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She shook her head. “I know my Bryan. He would have come back to us if he could have. He would have fought and fought and fought. But he’s tired, love. It’s time for him to rest.”
Da
“Yes, we do,” she said softly.
“Why?” Da
Gram didn’t even flinch. Instead, her shoulders softened as her eyes met his. “Because I want you to be able to say your good-byes…before you go.”
The chair screeched abruptly as he stood from the table and walked through the kitchen. With a quick jerk of his arm, he swiped his keys off the half wall and strode out the front door, slamming it closed behind him.
Da
He looked over to where Gram sat in the passenger seat, her eyes trained on her purse, which sat primly in her lap. She’d been quiet all morning, lost in some faraway place, so that Da
After Da
But all Da
It took Leah hours to convince him otherwise. But she was patient, and she was gentle. She let him rant. She let him yell. She let him pace. And she let him fall apart.
And then she lay with him until three o’clock in the morning, despite having to get up for work the next day, talking him off the ledge and helping him understand what it was really about.
Helping him see that Gram was right.
She offered to drive them to the hospital when it happened, knowing how difficult it would be for either one of them to make the drive back.
He never would have asked her to do something like that—to subject her to something as morbid as saying good-bye to someone who had spent the last year of his life in the ICU. She’d had enough of hospitals and good-byes. But he was selfish enough in that moment to accept the offer. And as they pulled into the parking lot of the hospital and he caught her eyes in the mirror again, he forgave himself for the decision.
Because there was no way he would have been able to do this without her.
They walked up to the building in silence, Leah a step behind Gram and Da
But this time it felt foreign.
Every sound was amplified. The clicking of shoes on the linoleum. The squeak of wheels as machinery and beds were moved from place to place. The chatter of people. The delicate beeping that meant someone was surviving.
He wanted to plug his ears.
Gram had gone to the hospital earlier that week to complete all the paperwork, which meant the second the elevator doors opened, there was nothing left to do but go through with it.
There was no time to buy. No excuses to use. No reason to delay.
It felt like the walls of the elevator were closing in, and Da
He felt a hand on his back then, the feminine fingers splayed out as she applied gentle pressure, and he closed his eyes, concentrating on the feel of it until his arm finally went slack and fell from the wall. A few seconds later, the doors dinged open, and she kept her hand on his back, grounding him as they approached the nurses’ station.
When the woman behind the front desk saw them approaching, she stood and smiled gently at Gram.
“Mrs. Giordano. If you’ll have a seat right over there, I’ll have Dr. Racine paged for you.”
Gram nodded but didn’t move; she seemed frozen in place, and in that moment, something in Da
“Come on, Gram,” he said softly, wrapping his arm around her and walking them over to the seating area. He felt Leah’s hand slip from his back, and a jolt of panic went through him, but he concentrated instead on the feel of Gram beneath his arm, thin and frail and trembling.
You’re not the only one. Don’t leave her alone in this.
They sat in two of the chairs, and Leah stood a few feet away, her arms folded over her chest and her eyes sca
He needed to be present now. He needed to shoulder this. For both of them. Because he’d be damned if he had to watch the women he loved take on any more of his burden.
A woman approached them then, dressed in lavender scrubs. She had one of those friendly faces that made Da
“Hello. My name’s Amanda. I’ll be with Dr. Racine today.”
“Hello,” Da
“I know this isn’t easy,” she said. Her voice was like aloe on a sunburn, and for a moment, Da
Da
“I just wanted to take a minute to walk you through the process so you know what to expect once we go inside. Is it okay if we do that now?”
Da
“Okay. When you’re ready, the doctor will remove his breathing tube, and then I’ll turn off his epinephrine drip. After that, his blood pressure will drop, and his breathing will begin to taper off.”
He closed his eyes, biting the inside of his bottom lip until he tasted blood.
“We’ll be monitoring his vitals back at the nurses’ station. You can stay with him as long as you like.”
Da
“No. If Dr. Racine thinks it will take a while for him to pass, he’ll order some medication to make him comfortable. He won’t feel any pain.”
Although Gram’s mask-like expression hadn’t changed, Da
“What do you mean by a while? How long will it take?”
“We won’t know what we’re looking at until we see how his vitals respond without assistance. It could be a few minutes, or a few hours. In some cases, it could be a few days.”
Da
I can’t. I can’t do this. I can’t.
“Do you have any other questions?” the nurse asked gently, placing her hand on Da
He kept his eyes trained on the floor as he shook his head.
“If you do, or if you need anything else, please don’t hesitate to ask us.”
“Thanks,” Da
“Let us know when you’re ready,” she said before she stood, placing her hand on top of Gram’s before she continued on to the nurses’ station.