Four Summers

“I’ll be okay. You just have fun.”

Dad follows me outside and walks almost to the truck with me, but stops at Alec.

“Take care of her, son.” He touches Alec’s shoulder. “I’m trusting you.”

My eyes lock with Nate’s. His face says everything I need to know. He heard. And it hurt him.

“Absolutely. You know I’d do anything for Charlie,” Alec tells him, as Nate climbs in the back of the truck with his brother.

Alec drives up to the area we used to go to when we were kids, which is about forty-five minutes away. The back of the truck is packed with tons of fishing stuff, a football (of course), along with the rest of our supplies, which includes four tents; one for me and then one for each boy, because they’re guys and apparently that means they can’t sleep next to each other.

We park in this little turn out and then walk a trail to look for our spot. All our hands are full and packs on our backs until we find the perfect spot nestled between a large group of trees. It’s perfect because it’s secluded, hidden away, but not too far from the water.

Somehow all my stuff gets tangled together as I’m trying to get my backpack off. I’m about to scream when Nate walks up to me and says, “I got it.”

They’re the first words he’s spoken to me since before we left. He screws around with the fishing pole before getting it untangled and leaning it against a tree.

“You’re free now,” he says at the exact moment I'm blurting, “I’m sorry about my dad.”

Nate hooks his finger in one the belt loops on my jeans. “It’s not your fault, and I’m being a prick about it. It just…it fucking sucks, honestly. Remember when we talked about Monica and Hailey? It’s like…”

He steps closer to me, wrapping his arms around my neck and resting his chin on my head. “Imagine seeing one of them with me every day. My parents raving about her. I know I’m going to leave and you’ll still be here with him and that your lives are tied together in this way I’ll never be able to have with you. That if some asshole hurts you, he’ll get to be the one to protect you. And then I feel like shit for thinking all of that because he’s your best friend. You’ve known him a whole hell of a lot longer than me.”

He pauses and I slide my arms around him. Fist my hands in his shirt and wish everything he said wasn’t true. That he wouldn’t have to leave or that I could go. That we could have more than just our summers. I try to tell him with the way I’m holding him that I feel like that, too.

“So, yeah…that’s where my head’s at, and like I said, it just really fucking sucks.”

“I want it to be you. I’ll always want it to be you.”

Nate pulls back, and for the first time there’s insecurity in his face. Doubt, which is something I never expected to see from him.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah…I—”

“Come on, you guys!” Brandon steps up to us. “Do that shit later. Let’s get camp set up.”

The moment is broken. Nate and I pull away from each other, and get to work.

We set up the tents and pack the food away so it won’t lure the bears. Brandon and Alec decide they want to go fishing so we get all the gear ready. I slip into my tent to change, putting on the new yellow bikini that I’m determined to wear today. Without a shirt over it. I don’t want to be one of those girls who hides who she is. I want to be proud, because I’m me and I don’t want to think there’s anything wrong with that.

Still…I put on a pair of cut off shorts, because walking around in a bikini, especially if we’re going to be fishing, just isn’t my style.

Nate is standing by his brother and Alec when I climb out. The guys are already in their shorts and of course none of them are wearing shirts. I might be the luckiest girl on the planet right now, because all three of them are gorgeous. Nate and Brandon with their dark hair and strong builds. Alec su

“Hey.” The corner of Nate’s mouth pulls up in a grin when he sees me. He walks over and in that second, I decide not to hold anything back on this camping trip. I lean up and kiss his lips.

“Perfect,” he says into my hair, before we pull away.

Alec shakes his head, but then Brandon says, “Dude, cut them some slack.” Obviously pissed, Alec heads toward the water. Brandon follows behind him and then Nate and I take up the rear.

It’s even prettier up here than it is at The Village. Mountains surround us with the water sparkling in the middle of it. I set up the chairs while Brandon and Alec screw around with their poles, laughing over something in a way that only boys do.

“Do you want to fish or go swimming with me?” Nate asks. There’s no question about what my answer will be. After unbuttoning and unzipping my shorts, I step out of them. Turning to walk toward the water, I’m suddenly swooped off the ground and Nate is ru

“You’re going to piss off the fish!” Brandon yells.

“Go somewhere else then!” Nate isn't even looking at him as he wades into the water with me in his arms.

We spend what feels like forever and also two seconds at the same time, splashing around in the water. Nate dunks my head and I wrap arms around his neck and realize that’s kind of our thing.

When we are tired of holding ourselves up, Nate runs to the shore and grabs an i

When Nate gets back to me, we lie down together in the tube and float along the water.

“You and Brandon are closer than you used to be, aren’t you?”

“Yeah…kind of. I’m mean, we’ve never really been that close. Even now. Why?” His hand splays out across my stomach.

“Because he told Alec to chill out earlier and they’re not on top of us right now.”

Nate shrugs. “I guess I’ve talked to him more about you this summer. He knows I like you, and I guess he gets it.”

Rolling over, I lie with my stomach on his. My cheek on his chest, while his hands do the same thing to my back that they just did on my belly. “Are you still playing baseball your senior year?” I ask. He’d mentioned before that he wasn’t sure if he would.

“That came out of the blue.”

“I want to make sure I know everything about you.”

So we talk. He tells me that he is playing ball because he figures he might as well continue what he started. We talk about classes and he asks when was the last time I talked to Mom and Sadie. “A couple days ago,” I tell him. “They call about once a week.”

We talk about stupid things like our favorite drinks and he tells me about the time he did two keg-stands at a house party and how it’s the only time he’s ever thrown up while drinking.

We talk about my dad, and Nate's parents and how he never would have thought he’d miss Brandon, but he’s kind of bummed his brother is leaving for school. It’s like any other conversation we’ve had. It’s everything and nothing out of the ordinary too.

Suddenly, water comes splashing at us. I don’t know how we didn’t hear Alec and Brandon approaching. Nate rolls with me and we’re off the i

Soon, the water fight is over and we’re heading back to shore.

Nate and I decide we want to fish, but Brandon says he’s tired and wants to go back to camp for a nap. Alec looks unsure at what to do.

“It’s cool. You can chill with us if you wa

Brandon shakes his head. “How in the hell am I supposed to find my way back then? I didn’t grow up out here like you guys.”