Out of Play

Chapter Twenty-one

Bishop

Another sleepless night. I thought this shit was over. Telling Gramps, deciding to go to rehab, and talking to Pe

I got my ass kicked sledding down the hill. My body was exhausted, but it also hurt. But again, no pills, so I tried to deal with it. Alaska sledding is no joke. I will seriously never look at it the same way again.

Actually, I wonder if I’m going to see anything the same after Alaska. Which is crazy. I never expected to come here and have an epiphany or whatever, but I can’t stop myself from thinking that’s exactly what happened.

Maybe it has something to do with all the internal musing I’ve been doing… Definitely didn’t spend as much time contemplating life’s mysteries when I was back home. The walking helped with that—giving me time to just be in my own head. Who knows if that’s a good or a bad thing. Sometimes I like what I discover, and other times I feel like a whack-job.

When my cell starts beeping, I roll over in bed and grab it off the nightstand. Marya

After hitting ignore, I toss the phone back onto the nightstand.

I wish it was always that easy—to hit ignore when a thought or craving slips into my mind. When L.A. Bishop tries to resurface and all I want to do is wipe him away and become Alaska Bishop for good. Even though the thought of rehab makes my skin crawl, that is why I have to do it.

I push out of bed and go take a piss before my memoir starts writing itself in my head: “If life was a cell phone—blending two versions of yourself” by Bishop Riley.

Yeah, Alaska is making me crazy.

But I like it.

After a quick shower, I get dressed, knowing my morning is going to be boring. Today’s the game and Pe

I’m feeling a little antsy. Nothing bad, but a little bit of jitters. Reasons to go into my room, into my closet so I can find my suitcase, keep tugging at me. I’m proud to say looking at my case is all I’ve done. Before talking with Gramps yesterday, I checked for my pills every day. Recounted the twelve at least once to make sure they were still there.

Now, I haven’t touched it. Haven’t stuck my fingers in that tiny slit in the fabric to make sure Gramps didn’t accidentally leave one, to make sure there aren’t any old ones from before. Gramps wanted to take them, and I’m glad he did.

And honestly…it makes me a little proud.

I head over to my drums and grab the sticks. They’re about to slam down when I remember what Pe

I use my hands to drum on my knees instead, and it’s totally not the same thing. I think about going over and borrowing one of the snowmachines, but then remember Mama Bear is home and I can’t even do that.

I’m not sure any of it would chill me out today, though, because I know what’s coming. I’m telling Pe

That’s when it hits me, and just thinking about it the tension starts to slip out of me. Walking. I need the cold and fresh air. To see how open that big world is and realize my problems aren’t the end of it. There’s something freeing about it, and right now, I just want to be free.

Not giving a crap that it’s early, I slip on my boots and coat before trudging my way over to Gary’s place. He can go with me and tell me stories and ask questions that I might feel okay about answering now. I’m finally doing something I can be proud of—telling Pe

As soon as I hit the steps, I realize the door is partway open. Time to have some fun. Sneaking up on Gary and scaring him to death will definitely distract me for a few minutes.

I’m quiet as I finish walking toward the door. I’m about to sneak inside when I hear Pe

“I need to know what you guys are doing here.” Her voice is as fierce as I’ve ever heard it. Right then, I know I’m fucked.

“With all due respect, ma’am, I’m not sure that’s your business. We haven’t caused any trouble. We’re paying guests, but I don’t think that entitles you information on our private affairs.”

I want to yell “Go Gary!” and “Shut the hell up! She already hates me!” at the same time.

“It’s my business when it involves my daughter. When I catch her slinking out of his cabin in the morning, with all due respect, that makes it my business.”

It hits me like a punch to the gut, because she’s right. Or maybe not her business, but Pe

Gary speaks up again. “I understand your concern, but I trust him.”

Now it’s a knife, not just a punch. Gary trusts me when he doesn’t know half the truth. When he doesn’t know about Marya

He keeps talking. “I’m not saying Bishop, or anyone for that matter, is perfect, but he cares about your daughter. He won’t hurt her.”

Her mom sighs. “I’ve seen it before—girls who throw their lives away for a boy. Pe

Drag her down… It’s not that I have anything to offer Pe

Her mom is right. The thought of holding Pe

Gary is quiet for a few seconds. “You know, people like you piss me off. He’s a fucking kid. He hasn’t had a lot in his life, but he tries. Tries a whole hell of a lot harder than a lot of people I know. I hate this judgmental bullshit. I don’t care what anyone says, I’m damn proud of that kid. He’s a good boy, who I know will grow up into a great man. Is he perfect? Nope, but at least he knows it. He doesn’t sit up on a pedestal and condemn everyone else.”

Twist, twist, twist. The knife just keeps getting pushed in deeper and deeper. I clutch my stomach so I don’t puke. Gary’s wrong about me. I’m none of the things he said. It doesn’t matter that I’ve booked a flight home, and that I’m pla