Four Summers

My mouth slips from her lips, trails down her neck, and I lick water from her skin. Charlotte fists her hand in my hair and her body quivers, making me pull back a little because I never want to push her.

Our foreheads come together again and we just stand there in the water, me holding her up while she has her arms wrapped around my neck. The mood darkens, sadness creeping into her features. “Don’t be upset.” I’m not exactly sure why she’s so sad; I just know she is.

“I’m going to miss you,” Charlotte whispers.

I pull her tighter against me. “We’ll still be here a couple more weeks. And we’ll talk this time. I won’t be stupid.”

That makes her laugh. “Boys seem to have a problem with that.”

“Low blow.”

“Do you ever talk to her?” she asks. “The girl who got hurt?”

I sigh, thinking back to when I emailed her. “After we moved, I messaged her once. I just wanted to check in, ya know? But she said she wanted to forget about it. They were moving, too, I guess. She took a lot of shit. People blamed her. Adam has this promising future and all that bullshit.”

“People suck.” For the first time, Charlotte leans forward and kisses me. It’s quick, her lips briefly touching mine. “You did the right thing, though. Not that I’m surprised.”

“Charlie!” Alec’s voice shouts from the direction of the boat.

“Douchebag!” my brother yells, too.

“He’s such an idiot.” I shake my head.

“I guess we better go back,” Charlotte says.

“Unless we want Alec over here, we do.”

She rolls her eyes. “I know he’s an idiot sometimes, but… He loves me.”

I must frown because she continues, “Not loves me, loves me, but we’ve always been a part of each other's lives.”

And they always will.

I won’t.

I get it.

“Nate!” Brandon yells again.

I turn to Charlotte. “Come on, I’ll race you back.” But her words are a weight tied to me, holding me back, pulling me under. We’ll always be a part of each other’s lives…

The next couple weeks fly by. Charlotte and I sneak out every night. Sometimes I kiss her and sometimes I don’t. I remember every time Roxi and I got together, we made out. It’s not that I don’t want to do the same with Charlotte. It’s not like I don’t want to do a whole lot more with her, but we talk a lot too. I enjoy talking to her and listening to her and I know she tells me things she doesn’t share with anyone else.

I also really, really want to keep kissing her. It’s in my mind way more than it probably should be.

It’s our last night at The Village and Charlotte and I are meeting early. I told her we don’t have to because I don’t want her to get caught, but when she tells me it would be worth it, I smile. There’s this sense of urgency scratching at my skin. Both of us know this could be the last time we see each other. My parents could decide to go somewhere else next year or not take a vacation at all and, hell, we’re sixteen. How do you know what the future holds?

She plans to end up with Alec one day and the thought makes me feel like I’m breaking apart, so I try not to think about it.

When we meet, she has a bag with her, but it’s not the one she usually carries with her telescope in it. I take her hand and she squeezes my fingers, but Charlotte stops me when I move to head toward the woods.

“Let’s go somewhere different,” she tells me. I nod because tonight, I would follow her anywhere.

We head the direction where we’ve sat by the lake a million times. The first place I talked to her our first summer. Charlotte keeps going and I keep following. We walk for at least a half hour down the lake. We turn, following the water around a corner, which makes it feel more secluded.

All the cabins are far behind us, nothing here but Charlotte and me, the water, trees, moon, and her stars.

“If you wanted to get me alone, you just had to ask,” I tease, expecting some kind of smartass comment.

“I thought I did.”

Her answer makes my skin feel tight. Heat bubbles inside me.

She lets her bag slide off her shoulder and moves to open it, but I reach out and grab it, telling her, “Let me.”

I lay the blanket on the ground, and pull out the towels she brought, wondering what’s going on. She sits and I sink down beside her. “What’s on your mind, Star Girl?”

She shrugs. “Everything.”

I don’t want her to be sad, not on our last night together. I’d do anything to make her happy, so I ask her about the stars and she points out a few different things. I pretend to see them, because I think she needs it. The longer we talk, the more she seems to relax.

“Brandon was gone again tonight,” I tell her.

One of the flashlights is facing the sky between us, but with the moon so bright, we don’t really need the light.

“I’m sure he and Sadie wanted to give each other a proper goodbye.” There’s a smile in her voice and a blush on her cheeks.

“I guess. I tried to ask my brother about her, but he threw a pillow at my head and told me to mind my own fucking business.”

Charlotte laughs. “I don’t even ask Sadie. It’s not like she would tell me. Last year she was pretty bummed he never called her, though. I used to hear her crying at night. It was strange. Usually Sadie doesn’t let guys get to her, ya know? She’s too strong for that.”

I think about her sister. The way I’ve seen her try to get Brandon’s attention and knowing they sneak out together, while she’s still with Brice, and even the way she treats Charlotte. “You don’t want to be that kind of strong, if 'strength' even the right word for it.”

She looks over at me, all tender like she’s going to cry and it freaks me out a little. I’m not ready to deal with the tears. Don’t know how, but the longer she stares the more she softens me up. Charlotte surprises me by crawling over and getting on my lap. She’s straddling me; her legs wrapped around me. My body immediately starts to respond.

I know she feels it when her eyes go wide.

“Can’t always control it.” Damned if I’m not embarrassed. I don’t get that way easily, but she probably didn’t expect a boner just from crawling onto my lap.

But then she leans forward and pushes her mouth against mine. It’s all the incentive I need to slide my tongue between her lips. Pulling her closer to me, I take the kiss deeper and it’s urgent and needy. I kiss her neck and behind her ear and take her mouth again. My hand slips under her shirt and I move it across her skin. She feels so good and even though it about kills me, I pull my mouth away from hers.

“We should probably slow down.” Shut up! What are you doing? A voice inside my head yells, but this is Charlotte and I’m pretty sure she’s only kissed me and one other guy. There’s no way I can go farther with her when I’m leaving tomorrow.

“What if I don’t want to slow down?”

My head drops back and I groan. She’s totally trying to kill me here.

“Oh,” she tries to move away, but I hold her tightly to me.

“No. Don’t do that. I want you, Charlotte. I do. This is killing me, but…” Her words from earlier about her sister pop back into my head. “You don’t have to do that. I don’t expect you to give me that kind of goodbye.” Would I like it? Yeah, but that’s beside the point.

She looks away and I hate that I hurt her, but I know I’m right about this.

“Talk to me.” I tilt her head up so she’s looking at me. “It’s me. You can tell me anything.” My hand is itching to touch her so I keep it moving under the back of her shirt.

“I …I want something for me. For us. You’re leaving and I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again and…”

Her words feel like a fist to my stomach. How can I never see her again?

“I want you to see me…Ugh. That sounds stupid, but I’m not like Sadie. I can’t just seduce some guy and I get embarrassed and—”