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“But you remember what happened after I shoved you, don’t you?”
Leah sighed. “He helped me up and asked if I was okay.”
“And?”
“And he helped me back behind the barricade.”
“And?”
Leah smiled softly. “And he signed my CD, and I got a picture with him.”
“Exactly. You’re welcome, by the way.”
Leah laughed to herself as she twirled her fork between her fingers.
After a few seconds of silence, Holly sighed in exasperation. “You still don’t get it, do you?”
“Get what?”
She gave Leah a patronizing look. “You had a plan. You thought you were prepared. But when it was go-time, you panicked. You got scared, and you bailed.”
Leah blinked at her. “Okay?”
“Jesus, Leah! You still don’t see it?”
“See what?”
“That Da
Leah stared at her friend, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. After a stu
“He loves you,” Holly interrupted, her voice softening significantly. “You know he does, Leah. I can see it in your face, even now. He’s just scared. That’s all this is.”
Leah swiped at a fresh round of tears with shaking hands.
“He just needs someone to shove him. Hard.”
Leah laughed through a sob as she wiped her nose with her napkin, and Holly smiled as she picked her fork back up.
“So,” she said, looking pointedly at Leah. “Are you go
Leah inhaled deeply as she picked apart her napkin. “I don’t know,” she said softly. “I don’t know if I can. If he even wants me to. I don’t know anything anymore.”
“Alright then, here’s the deal, chica,” Holly said, her expression turning serious. “I’m going to give you as much time as you need. I’m going to let you miss him. I’m going to let you cry rivers upon rivers if you feel like you need to, and you can talk about him as much as you want, until his name sounds like nails on a chalkboard if it makes you feel better. But I will not let you keep doing what you’ve been doing these past few weeks. If this is go
Leah swallowed before she nodded slowly.
“Okay then,” Holly said with a nod. “Now let’s finish these salads so we can go get some shoes.”
They spent the next hour at the mall, looking for shoes to go with their new dresses, and the entire time, Leah kept replaying Holly’s words over in her mind.
They swam through her, collecting the little splinters in her chest so that each subsequent breath seemed a little easier to take.
If this is go
She wanted to fix it—more than she’d ever wanted anything in her life—but she felt the same way Holly looked the day she tried to put together Evan’s entertainment center: the instructions were in front of her, all the tools right there at her disposal, and yet she didn’t know where to begin.
When Holly dropped Leah off a little while later, she gave her a hug and told her she would call her the next day, and Leah walked up the path and through the front door to the utter paradox that was her apartment. It was the only place she felt at peace, yet at the same time, it was an endless source of torture.
The fact that Da
His memory was all around her, in every single room.
Leah walked back to her closet and hung up the bag that held her dress before she kicked off her shoes and climbed into her bed, pulling the comforter up to her chin.
And then she closed her eyes, drifting off to sleep as Holly’s words continued to course through her, gradually collecting little pieces of her fragmented heart.
“The following people have been requested at the visitor’s center: Benjamin King, Daniel DeLuca, Michael Moroney, Steven Logan, Kevin Driscoll, and Duane Ta
Da
Theo lifted his brow at Da
Da
Thirty-seven postage stamps.
It was their only real form of currency, and something most prisoners took very seriously. Rory, the inmate-turned-barber, charged five stamps per haircut. Terrence, the guy who ironed prisoners’ jumpsuits on visitation days, charged three stamps for his services. Any favor asked, any bet made, typically involved an exchange of stamps. After two months in this place, Da
He approached the inmates’ entrance to the center, noticing that Marco was the guard outside today. He nodded a hello to Da
“Arms out, please,” he said, and Da
“You catch that game last night?” Marco asked as he patted Da
Da
“Unbelievable,” Marco said. “Highest payroll in the MLB. Sure as shit didn’t look like it yesterday.”
“A lot of those guys haven’t been hungry for a long time,” Da
Marco lifted his brow before he inclined his head in acknowledgement. “Very well-said.” He straightened, and Da
“A buddy of mine,” Da
Marco nodded as he checked his watch and then recorded the start time of the visit on his clipboard.
“Alright then, Mr. DeLuca,” he said, reaching forward and opening the door for him. “Enjoy your time.”
“Thanks,” Da
He walked into the visitor’s center and turned toward the table and chairs set up near the vending machine where Jake typically preferred to sit, only to find an older couple seated there, waiting for an inmate.
Da
Da
And then he froze.
She was sitting at the far table against the window, her eyes on him as she rolled her mother’s bracelet between her fingers.
It had been over a month since he’d seen her—over a month since he’d had any contact with her whatsoever—but the sight of her hadn’t even come close to losing its potency.
He couldn’t afford this kind of test today. His daydreams of her, when they were furtive enough to creep in uninvited, were bad enough.
Ironically, his worst days in this place were the days he found it the easiest to be without her. At his lowest points, Da