Before You Break

I moved my fingers up and down in a steady and deliberate rhythm and his head sloped to the side. His eyes softened and his gaze never left mine. With my other hand, I reached below his shaft and grasped him there, teasing the area with my fingers. “Oh fuck, Ella. I’m close.”

I lowered my lips to his. “Kiss me. I want to feel you when you come.”

He sealed his lips over mine and with his tongue he mimicked the up-and-down motion of my fingers. He groaned his release into my mouth, his lips quivering with the effort.

It was the sexiest damn thing I had ever felt—let alone done with a guy.

As if I’d absorbed his passion and it’d ignited every nerve ending inside of me.

This was the type of physical co

“Ella, Goddamn,” he panted out as he caught his breath. “That was amazing.”

Chapter Twenty-Four

Qui

Ella came to as many of my games as she could this past week when she wasn’t busy with classes or homework or her volunteer work at some psych center.

We’d fallen into a natural routine where I’d show up at her place and we’d play video games, laugh, and hold each other. Ella did most of the talking; the sound of her voice comforted me—or we didn’t do any talking at all.

We hadn’t had sex yet, but we’d come close. Lots of grinding, touching, and kissing.

I knew I couldn’t go there with her until I was sure. Sure that I could give her everything. Tell her everything.

Plus, the experience of being inside her might just do me in. Make it that much harder to leave if she decided she didn’t want me. Once I told her all of it. I was feeling things for Ella that I’d never felt for a girl before.

I’d slept in her bed a couple times and those mornings had become my favorite. She’d be wrapped in my arms and I’d watch her sleep, so warm and sexy and beautiful. Her breasts would be bare and the curve of her neck would call to me. I’d nestle my lips against her skin and she’d make that noise. The noise that drove me crazy.

We didn’t talk about what we were doing or what we’d become to each other, but I could tell the question was on the edge of her lips. Just dangling there. Waiting for me. She wanted to know. She deserved to know. And I was struggling to gain my footing, to hold on tight. Because she’d given me something I hadn’t had in a long time, maybe even ever.

She made me feel happy. Normal. Whole. Like everything was possible.

Maybe even love.

She had this way of putting things in perspective—life, relationships, dreams. Even when she didn’t realize she was touching on stuff that was significant to me. It was an intrinsic quality that she possessed, despite her psychology major. It made her special—that part of her that had a calming effect on me.

The other night I’d come so close to just spilling everything. But something still held me back. More than likely it was gut-wrenching panic. That she’d walk away. And then I’d have to find a new kind of normal again. And I really liked living in this normal, where I could get lost in her. Her smile, her scent, her skin.

A normal where I hadn’t killed my best friend because his girlfriend was coming on to me.

But Gabby from the hotline had helped me to see myself differently, even though I’d only talked to her a handful of times. Like maybe I was worthy. I had always lived in Bastian’s shadow and thought I was worth crap without him. But maybe Amber truly liked me for me and had been going about it the wrong way. She was human, too, after all. I needed to remember that.

Now I was perched at Ella’s door, a bag from the local deli tucked beneath my arm, a couple of sandwiches inside. Tomorrow, I was headed to a special dedication ceremony for Sebastian. His parents had donated a new scoreboard in his honor.

They’d requested I attend—my parents, of course, had insisted—and as the date loomed nearer, I’d become more of a wreck. About seeing all the people I’d wanted to avoid. Maybe forever.

I’d considered begging Ella to come with me, but then I’d have to tell her everything. And right now I was living day by day. Hour by hour.

When she swung open the door my heart strained against my rib cage. Stu

“Hey, baby. You look kissable,” I said, and her cheeks flushed the color of her lips. My fingers wound around her neck to draw her closer and my lips brushed against her soft mouth.

Kissing Ella was like coming home. There was no other way to describe it. It felt natural, thrilling, right. I just wasn’t sure if I was right for her.

Ella picked at her turkey-and-cheese sandwich and I helped clean up her leftovers. Without another word, we sank down on her couch and picked up the controllers—as if we were one seamless unit.

We’d spent the bulk of the other night building a mansion in Minecraft. We’d compromised on number of rooms, placement of bathrooms, down to our luxurious back deck that housed its very own hot tub. Yeah, my mind had quickly gone to the gutter on that one.

It was as if we had built our dream home together even though neither of us breathed a word about it. But there was a co

“Where do you want this to go, Tall Boy?” Ella asked, her knee brushing against mine.

“How about here, Silly Girl?” I smirked and shook my head.

Ella had decided that a giant roller coaster needed to be erected right outside our make-believe home, which, obviously, I completely dug. Maybe it was her way of telling me that we could have fun together. Like she knew I was holding myself back and was giving me time to work it out.

“Ready to go for a test drive?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows at me.

“Ooooh yeah.” I winked. “I love roller coasters.”

We climbed up the length of the track and then slid down our imaginary amusement-park ride.

“Wheeee.” Ella laughed and it was the greatest sound to my ears. “Maybe we could go for real one day.”

“On a roller coaster?” I nudged her with my knee until she looked at me. “Sounds perfect. You name it and I’m there.”

“It’s a date, then.” Ella’s cheeks bloomed pink and she looked so damn pretty right then it made my heart hurt. I wanted nothing more in the world than to fulfill that promise to her.

After we tested out our roller coaster a couple more times, I threw down the controller and pulled Ella onto my lap. God, it felt good to have her in my arms. She trailed her lips down my jaw and then whispered my name in my ear. It made my stomach perform a dive-bomb—like I was really on that ride, holding on for dear life.

She stood up, reached for my hand, and walked backward toward her bedroom. “Will you stay again?” I nodded and she flashed me a wicked smile, knowing just how to produce the desired effect.

I jerked her top off and nudged her onto the bed. Flicking my tongue down her neck to her collarbone, I felt her nipples harden through her bra. She moaned and squirmed, bringing my dick to full attention.

I tugged the straps off her arms, unhooked the clasp, and dropped the flimsy material onto the floor. Curving my hand around a soft globe of her flesh, I drew the peak inside my mouth as she writhed beneath me. I moved to her other breast and indulged on her other pink bud.

“Qui

I did as she asked and then sank back into her arms. Capturing her bottom lip between my teeth, I nibbled and then swiped my tongue across the tender flesh. She whimpered beneath me and I plunged my tongue deep inside her mouth, completely turned inside out over this girl.