Dizzy

Sometimes there’s something so big in your life, something so monumental that you make up all these different, life-altering reasons why it happened. She was an FBI agent, involved in some huge plot and had to go to save the world. She was a fucking princess in some other country. Even though she left a note, she never really wanted to leave, but was forced. Something.

It’s all kid stuff. Things I knew could never be true but always let myself believe because this was so huge to me. Now I see the truth isn’t so big at all. There aren’t reasons, and there doesn’t have to be. Sometimes, things just are.

It’s so strange how one choice can derail so many lives. It was so huge to me, I expected her answer to change everything, but it didn’t. I guess that’s life, right? You never really know what’s waiting for you. You never really know what’s going to happen or why. You just have to be able to deal with it. Big or small. And I haven’t been dealing. I’ve been just as selfish as her, getting mad at Derrick for Lora, pushing Ziah away.

Not anymore. Because to me, Mom’s just sad. I don’t want to be like that. Like her.

She cries. “I wish I could change it. I wish I could go back, but I can’t. I’ve regretted that day so many times, Dylan. I’ve wanted to come back so often, just to see you boys, but I was so scared. I knew I didn’t deserve you.”

I don’t hesitate to answer. “No, you didn’t. And you still don’t. Good luck with your family. I hope you don’t ever do to them what you did to us.”

There’s nothing else to say. Nothing else to hear. When I let her out of the house, somehow I come out on the other side different. Better.

***

I don’t get the door closed before two figures step out of the shadows: Dad and Derrick. They knew I’d need them, and they’re here. Hell, my brother left behind his fiancé the day before their wedding. Shit, the night of the bachelor/bachelorette party for me. For the Gibson Boys.

Derrick closes the door as Dad pulls me into a hug, squeezing me tighter than I ever remember being squeezed. That easily, they’re forgiven. Nothing is forgotten, but forgiven.

“Ummm, Dad. Can’t. Breathe.”

He laughs, letting go of me.

Derrick gives me a half hug, a twelve pack of beer in one of his hands. I look back and forth between him and my dad, who shrugs, giving me a smile. My dad may have turned a blind eye, but he has never, ever let me drink in front of him before.

“We’re having a guy’s night. Derrick informed me it’s not a guy’s night without beer. Makes me wonder about what you two do when you’re together.”

Guy’s night. The thought makes me smile.

“Not me. It’s those college kids. Always partying,” I tease. Derrick gives me a playful push in reply before walking toward the kitchen. Dad and I follow.

“It’s a bachelor party. We need beer for that. You guys have to know that one.” Derrick sits at the table.

“I’m sorry, Derrick. For screwing everything up. You’re supposed to be at the party.”

“Brought the party here.”

“You’re supposed to be with Lora.”

He shrugs. “She knows I need to be with you.”

I nod at him. Lora’s awesome. I’m glad my brother’s marrying her. Glad she’ll be family.

“Cool. She’s cool.”

As much as I want to pretend it’s all okay, I can’t. Not without saying what I need to say. “I can’t forgive her. I don’t know what you guys have pla

Dad clasps a hand on my shoulder. “You don’t have to. And I hope you know her decisions weren’t about us or our worth.” Dad sighs. “It’s been a long time, son. I should have given your mom up a long time ago. Maybe if I would have, it would have been easier for you. That’s my fault, and I apologize.”

Before I can reply, Derrick jumps in. “It wasn’t about forgiving her, D. I just needed to make my peace. To finally free myself of her before getting married. We never expected her to just show up like that. I knew you’d take it hard, so I didn’t want to tell you unless—didn’t know how to tell you—”

“That’s the problem.” I cross my arms. “You guys never knew how to tell me anything. You always left me in the dark. How did anyone expect me to believe I could handle anything if you guys didn’t think I could?”

“You’re right,” Dad says. “I just… you were so young. I wanted you to have those good memories. I wanted to hold onto your mom because I thought it was best for you guys. Or hell, maybe I just wanted her. You’re a man, Dylan, and it’s time I treat you like one. I’m proud of you, son.”

I can’t find my words, but Derrick saves me. “Okay, okay. Enough of the sappy stuff.”

He pulls out three bottles, opens one, and gives it to me. He does the same for Dad and saves one for himself. We all hold them up.

“To the Gibson Boys,” Dad says.

“And girls!” Derrick adds. “Well, at least Lora, and from what I’ve heard, Dyl probably wants to cheer for Ziah, too.”

Dad shakes his head, but he’s smiling.

I do want to cheer for her. Yeah, I don’t know what’s going on with the James thing, but I know her, and I know I probably overreacted. And I like her.

“Definitely to girls. And to growing up, getting over the past. Yeah, and girls.”

We clank our bottles together and drink.

Twenty-Six

~ Ziah ~

I’m not sure what time I crashed last night, but this morning is the first day where my legs don’t feel like lead. Last day before Spring Break. The morning of the rehearsal, though with Dylan still MIA, I’m not sure what will happen.

Dylan is too draining to think about. I’m mad and I’m hurt and I’m sorry. Those are some exhausting emotions to roll through day after day. I take a shower, spend some time on my hair, and even run mascara over my lashes.

No mid-terms today. I already have an A in English, so I’ll be able to spend that class time buried in a book. I may just survive my day a little better than I’ve survived the week so far.

Then Alyssa picks me up with James in the backseat. The drive is tense, but we’re all in the same car and no one explodes. The conversation rests on the weather, calculus, and biology. I take a deep breath when we hit the parking lot.

“We survived.” Alyssa rests her arm over my shoulder as James jogs to catch up with another friend.

“We survived.” It hits me hard. We’ll be able to be friends, and we’ll be okay. Not perfect, not the way we were before, but okay. And I guess that’s enough.

School passes in a haze. We’re all half on Spring Break already. I check my phone like a million times, but I guess I’m sort of resigned to silence. And I’m starting to get nervous about maybe seeing Dylan tonight.

***

Lora’s handling the cancellation of her rehearsal incredibly well. Like I’m almost suspicious as she chomps down on her fiftieth carrot stick since her di

“How hard could it be?” She smiles, but it looks a little forced. “I walk up the aisle. You all stand on either side. It’ll be fine.”

“What about…” Dylan?

“They’re driving back from the coast tomorrow morning. Sounds like he’ll be with them.” She studies my face more carefully.

Hours before the wedding. “And you’re okay with this?”

“I love Derrick. I want to be part of their family. So, yeah. I’m okay with this.” She sits back.

“Wow.” Not only are we gaining a Derrick, their family is gaining a Lora. They’d better recognize how amazing she is.

“You’d better go put on those heels and get some more practice.” She nudges me with her elbow.

Yeah, I’d better because not only will I have to walk in those heels tomorrow, I’ll have to walk in those heels while holding Dylan’s arm.

Twenty-Seven

~ Dylan ~

I’m freaking out. Yeah, I know. I should totally be over freaking out by now, but this time it has nothing to do with the wedding, Mom, or even wanting to run away from Ziah. It has to do with seeing her and putting it all out there with her again. It’s the second… third time I’ve had to do it, but she’s worth it.