really here.”

“I can’t believe you are, either. How’d it all come about? Going to school here and stuff?”

She sets her sandwich down and lies down on her back. “I wish it was nighttime. Most of our talks are under the stars.”

I don’t know what makes me do it, but I lay down next to her, leaning on my elbow. “Close your eyes and pretend.” Lightly I set my hand over her eyes. Her lashes brush my palm, so I pull away. It’s such a little thing, but I love how she trusts me, even in something as simple as this.

“I’m scared to mention it because everything came about after that night,” her voice whispers.

A fist tightens around my chest, but I ignore it. “You can tell me anything, Star Girl. You know that. That’s why I don’t understand—”

Her eyes jerk open. “It’s not me. I would tell you if it was.”

“So tell me the rest.”

She closes her eyes again. “I missed you so much, Nate. It was different than when you left all the other years. Even though I never really knew if you’d come back, I had hope. I was so scared you hated me.”

“I wanted to,” I can’t help but say. “I wanted to hate you, but I couldn’t. Then I was even more pissed at you because you still had this grip on me.”

“You had me too.”

The fist loosens slightly. “So what happened?”

“I started applying places. I was so mad at the world. I felt like I was being rebellious or something. I didn’t tell Dad or Alec or anyone. I wasn’t talking to Alec at all so it was just me and my secrets. It felt like it used to, when no one really knew how I felt. After I met you I always had someone I could tell anything to, but I was on my own again. I applied to LA and a few other places. I don’t know what made my try Vassar… Because it’s close, I guess? Not too far from home, but still somewhere new.”

“You knew you’d go?”

She opens her eyes and looks up at me. “Nope. I thought I’d never get out. I just needed to feel like I was doing something. Maybe I just wanted to pretend. It was after Dad met Nancy that I really started to think about it more, but I still didn’t see how it was possible.”

“You deserve your dreams, Star Girl.” I touch her hair and I know I need to stay away. We have too much history and now it’s bogged down with the last night we spent together, but I can’t stop myself from wanting her.

“I missed that name.”

“What happened next?” I ask, trying to find out everything about her year, but also putting some distance there.

“Dad happened… He just talked to me one day. He told me Alec’s parents were interested in becoming partners of The Village. They love it as much as we do and they’ve spent their lives there. At first I kind of freaked out because it’s ours. It’s our life.”