Four Summers

How am I going to explain to her why I disappeared? She sent three emails that went unanswered. I like that about her. That she’s caring and was worried, but also that she’s strong enough that she didn’t dick around when I treated her in a way she didn’t deserve.

We pull up in front of our cabin and Dad kills the engine.

“Looks just how I remembered,” he says and I want to tell him no shit. It’s not like they were doing a big remodel or something.

We get out of the car and head for the trunk to grab our things. “Nate, why don’t you go to the office and grab the keys?” Mom asks. Nate. That’s a new thing too.

I’m caught between telling her yes and trying to get out of it. If I go to the office, I’ll probably run into Charlotte and, it might make me a wuss, but I’m not sure I should see her yet.

“I have your keys for you already, Mr. and Mrs. Chase.”

I look over to see Alec standing on the porch. My eyes immediately scan for Charlotte. He’s always where she is.

“Thank you!” Dad calls to him. Alec takes the stairs to help us with our stuff. I’m still looking around for Charlotte, but she doesn’t come out of the cabin and I don’t see her anywhere.

When Alec gets to us he gives my brother a quick nod and he returns it, before Alec’s eyes cut to me. And damned if I don’t see the anger there. It’s not like we were ever buddies anyway, but he’s pissed and I can pretty much guarantee I know why.

“You guys are welcome to go inside. I can help Nathaniel with the bags,” he says.

“I didn’t realize I’d offered my help,” I toss back at him.

“Nate!” Mom screeches.

Alec doesn’t take his eyes off me and I stare him down, too. I get it. I really do, but whatever went down is between Charlotte and me. I’m not going to let him push his way in the middle of it.

“I was kidding, Mom. We got this.”

“Why don’t you help, too, Brandon?”

My brother nods, but as soon as my parents start to walk away, he grabs the smallest, closest bag he can find and goes inside with them.

“I knew it. One look at you last year and I fucking knew you’d hurt her.” He steps closer to me, but I don’t back down. He’s gotten bigger since last year, but so have I.

It really sucks that I don’t know exactly what he’s talking about. Does he know I kissed her? Did that hurt her? That was the last thing I’d wanted, but she’d been standing so close and her lips looked so good and I couldn’t let myself leave without having kissed her. Maybe it was a mistake, but I can’t regret it because…hell, I don’t know why. She’s Charlotte, my friend, and she’s cute and fu

“Whatever went down between Charlotte and me isn’t your business.” After I say it, I realize it might really be his business. What if Brandon was right? They might be together now.

“Charlie’s my best friend. If she’s hurt, it’s my business.”

“She’s my best friend, too, and in case you didn’t notice, she’s strong enough to take care of herself. Plus, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who’s ever hurt her.” But it still feels like a knife to the gut. Out of everyone in my life, she’s the last one I would ever want to cause pain.

He balls his hand in a fist and even though my parents will freak, I’m not about to let him hit me. I’ve been in enough fights this year to promise I can come out on top.

“Alec!”

We both freeze at the sound of her voice. I turn toward the office and she’s standing on the porch. For a second I feel like someone has knocked the breath out of me. Her hair is longer. It’s kind of whipping around her head in the breeze. She looks a little curvier. Not big or anything, but last year she looked even younger than she was. Now? Not so much.

The first thing I wonder is if she’s still wearing the necklace. If she has the star that matches the one in my pocket. It got ripped off in a fight this year and it took me forever to get a new clasp on it, but it’s there now and even though I don’t wear it, I keep it.

The second thing is she dresses the same and it’s almost like some of the weight slides off my chest. She’s still in cut-off shorts. Still wearing a tank top and it reminds me of our nights last year when everything was easier.

“Alec!” she calls again, but doesn’t look at me. She crosses her arms and I smirk. Damn, I missed her.

“Go ahead. I got this,” I tell Alec, but my eyes don’t leave Charlotte. Alec doesn’t need to be told twice. He jogs off toward Charlotte who waits for him. I watch them, tightness taking hold of my chest. All the shit that I’ve been through this year, I didn’t realize it, but somehow I thought things would get better when I got here.

Look at me. I feel like such a pussy for silently begging her to turn back, but I need someone to see me and not the one whose family had to uproot their lives for, or the guy who would have gotten himself in that kind of situation in the first place, the nark who ratted out his friends when they were just having a good time.

Alec gets to her on the porch and wraps an arm around her shoulder. The tightness in me spreads and I tell myself it’s just because she’s my friend and I think he’ll hold her back.

Alec turns her so her back is to me and they start to walk away. It’s not until they get to the far side of the building, just about to go around the corner, that she glances over her shoulder and her eyes find mine.

Somehow, just that one look, makes it so I can breathe again.

Brandon and I unpack all our stuff in our room. Mom and Dad went to town, but they said they want us to all go to the Bash tonight. I forgot about that from last year, though we must have come a day later this year since it’s tonight. It was the night I saw Charlotte sneak off and I followed her. I’m surprised she didn’t think I was a creeper. Hell, maybe I was. It’s not like I make it a habit to follow girls at night, but I’d noticed her that day. How she kind of always looked like she was on the outside looking in. Not really that people treated her that way, but she felt it. The way she would step out of the circle or how many times her eyes darted toward the sky.

It was like she’d been in on a secret that no one else could begin to fathom. She looked lonely, carrying that secret on her shoulders, and I wanted to be the one to discover what it was.

I look over at my brother lying on his bed. He’s tossing his football up and down in the air and I wonder what it would be like to love something the way he loves football. Yeah, I like baseball, but like is the key word. I don’t love it. Brandon deals with school because he has to in order to play ball. I actually don’t mind school and work to be good at it.

“You find out about Alec and your girl?” he asks.

I shake my head. “She’s not my girl. But, no, I didn’t find out.” He said she was his best friend, so maybe that means they aren’t together. I roll over so my back is to him, hoping it will make him shut up. I don’t feel like talking about Charlotte, Alec, or anything else.

It does the job and Brandon doesn’t say anything else. Pretty soon our parents are home and they’re telling us it’s time to get ready to go. It’s not like it takes that long so Brandon and I are ready in about five minutes. My brother looks nervous, making me wonder why the hell he’s so sketched out to see Sadie. She can’t be that bad.

Grabbing my iPod off the bed, I stick the buds in my ears before dropping the iPod into my pocket.

“Nate, you don’t have to bring that thing, do you?” Mom asks.

Yeah. Yeah, I really do. “It’s not on,” I tell her, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be really soon.