Charade

              Lily’s hands shake. I know she’s crying. But I still keep talking. “I’d like to tell you everything… More about growing up and about how I feel… If you want to know.”

              The words aren’t as hard as I thought they would be. They actually feel freeing.

              “Oh, Cheye

              “I also want to talk to someone else. A doctor or something. Can you… Can you help me set it up?”

              “Absolutely.”

              Finally I turn to look at her, but don’t let myself let go of Colt’s hand.

              “Your mom never asked for help. Not the kind she needed. You’re a very strong, brave woman, Cheye

              In this moment, I’m pretty proud of me too.

              “Thank you.” I turn back to Colt. Lay my head on his bed. “You’d be proud of me too. I know it. I can’t wait until you wake up so I can tell you.”

***

              “How did you and Colt meet?” I ask Adrian. It’s been a day and a half. I haven’t left the hospital. Adrian’s stayed most of the time. Aunt Lily and Maggie have both come and gone. No one tries to make me leave, probably because they know I won’t.

              “We got into a fight when he fucked around with a girl I was seeing.”

              I turn and look at Colt’s “brother.” I’m sure the hospital staff knows we’re lying, but they’ve been okay with it. “Tell me you’re kidding.”

              “Would I lie about something so serious?” He grins, leaned back in the chair. He looks comfortable, but I know he’s not. Know he’s just as scared as I am.

              “You guys are nuts.” I shake my head. “What happened?”

              “Punched each other a few times. Then I told him he had a nice swing, but he’d screw up his thumb if he kept his fist the way he held it. He told me to fuck off. I asked him if he wanted to smoke a bowl and we were all good after that.”

              I don’t know why I’m surprised. “Guys are so crazy.”

              Adrian shakes his head. “We’re a lot easier than girls. They take everything too serious. Plus, I knew we’d be cool.” He taps the side of his forehead.

“That’s right. All knowing Adrian.”

“You bet your ass. Just like I know he’ll be okay. He wouldn’t leave you. He’s too loyal for that shit. Cares about you too much.”

I smile at Adrian and choose to believe him. Wonder if Adrian needs Colt too. I have a feeling Colt wouldn’t want to leave Adrian either.

***

              Another day passes.

“His latest scans look really good. Good brain activity. The bleed is gone. We’re going to start decreasing the medication and hope he wakes up. We’ll have more answers after that.” The doctor smiles at me and I try to return it.

              “Thank you.”

              “You’re doing good. Keep doing what you’re doing. Hold his hand. Talk to him. I believe he can hear you.”

              She walks out of the room. I know he can hear me too.

***

“They’ve been decreasing your medication Colt. They say you can wake up any time. I can’t wait to see your eyes again. You have to open them for me, okay?”

I try to hold the tears back. I want to sound happy. Strong for him.

“You can even call me princess if you want. Not for long, but I miss fighting with you. Miss that big head and bigger attitude you have.”

Leaning forward, I kiss his hand.

“I told Lily I’m going to talk to someone. I think it will help. It’s because of you, ya know? That I’m stronger. God, I used to think you were such a jerk. I can’t believe I didn’t see it. You don’t know it, but you’re everything Colt. No one makes me feel the way you do and I need you. Maybe it’s not good to need people and maybe that makes me weak. I don’t know, but I know I need you. I want you. You push me when I need it and give in when I need that too. Your strength gives me strength and I want to do that for you too.

“My aunt and uncle are taking care of your mom. The funeral home is holding her for you. We don’t want to bury her without you. You deserve to be there. But you have to open your eyes, okay. Please open your eyes soon. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

***

The breathing tube is gone. He’s able to breathe on his own. They say that’s a good sign.

***

              “I brought you a coffee,” Adrian sets a drink on the table.

              “He looks better.” Then he talks to Colt. “You’re still not as good looking as me, Colt, but you don’t look like shit anymore.”

              I almost yell at Adrian for saying that, but don’t. This is who they are and what they do. We need to treat Colt as we did. That’s the best way to get him to come back to us.

***

              Darkness is all I see. It’s strange, like I know I’m sleeping, but I somehow feel conscious too.

              I’m tired. So tired. I try to fight the fact that I’m waking up. I don’t get much sleep leaning on Colt’s bed.

              Something tightens around my hand. I feel myself smile in my half-asleep state. I loved when Colt would squeeze my hand.

              It happens again. I don’t want to wake up because I don’t want to lose it. I love these times Colt meets me in my dreams.

              Another squeeze. Weak. Colt holds me harder than that.

              My eyes rip open and I look at Colt. His flutter. Open. Close. Open again.

              My heart jumps. Leaps. Explodes. Does everything else it can do.

              I push the button for the nurse.

              “Colt? Can you see me? It’s Chey. I’m here.”

              He studies me, his blue eyes so intense they entrance me. I see familiarity in them.

              He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.

              Tears fall down my face. He squeezes my hand again. “Shh, it’s okay,” I say smiling. Don’t try to talk. I’m here, baby.”

              At that he smiles. It’s not a full smile, but a half one. Dimple and all.

              I can’t help it. I start to sob. I sit on the bed and touch his head. His hair. His face. “I love you. I knew you’d be okay. I—”

              I can’t talk I’m crying so hard.

              Colt’s cracked, broken voice silences me. “Danc—er.”

              My face hurts because I’m smiling so big. “Yes. I want to dance for you,” I tell him. It gets me another smile.

              His hand slips from mine and I want to cry again, but he just lifts his arm. Touches a strand of my hair, but his arm falls quickly after. “Love…you.”

              Love you. Not just “you too.”

It’s in those words I know we’ll be okay. Everything will be okay.

“I love you too.”

~EPILOGUE~

Three Months Later

Colt

              Cheye

              “You feel so fucking good.” I bury my face in her hair and palm her breast. It feels good to know she’s there. That she’ll always be there. It’s because of her and Adrian I’m even still here. Or not a vegetable. They got me to the hospital quick and from what the docs say, that’s what matters.

              “Are you ever not horny?” she asks me.

              “Why would you ask a crazy question like that, Tiny Dancer?”

              She rolls over and faces me. Damn, she’s sexy. I can’t get over the fact that she’s here. That we’re fucking here together. I could have died the same day as my mom, which is screwed up, but I didn’t. We may have been brought together because of a stupid ass game. Or because we were both screwed up, or needed to change, but we got somewhere important and that’s the only thing that counts. I’d play that game over again to be laying here. To know I’m really giving Mom a reason to be proud of me.