Measuring Up

Ugh. Now I’m feeling sorry for myself and that frustrates me to no end. So instead of crying in my leather seats, I get out of the car and head inside. Like yesterday, Tegan is waiting for me, but missing is the causal smile I’ve seen in him. This is a painted on, total Ken doll smile. There’s a slight dusting of stubble on his jaw. And his eyes, they’re not as lively as the other two times I’ve seen him. Like he’s riding the high he gets when he’s giving me a hard time. Right now they look like they did when he was helping his brother out of the car. No, they look almost pained. Angry.

Strangely, I miss the other smile. Which makes no sense except that right now, I could really use some positive energy.

“Tegan, you up for an extra shift this week? Jim told me to ask you.” It’s a different girl behind the desk today. He turns to her.

“Do you have to ask?”

She laughs. “I’ll let him know.”

“Mornin’. You ready?” When he turns to me, Tegan tries to sound light. Too bad it doesn’t ring true. What does he have to hide? Me, it makes sense that I have

demons, but with him it doesn’t.

“Not particularly. How are you?” My question-filter never rests around him. It would benefit me to remember I don’t care. Not about him, Billy, or anyone else.

I’m not sure why I expect him to. He doesn’t answer. Instead, Tegan signals with his head (he’s always doing that) for me to follow him and I do (I’m always

doing that). “Are you sore?”

Actually, I am sore, but the emotional pain from yesterday overpowers the physical. “Yeah.”

“That’s a good thing, ya know? We don’t want to overdo it, but those are like your war wounds. It means you’re working your muscles, training them.” I study

him for a minute, surprised at the little things I’m starting to catch. It’s obvious he’s upset, that for one reason or another he’s having a bad day. But he doesn’t talk about it. Ever. Well maybe not ever, but at least not that I’ve seen. Instead just focuses on my problem, which yeah, it’s his job. Somehow I know it’s more than that.

“You worked hard and you should be proud.” His words pull me from my thoughts and switches them to another.

Poor A

it! Why the hell am I letting Billy Mason get to me? “Not that it will help,” I mumble and even as I do, I want to snatch the words back. Not because I don’t want Tegan to hear them, but because it makes me mad at myself. Why do I let my resolve slip so easily? I believed in myself when I came up with this plan and I already doubt it, just because of dumbass Billy?

“Hey.” Tegan stops me with his hand and I immediately notice how warm he is. “No doubting. The biggest thing you can do for yourself is have faith. I…you

have to believe that, okay? The human body can do some amazing things.”

He almost said “I” have to believe. His words fill a part of me I wouldn’t have thought him capable of filling and not for the reason I would think. But the way his voice almost cracks, the depth of…well, belief in them, makes me want to believe too. Somehow, I can tell he needs it as much as I do.

“Um, okay. Yeah, I believe. Sorry. Bad day. I had to deal with this jer—never mind. Just feeling sorry for myself.”

“Yeah, shitty day for me, too.” Tegan stands there like he’s thinking. A little smirk teases his lips and I wonder if he realizes it before I start to wonder why I noticed it. I should not be noticing things like this about Gym Boy. “Okay, I have a plan, but you have to A) not mind if we deviate from your regularly scheduled workout for a bit and B) you have to work really hard to earn it.”

“What is it?” Like I’m going to agree to something without knowing what it is. Yeah right.

“I’m not telling. Let’s just say we’re working on that trust thing you mentioned you need to have for your trainer. I will say, it’ll help and I think you’ll enjoy it. I’ll enjoy it too. That’s all you’re getting out of me, though.” He crosses his arms, but this time, the tension’s gone.

Is it possible for a day at the gym to screw with your head? I’m really starting to think so because before I can talk myself out of it, I find myself saying, “Fine, whatever. But this better be good.”

“Deal. Let’s get going then. We have a lot to cover today. I have some time between you and my next appointment, if you don’t mind us ru

That automatically makes a sheen of sweat slap itself across my forehead. Great. We haven’t even worked out yet and I’m already sweating. How attractive is

that? Plus, adding the words ru

Luckily it doesn’t start out as bad as I thought when I find out the first item on our list is to work out a meal plan. He doesn’t tell me what to eat. We just talk about what I usually do eat, he gives me a book on suggestions, a diary to write my meals in, and the amount of calories I need to stay under.

“Oh, and water. Be sure you drink a lot of water.”

I nod, a little sad I’ll have to say goodbye to Ben and Jerry. “What about you? You drink smoothies.”

“Not you too.” He groans. “Can’t a guy have a sweet tooth? At least its fruit I’m reaching for and not something else.”

I know he didn’t mean it, but his words sting. I would be the one reaching for something else. He can have a smoothie a day because he’s not trying to lose

weight. He moves on, not seeming to realize how his statement affected me.

We begin our aerobic on the treadmills and to my surprise, Tegan jogs with me again. We up the speed a little and I try to ignore the easy rise and fall of his chest while I’m panting for breath. From there we head into weights and resistance training and I’m wondering when this whole idea of his is starting. So far we’re basically doing the same thing as yesterday. My legs burn like they’re on fire while we do some machine that is supposed to give me quads of steel. They feel more like jelly at the moment.

“Come on, A

I push my legs up again. Yeah, I can do this. I find that, all of a sudden, I really want to. Again, I lift, pushing past the burn, focusing on the way I haven’t thought about yesterday between the time we started the run until just a second ago.

“You got this. One more and then you get your surprise.”

His wording makes me falter slightly, but I catch myself. Ignoring the way “surprise” sounds more like a friendly gesture than trainer/trainee one, I lift against the resistance one last time. “Oh my God.” I go limp against the machine. “Is it always supposed to be tougher the second day?” I’m panting. My eyes are closed and I probably look like I had a near drowning experience in my own sweat, but right now I can’t find it in myself to care.

“It’s just because your body is adjusting and you’re sore from yesterday, but you know what? You hardly flinched the whole day. You were in the zone. Not half

of the resistance you had just twenty-four hours ago.”

My heart finds the energy to do a happy dance in my chest. I let my head roll to the side and open my eyes. Without meaning to, I smile at him.

“You killed it today. Now you definitely deserve to kick some ass.”

Huh? “I’m a lover, not a fighter. Plus, isn’t it against some trainer, client code to challenge said client to a fight? Not sayin’ I couldn’t take you, but ya know…”

Tegan shakes his head and chuckles. “Come on, A

able-to-move-my-legs-again. As soon as I’m up, we both let go. “And just so ya know, you’d be good competition, but you couldn’t take me. Not yet.” He winks and

walks away, leaving me no choice but to follow him. Again.