Masquerade

With my hand on his chest, I push him again as I try to move around him. Maddox curses, steps in front of me, and grabs my waist. “I kissed you because I want you. Because you’re gorgeous and even though I shouldn’t give a shit, I don’t like seeing him touch you.”

He’s breathing hard, so hard I hear it even with the music blaring around us. It’s then I realize I’m breathing just as hard. My chest heaving under my tight, long-sleeved shirt.

Maddox brushes his finger over my shoulders, left bare because of the cut of my top.

“I’m not saying… It doesn’t mean…”

With my fingers, I touch his lips. “Shhh.” I set my bottle down and then I kiss him this time. My tongue moves with his, in out, in out. Maddox holds me between the wall and his body again, his mouth taking over. Moving so expertly against mine. My body thrums with energy… need. I want him too. Want him the way I’ve never wanted anyone.

When his mouth trails down my neck, I say, “I’m not saying it means anything either. Let’s not use any words. Let’s…” Have fun. Forget everything else. Pretend we’re something we’re not. “Dance.”

“I told you I don’t dance.” His mouth is still close to my skin.

“I’m asking you to make an exception.”

Maddox pulls away and I expect him to keep going. Instead he hooks his finger in the loop of my pants and starts to back up, pulling me with him.

“Will you get in trouble? I know you’re working.”

His eyes haven’t left mine since he started walking. “I don’t give a shit what Trevor thinks and Tyler’s not here.”

Then I’m pulled tightly against him. His hands are on my waist; then they slide up and down my back as we move together. I rock my hips, sway with him as I wrap my arms around his neck. We’re close, so very close our bodies touching and moving as in sync as they do when we’ve had sex.

It feels good and he feels good but still I grab on to what I said to him about not using words. Not defining anything. It can be like it was at his house the other night. We can laugh and dance and kiss and then walk away like last time and nothing will change. Neither of us want it to change, so it’s okay. We’re okay.

His hand goes up the back of my shirt, skin to skin, rubbing and caressing. I moan and move with him as one of his legs slides between mine.

“You can dance,” I whisper.

“There are a lot of things I’m good at.”

I don’t doubt that. “Okay, then I’m surprised you are dancing.” Sure, I asked him to but I don’t know if I thought he would really do it.

His mouth drops to my ear. “There are a lot of things your body inspires me to do.” Again, I wish we weren’t in public.

And then he nips my lobe with his teeth and we keep dancing. When the song’s over and it goes into the next, Maddox pulls away. “I need to get back to work.”

“Yeah… yeah, okay.” I step back, trying to catch my breath. Holy crap that was sexy as hell.

“You hanging around or are you out of here?”

“I figured I’d stay for a while.”

His finger starts at my neck and slowly trails down the column and across my shoulder. “Good.”

Just like that, he steps back, trying to hide who he is again for this crazy masquerade we keep maintaining, and goes back to his perch by the wall.

I’m in a fog, not even sure what happens for the rest of the night. Before I know it, Lunar is closing and Maddox is off work. We don’t touch as we walk outside together.

“Your car here?” he asks, not really looking at me.

“No. Took a cab.”

He nods toward his bike and I take the first step to walk there. Maddox is right behind me. The helmet slides on easily and then there’s a weight on my shoulders and I realize it’s his jacket.

Give it back. I don’t. After slipping my arms through the holes, I wait for Maddox to put his helmet on and then get on the bike. Behind him, I throw my leg over and pull tight against him, right before it rumbles to life.

Wind makes us fly the whole way to my house. When we pull into my driveway, he kills the engine. We get off the bike and I take off the helmet and set it down.

“Thanks for the ride, Scratch.”

“No problem.” His voice is raspy and he needs a shave, both things extremely sexy on him.

“Your sister wants me to go to her birthday party. I wasn’t sure. I told her—”

“You should go.” He shrugs.

“Okay.” I don’t let myself dwell on how quickly that answer came out.

Maddox raises his hand and cups my cheek before his lips drop to mine softly… so very softly. He’s never kissed me like this—with such slow deliberate strokes that turn me inside out.

He pulls about an inch away from me. “I want you so fucking bad.”

“I want you too.”

Maddox presses one more, soft kiss to my lips before he’s grabbing his helmet and putting mine away on the bike. Want. We both want each other but we know it’s not smart to act on it. I hate it but love it at the same time.

“I’ll see you at Masquerade tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah…” My voice is husky.

Maddox climbs on his bike, puts his helmet on, and nods toward the door. Smiling, I shake my head at him, then go to the door and let myself in. After he pulls away, I realize two things: I still have his jacket, and it felt kind of good to have him want me safe inside before he left.

Chapter Twenty ~Maddox~

Sitting on my bike in front of Bee’s house, waiting to take her to Laney’s, I try not to think about the fact that her legs will be wrapped around me in a couple minutes. I’ve done good all week not acting on the impulses I felt like at Lunar that night. Done well not imagining her hands on me and my mouth on her and remembering how she felt and wanting more of it.

Okay, so I thought about it but that’s all. And then… there were times we just work at Masquerade or talk like when we started redoing my art portfolios. In those times it’s like we are. Where I don’t fight the attraction or succumb to it either. Times like sitting in my living room drawing pictures of each other where we’re two people like any other. In those moments we’re not keeping distance neither of us wants. We’re not sleeping with each other and then pretending like it didn’t happen.

It’s easier than I thought. I’ve never really had those things with someone before and there’s a part of me that really likes it. Maybe more than a part. She’s cool, and I’m working toward tattooing. I try not to focus on it all because I don’t want it to go away.

“Hey. I brought your jacket. Sorry I forgot it all week.” Bee steps up to me.

“You can use it. I have another one.” I shrug and she slips it on before putting on the helmet and climbing on behind me as though it’s something she’s done a million times.

The October air feels colder on the bike as we ride toward Laney’s. November’s right around the corner but we’ve had some pretty decent days.

It doesn’t take long to get there. I wait for Bee to get off the bike before I do. “There’s a little courtyard out back. Laney said they’d be out there.” I grab my bag and start walking with Bee toward my sister’s.

My sister’s. With Bee. I reach into my pocket to pull out my cigarettes and light one.

“Haven’t seen you do that in a while.” I wait for more. Wait for her to tell me how disgusting it is or wonder what’s up. She doesn’t do any of it.

This little pang of regret hits me. This strange part of me that wishes she would have. What the hell is going on with me? I’m taking this girl to a party with my family. The only real family I have and I keep waiting to freak out or to get pissed at myself for doing it but none of it’s coming.