Charade

              Colt climbs over me on the bed. I don’t know what emotion to focus on: passion or nerves, but then he’s pulling my panties down my legs.

              And he’s rolling the condom on.

              When his lips kiss my lower stomach, passion wins out. Then his mouth finds mine.

He’s pushing in and I’m crying out, my nails in his back, my mind shut off.

              Yes, my mind is shut off, but my body is definitely on.

              Colt starts to move and I move with him. It hurts slightly, but his lips on my mouth and his hand on my breast helps to dull the pain. Both physical ache and the one weighing heavily on my chest that’s been there since I found out about Mom.

              Maybe longer.

***

              Neither of us says a word as Colt gets up to get rid of the condom.

              Not a word when he climbs back into bed.

              Not a word while we lie there…and lie there.

              The nerves are back, topped off with awkwardness. If this was Gregory, he would have passed out holding me. Colt’s eyes are open and so are mine, his right arm and my left arm the only part of us touching.

              “I should probably get going. I have some stuff to take care of.” Despite my words. I don’t move.

              “Okay. Yeah, whenever you want, I can bring you back.”

              I get up and start to get dressed. I hate putting the same thing on two days in a row and can’t wait to get back to the dorm to change. But still, I will him to say something. Anything. I don’t need him to ask me to stay, but some kind of anything would help calm the storm in my stomach.

              Colt sits on the edge of the bed, grabs my shirt and hands it to me. I pull it on, telling him I have to go to the restroom and leave before he can get up.

              I splash water on my face, hoping it can wash away the past few weeks of my life. When I look in the mirror, it’s all still there. I’m still there.

              But I feel okay. The first time I slept with Gregory I freaked out. Went to the bathroom, sat on the floor and had a panic attack he never knew about. He didn’t know about any of them. Once I calmed down I washed my face like I just did here and went back into the room smiling.

              It feels good not to have to smile if I don’t want to.

              Colt’s standing in his room when I get there. He’s wearing a pair of long, cargo shorts and a t-shirt. It shouldn’t look as gorgeous on him as it does.

              He picks up sunglasses and slips them on. It’s the first time I’ve seen him wear them and can’t stop myself from asking, “Have a little too much to drink last night?”

              “I’m cool.” His voice sounds distant. I’m sure he’s like this with every girl he sleeps with. I don’t know why I didn’t really expect it with us. I don’t know if I care or not. I definitely shouldn’t care.

              I shake my head and walk out of the room. I’m not dealing with this. It’s supposed to be easy and if he’s going to be a jerk afterward, it’s not worth it.

              Colt follows me out and we’re quiet for the ten minute drive to my dorm.

              “Let me know…about your mom.” I reach for the handle as he pulls into the lot.

              The only reply I get is a nod of his head. Again, whatever.

              I open the door, get out and close it. We’re supposed to be old enough to sleep together without it being awkward the next day. Especially when I can tell that’s what he does—sleeps with people he never plans on being serious about.

              I’m almost to the steps when I hear him yell, “Chey!” I turn and Colt’s standing outside the driver’s door looking at me.

              Seconds pass by and he doesn’t say anything.

              “Tick tock,” I say.

              “Did it help?” His words come out unsure.

              The tightness in my shoulders evaporates. I let out a deep breath and suddenly know we’ll be okay. That whatever it is—this charade we’re playing is still intact.

              “Yeah…yeah it did. You?”

              Then he smiles. It’s not a huge one and I can’t see well enough to know if his dimple is showing.

              “Yep.” Colt climbs back into his car and then he’s gone.

              I chuckle as I go inside. Smile again when I walk into my room. I’m not there for a minute before my phone rings.

              One glance takes the smile from my face. I know I can’t keep ignoring her.

              “Hey,” I say to Aunt Lily when I pick up the phone.

              “Cheye

              And I know what she’s saying. She’s Mom’s sister. I’m her daughter. We’re all that’s left of her. I hate how I’m treating her, but can’t seem to stop either. Can’t let her in.

              My hand tightens around my phone.

              “I won’t.”

              “I’m worried about you.”

              “I’m fine.” Am I?

              Aunt Lily sighs. “We want to have a service for her, Cheye

              “What!?” I pace the room. My heart has a seizure and my chest tightens. Don’t freak out, don’t freak out, don’t freak out.

              Why is this even a surprise? I should have expected it. It’s normal, but…

              “She deserves it. I want to say goodbye.”

              Does she deserve it? Yes she does, but then she left me. She still left me and it was so normal for her that we didn’t think twice about her never coming back. What if she went in those woods and killed herself?

              “I…”

              “It will be good for us, Cheye

              She was my mom. What’s wrong with me?

              “I know. I’m sorry. Let’s do it.”

              The words come out, but I don’t mean them. If I tell her goodbye, that means she’ll really be gone.

~CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE~

Colt

              I can’t fucking believe I’m doing this.

              I’m sitting outside Cheye

              Cheye

              “Hey,” she says from behind me. I stand up and turn. Damn, she’s hot. Her legs are firm and now I know it’s because she danced. Of course she’s wearing a skirt because she may not realize it, but in some ways she really is a princess.

              Heat scorches beneath my skin and I want to forget everything, take her back to her room and strip her. “Let’s go back to your room.” I take a step toward her, almost touch her but stop. This situation we’re in is so screwed up because it’s a lie and I don’t know how to act around her.

              Fuck it. I let my hand slide under her shirt and grip her waist. “It’ll be a lot more fun to stay here,” I say against her ear.

              “Colt.” It sounds like a warning, but she leans her head to the side to give me better access to her neck. I dip my tongue in the hollow spot behind her ear.