Facade

Too many emotions to name war inside me: love and fear leading the attack. I manage to sneak into the back and grab what I bought him the other day.

When I finally have a spare minute, I walk back over to check on him. I don’t know what to say or how to act. Why he’s here or what he wants.

“Do you need anything else?” I ask.

Adrian shakes his head. “I just really like the pancakes here.” For the first time since I sat him, we make eye contact. Warmth spreads through me by looking at him. And then he says, “My son… he used to love pancakes. I used to make them for him. Eating them reminds me of him.”

God, I want to touch him so bad it hurts. My hand aches to reach for him, but I don’t. I have to let him do this on his own. “I wish I could have met him.”

He gives me a small nod. “He would have liked you.”

“I… I got you something.” I reach into my apron and pull out the book. Adrian takes it, looks at it and then at me.

“The Count of Monte Cristo.”

“It’s silly. I know you have one—or had. I don’t know if you still do, but—”

Then he stands. I want to beg him to stay, but then he reaches out and cups my cheek. “Your ghosts are still there.” He rubs a thumb under my eye.

“They’re a part of me.”

He nods. “Mine are too.”

And then he turns from me and he’s gone.

* * *

It’s only three days later when the knock comes on my door. I take my time to get there, because I’m not expecting anyone. My breath catches in my throat as I pull the door open to see Adrian standing there. He’s wearing jeans, kind of baggy, and a black shirt that hugs his muscles.

He stands outside and I’m inside and neither of us moves or speaks and everything inside me is pulling me toward him. That thread between us is tightening and tightening to bring him close to me.

“It’s good to see you,” I finally say.

“It’s good to see you too.”

I hold the door open and he comes in. Adrian sits on the couch. Not sure what to do, I sit on the arm of a chair, but then he looks at me and says, “I don’t bite,” and they’re the most incredible words I’ve ever heard.

I move next to him and smell him and feel the heat coming from him and it reinforces how much I love him.

“The book… Adrian, it was incredible.”

He looks at me. “I’ve never felt anything like it. I had this dream… fuck, it felt so real and Ash was there. I got to see him again and we played and talked and then he asked me to tell him a story. He used to like that. I’d make up stories for him and he’d laugh and ask me to repeat it over and over.”

It does something to my heart, hearing him talk about Ashton, about his son like this. He never would have been able to do it before.

“That sounds wonderful,” I tell him.

“It was. Even in my dream it was. I told him a story and then”—he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath—“and then he died in my arms. It was like he just fucking went to sleep and I was half drunk, in a shitty hotel and I felt… nothing, so I wrote. With each word, I knew it was what I was supposed to do. I knew it was what Ash would want.”

Tears are falling down my face now, a mixture of happiness and sadness.

“I’ve been with Angel ever since. We’re getting to know each other again and we talk about Ash every day and it’s so incredible to remember him, to think of him without the guilt trying to take away the good memories. In a way I’ll never forgive myself for that day, but… I’m dishonoring his memory by trying to forget.”

I cover my mouth with my hand and try to hold back the tears. I don’t want to interrupt him. I want to tell him how proud I am of him.

“It’s not easy… There are still days I take off just to get away or times I’m still so fucking angry, but I’m trying. I’m doing better.”

The words are impossible to hold back anymore. “You should be so proud of yourself, Adrian. That’s awesome. You’re making him proud.”

He nods his head. “Yeah… I think I am.”

“I will never forgive myself for not being honest with you in the begi

He touches my face again like he did in the diner. “So serious, Little Ghost.” He’s all intensity and sincerity and the words flood through me.

“I am. I’m not good with words like you are, but I can tell you I love you. You say I haunt you, but it’s you who haunts me. You made me happy for the first time in four years. You inspire me and your words are a part of me and you make me feel strong. I never realized it, but I never felt strong before. I let Maddox run my life and tried to save people who didn’t want to be saved. I know I can’t do that anymore. It’s not up to me and you taught me that.”

“I did all that?” One of his eyebrows rises.

“Stop.” I’m laughing and crying at the same time.

“Don’t cry, Little Ghost.”

His words make me cry harder.

“Shhh.” And then he’s wiping my tears. I’m nuzzling his hand. “I missed you. I wanted to hate you, but I couldn’t. I know it wasn’t your fault, but it’s hard when it’s all tied together like that, but then… I read The Count again after you gave it to me. I remember reading it and always looking up to Edmond. Even when I was a kid because he beat the odds. He beat his shitty life and prison and everything else. But I realized he didn’t have what was important. Edmond ended up alone and I already lost Ash… I don’t want to lose you too.”

I swear my heart leaps out of my chest. I feel weak and like I’m invincible at the same time. “Adrian—”

“Shhh,” he says again. “I have to get this out. I can’t promise I’ll be perfect. Hell, I know I won’t be and I have a whole lot of shit I’m still dealing with, but… I can’t get you out of me. Your smile’s in my head and your voice in my ear.”

I’m crying and smiling and so full of Adrian I’m bursting at the seams.

“You helped me stop bleeding. You made my heart beat when I thought it was gone. All those things you said I do for you? They’re nothing compared to what you do for me.”

“Adrian—”

“Stop interrupting me.” He smiles and I smile. I don’t think I’ll ever stop doing it again. “You reminded me what it feels like to love. You made me fall in love and, fuck, I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose you.”

Unable to stop myself anymore, I lunge at him. He catches me as he falls against the back of the couch. “Kiss me.”

So I do. I kiss him and his taste is a burst of familiarity. His tongue teases my lips and then finds its way inside. He’s kissing me and then standing, my legs wrapped around his waist. Adrian walks to my room and I kick the door closed behind me and then we’re falling to my bed, our mouths still fused together.

“Let me make love to you, Little Ghost.”

“Yes.” I arch toward him and he kisses me again. And then all our clothes are gone and he’s putting a condom on and this time when we come together, we’ve stepped out from behind our façades. The masks are gone and we’re naked together for the first time.

“I love you,” he says.

I look at him. This amazing man who’s been through so much. “I love you too.”

Epilogue

~Adrian~

My hands are fucking shaking so bad I can hardly stand it.

“You’re doing great,” Delaney tells me as I park the car.

“I’m losing it,” I tell her. “But I’m here. I’m doing it.”

She leans over and kisses me. Christ, I still can’t believe I’m here. I can’t believe I’m with this incredible girl and that I’m about to get out and go see my son for the first time in four years. God, I need it, though. Need to talk to him.