Before You Break

Why the hell had I downed that last shot and then chased it back with a beer?

Oh yeah, because my boyfriend was an asshole and had made me feel like I wasn’t even in the room. Maybe it was time I started being more truthful with myself and with Joel. Tell him how he made me feel and how he needed to cut that crap out. I didn’t know why I’d let things that bothered me go for so long.

“I’ll wet a washcloth,” Qui

Before I could protest, Qui

“I’m go

I was pretty sure I didn’t need anyone babying me, especially not mysterious Qui

“Okay?” he whispered. He was waiting on permission to touch me again. And, God, I appreciated that about him.

“Yeah,” I said, another wave of nausea rolling over me. I swallowed the warm bile in the back of my throat and squeezed my eyes shut.

I felt Qui

“If you raise your head, I can wipe your forehead, too.”

“N . . . not sure if I can yet.” I swallowed back my nausea.

I felt his breath against my cheek. “Let me do it.”

Why did this suddenly feel too damned intimate? I prayed that I smelled halfway decent and that my makeup was still intact and not beneath my eyes. I’d never been this up close and personal with Qui

The question was why did I care?

Qui

His large and rough palm slipped beneath my cheek and gently lifted my head. He swiped the cool cloth over my forehead and then down the sides of my face.

“Hmmmm . . . so good.” I sounded ridiculous, but I couldn’t help it. It was nice being taken care of, even if was by a virtual stranger. A cute, mysterious stranger.

“Can you sit up yet?” he asked, sounding a little breathless. “I can help you back to Joel’s room if you want.”

I shook my head a little too forcefully, causing me to pitch forward and dry heave again. I was suddenly glad I hadn’t eaten any di

“Shoot.” I lay down with my cheek against the cool tile floor. I could feel my T-shirt rising above my hips again, but I just didn’t care. Besides, he’d already seen it all. “I’m just going to stay here for a while.”

I listened to him inhale a lungful of air and then release it quickly. “Um, okay. I’m go

I heard him stand and mutter, “Fucking Joel,” under his breath. “But I don’t like the idea of you being in here all night. I’m go

“Wh . . . why wouldn’t you want me in here?” I asked. “What’s the big deal? I’ll be fine.”

“Ella, your shirt’s riding up again.” I heard him struggling for words. “You’re in a house full of horny drunk guys and you can’t stand up long enough to lock the door behind me.”

Crap. I didn’t think of it like that.

“But everyone knows me,” I said, with some effort. “I’m Joel’s girlfriend.”

“Sure.” He took a deep breath like he was contemplating saying something else. And then I heard him pace once, then twice. “No offense, Ella, but Joel doesn’t exactly give the guys the impression that you’re off-limits. Not like Brian does with Tracey. Not like I’d do . . .” Breathe in. Breathe out. “Never mind.”

His words stung. But I wanted him to tell me more. To say everything. “No, don’t stop. Finish what you were going to say.”

“No, I better not.” I heard his hollow steps on the tile floor. “I should go.”

“Wait, don’t go yet.” What was I even saying? “Can you . . . can you wet that washcloth again?”

Why would I want Qui

“Sure,” Qui

My eyes flew open. He sounded like he was struggling to keep himself together. To not have naughty thoughts about me. A strange emotion jammed in my chest. I was affecting have-nothing-to-do-with-girls Qui

My hands struggled with my T-shirt. “Is that better?”

I was asking him to look at my ass again? Brilliant.

He let out a shaky breath. “Yeah, better.”

I heard him run the faucet and then sit back down.

“Ready?”

“Yes, please.”

He shifted my hair over my shoulder again and then I shivered against the coolness of the cloth. “Hmmm . . . feels nice.”

I felt Qui

“Qui

“I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have asked you to stay. I just . . .” I struggled to get my thoughts out. “You can leave now. I’ll be okay. You sound . . .”

“No, I’m cool,” he said and his fingers relaxed against my neck. We stayed quiet for another couple of minutes; the only sound was our breaths. It was a comfortable silence and I was glad to not be alone. He dabbed at my forehead and cheeks and then put the cloth back on my neck.

I wanted so badly to continue our conversation from before but I didn’t know him or his moods. Would he get mad if I pushed him about it?

“Qui

“I shouldn’t have talked about Joel like that,” he said in a rush.

“Things haven’t been right between Joel and me for weeks. And I’m sure it shows,” I said, swallowing several times. “I guess I keep hoping we can work it out, make it what it once was.”

“Which was what?” he mumbled.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what made it special?” His voice was low, soft. “What did you guys have . . . that’s now lost?”

There was no sarcasm in his voice. Only Sincerity. Honesty. Curiosity.

It made me wonder how many relationships he’d been in. Made me want to lift my head and see whether there was any emotion in his eyes. But I didn’t want to risk puking on him.

All I had to go by was the sound of his voice.

Chapter Four

Qui

“I don’t know,” she said, like she was thinking it through out loud. “Maybe it just felt like something more.”

And then she went still, so I waited for her to finish her thought. I wanted to tell her that maybe Joel was the kind of guy who only made girls feel like there was something more, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.