Charade

              “Not me. Not anymore.” Cheye

~CHAPTER FOURTEEN~

Cheye

              I stay in bed most of the next day. Andy asks me what’s wrong a million times, but I tell her nothing. I don’t even know how to explain it if I wanted to. Which I don’t. Not to her. Not to Colt, which is why I regret what I said to him, or even to myself. I was with Gregory for two years and he never saw that side of me. Never saw me lose it. Never knew how I felt about anything. I got good at the game, but somehow let my guard down with Colt. I hate it.

              I want to forget. That’s all. Things are never what they seem to be anyway. The past ten years of my life have been a farce that I let control me too much. Just like my relationship with Gregory had been a farce. I’m not making the same mistakes again. My eyes sting because I can’t sleep. I’ve never really loved the dark, but now I hate it more. Was it dark for her? Did she die right away? Did—stop! I face the mirror and finish putting on my eyeliner

              “How are you? Anything new with boyfriend number two?” Andy asks. At least it’s better than her questions all Saturday and Sunday.

              I make myself smile because it’s one of the things I can control. There are so few of them out there I plan to cling to the ones I can. “No, Colt and I broke up.”

              “That’s too bad. He’s hot. Way hotter than the other guy.”

              My skin suddenly tingles remembering his hands on me—his mouth. My toes curl in my sandals, but I straighten them out. He snoozed, and now he’ll lose.

              “Eh, he’s okay.”

              Andy laughs. “And you’re straight up lying. You know that man is better than okay.”

              “You should date him, if you like him so much.”

              “I’m spoken for, remember?”

              Yeah, I do. I don’t know why I said that. I turn to face her. “What’s going on this weekend? Do you know?”

              Andy shrugs. “I know about an off-campus party. We’re pla

              “Yeah, that sounds good. I need a good time.” Something churns in my stomach, but I ignore it the same way I tell Aunt Lily I’m fine every time she calls.

              “Nice.” Andy picks up her bag and opens the door. She walks partway out, but then turns to face me. “You sure you’re okay? You’re all smiley, but…you’ve been tossing and turning the last two nights. When you do sleep…you cry.”

              I drop the eyeliner I forgot was in my hand. My insides tremble. My heart cracks, but I push myself into another smile. “It’s fine. I got in a fight with my aunt, but everything’s better now.”

              So now I know there are two places I can’t hide: when I’m sleeping or when I’m with Colt.

***

              The next two days pass in a fog. I laugh where I should and talk where I should. I even smile too, but none of it feels real. Lily calls so much I start to ignore her.

              “Hello, Chey,” Gregory says as we walk out of class.

              “Hi.”

              He squints. “Wow. I didn’t think you’d be so normal when I spoke to you.”

              I shrug. “I’m over it.” Looking at him, I wonder why I let him get under my skin so much. Why us breaking up or him screwing Red had such a huge effect on me. I wasn’t dead in the woods. All I did was lose a boyfriend.

              Smiling at him, I try to keep walking. “Wait,” he steps in front of me.

              “I have to go. I don’t want to be late for class.”

              But I don’t go to class. I go back to my room to try and sleep before Andy gets back.

***

              “Hey.” Colt steps up next to me, while I’m walking to the coffee house on Thursday.

              My heart drops off for a couple beats and then picks up again. “Hey.” I keep walking and so does he.

              “You ignore all your ex-boyfriends like this?”

              He called a few times yesterday. I’m surprised he’s trying at all. I’m not really sure why he would, but him being here is like he’s picking at the edge of a sticker. Using his nail to peel back a layer of me that I can’t handle removing.

              “So that’s how it is? I play your game and then you ignore me?”

              I want to ask him why he cares. What he’s going to get out of this. But then, I guess a part of me knows. We have death between us. Mine from the past and his lingering in the future. “I’m not ignoring you. I’m just in a hurry.”

              He stops walking. “Whatever you have to tell yourself, Princess.”

              I am going to kill him! I cross my arms and plant my feet. “Stop. Calling. Me. Princess.”

              Colt grins. It’s strange because he’s this tattooed, messy-haired guy who wears faded jeans and t-shits. One look at him and you can tell he doesn’t take shit—that life hasn’t been easy and he’s scarred because of it. But when he smiles? Really smiles, it’s perfect. Like toothpaste commercial, boy-next-door beauty that makes it really hard to be pissed at him.

              And I also know I just did exactly what he wanted me to do. I reacted. I don’t want to react anymore, but I can’t seem to help it. “Why are you doing this?”

              “I’m just talkin’. What’s wrong with that?”

              “You know what I mean.”

              He shrugs and the confusion in his eyes makes me wonder if maybe he doesn’t know either.

              “Colt! Get the fuck over here, man. You got ten seconds or I’m leaving!” Adrian sits in car on the street.

              “Bastard,” Colt mumbles. “Go get your coffee. You’re even pissier when you don’t have caffeine.”

I can’t even get mad because he’s smiling as he says it.

              For the first time in maybe ever, when we walk away, we’re not mad. One isn’t stalking away from the other. We walk away separate, but together.

***

              I have no idea whose house we’re at. All I know is the music is loud, the place is packed and there’s plenty of alcohol, much of which I have partaken in. The tingle of my buzz zips around inside me, taking out all of the thoughts I don’t want to have.

              I lost Andy a while ago, but this time I don’t care. I’m dancing, drinking and not caring who or what’s around me.

              I feel someone slide up behind me, a hand on my waist. I turn around and Gregory is standing there.

              “I don’t remember saying you can touch me,” I hiss.

              “Aw, come on, Chey. We’re just dancing.”

              “Where’s Red?” He doesn’t move his hand so I shimmy out of his reach.

              Gregory’s forehead wrinkles, but then he catches on. “Maxine? I’m not with her. We were just messing around. You’ve always been the one I want.” He steps closer to me again, his mouth right up against my ear. “We’re good together, honey. You know that. I screwed up, but I won’t do it again.”

              My world is spi

              “I have to go.” I jerk away from him and weave my way through the mass of people. The music suddenly feels too loud, almost echo-y. The spins suck me in a vortex worse than I’ve ever felt.