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But she knew the words would mean nothing to him now. They meant nothing to her when people said them countless times in those early weeks. They were empty promises, meant to appease, and nothing more.
Instead, she asked him the one question no one had ever thought to ask her in the weeks that followed her mother’s death.
“What do you need?”
Da
He was quiet again once they got in the car, and when Leah reached over and placed her hand on his leg, he covered it with his own, prolonging the contact as he held her there.
As they drove back to his apartment, Leah couldn’t help but think of how many times she’d wished she had the chance to say good-bye to her mother. It had always been one of the things that hurt her the most about the situation—the fact that she was suddenly gone, with no notice or warning. Leah had managed to convince herself that if she had just gotten the chance to see her, speak to her, say something to her before she passed, it wouldn’t have hurt as much.
But watching Da
His hand was still on hers when they pulled up to the curb in front of his building, and Leah turned to look at him.
“Do you want to be alone?” she asked.
Da
“Okay,” she said gently, and he released her hand as she put the car in park and cut the engine.
They rode the elevator up to his apartment in silence; Da
He seemed distracted as he opened the door to his apartment, and Leah followed him inside, putting her purse on the entryway table.
“Do you want me to make you something to eat?” she asked.
“No,” he said softly. “Thank you.”
He was standing in the living room with his back to her, and she walked over to him, placing her hands on the sides of his waist as she rested her forehead against the back of his shoulder. After a few seconds, he turned to face her, and Leah lifted her head, looking up at him.
He stared down at her for a moment before he dropped his eyes, watching his hand as he hooked two fingers in the front pocket of her jeans. She saw him wet his lips, and then he gave a gentle tug, pulling her a step closer as his other hand came to the hem of her shirt, taking it between his thumb and forefinger.
Da
And then he slid it up a bit higher.
She lifted her arms out of reflex, and suddenly, her shirt was off. He tossed it somewhere behind her before he hooked his fingers in the front of her jeans and gave her another tug.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, pressing his lips to the top of her shoulder as his fingers came to the button of her jeans. She felt it pop open as he exhaled against her skin. “I’m sorry. I just…”
Leah closed her eyes as she brought her hand to the back of his head. “It’s okay,” she whispered. “Take what you need.”
He made a small sound in the back of his throat as he dropped his forehead to her shoulder. “God, how do you do that?” he asked, easing her zipper down.
“Do what?” she asked softly, ru
“You make it stop hurting,” he said against her skin. “Every time.”
Leah exhaled as she brought her hand to his chin, lifting his head before she brought her mouth to his.
He kissed her hard as he pushed her jeans and underwear down over her hips, and she shimmied her legs before stepping out of them. Da
When she found was she was looking for, she dropped his wallet on the floor and started opening the package, and Da
He hitched her leg up and entered her in one smooth movement, and Leah gasped as she wrapped her arms around his neck, using his shoulders as leverage as she held herself up and hooked her other leg around his waist.
His hands came to the back of her thighs, holding her weight as he pressed her into the wall and rocked into her.
“Leah,” he groaned, but there was contrition in his voice.
“It’s okay,” she said softly before kissing his mouth. “It’s okay.”
He cursed under his breath as he moved against her again, and Leah held on tight as her head fell forward, her cheek rubbing against the scruff on his jaw.
She was prepared for him to be rough, like the night after the fight at Paddy’s, but after his first few thrusts, the movement of his hips slowed, and his lips on her neck grew gentle. The sudden change in pace caused goose bumps to erupt over her body, and she made a tiny noise of approval before she could stop herself.
She didn’t want this to be about her. She didn’t want him to be concerned with making her feel good. She wanted him to get lost in her and forget that he was hurting for as long as he could.
Leah rolled her hips against him, showing him it was okay to take her the way he wanted, but he shook his head, the movement of his hips now torturously slow.
“Like this,” he said against her mouth. “I need you like this.”
Her eyes rolled back slightly as she tried to stifle a moan, but the hum of her approval escaped anyway, and he leaned forward, taking her bottom lip between his own as he pulled almost completely out of her. He held himself there for several seconds before he pushed back in, and her head fell back to the wall with a thud as she tightened her legs around his hips.
Da
He walked them the few steps over to the couch before he let go of her other leg, using his hand to support them as he lowered her back onto the cushions. She made a tiny sound of protest when their bodies disco
He slid his arms between her back and the cushions, holding her against his body as he starting moving again, his strokes long and unhurried.
“I love you,” he said against her neck. “I didn’t know it was possible to love someone this much.”
“Da
The scruff of his jaw scratched her collarbone as he kissed along her throat and the top of her shoulder. “I don’t want you to ever leave me.”
“Never,” she said, tilting her head back.
“I need you,” he said hoarsely. “I need you, Leah.”
“I’m yours,” she promised. “Always.”
He lifted his head and brought his mouth to hers, and her hands came to his hair, twining her fingers in it as she kissed him, pouring her promise into it, wanting him to feel the weight of her words, the sincerity of her vow.
He loved her slowly for as long as he could, but as the sounds began falling from her lips at regular intervals, he lost himself to his desire, gripping the arm of the couch behind her head as he sent her over the edge before he quickly followed.