Coming Home

“Holy shit,” she said to herself, rolling her neck as she leaned up against the wall to catch her breath.

She stared at him, his chest rising and falling with his arms splayed out at his sides, and that’s when she noticed what he was wearing: a dark blue button-down, black slacks, and a belt. She glanced down at the black dress shoes still on his feet and sighed, walking the few steps over to the bed before kneeling down.

Leah undid his laces and removed his shoes, placing them up against the far wall so he wouldn’t trip over them if he got out of bed for any reason tonight.

Okay, that was the easy part.

She stood at the foot of his bed, her hands on her hips as she looked him over.

It would be like seeing him in a bathing suit. It’s not a big deal.

With a deep breath to strengthen her resolve, she climbed up onto the bed and sat on her heels at his side. Just as she brought her fingers to the buckle on his belt, she felt his hand slide up her thigh, coming to rest more than halfway up.

Her breath caught in her throat.

“I lied to you,” he said hoarsely, his eyes still closed.

“About what?” she whispered, her fingers still frozen on his belt buckle.

He laughed lightly, but his face contorted in disgust. “So many things.”

She didn’t want to be affected by him anymore, but she felt her heart drop at his words.

He lied to her?

Leah shook her head quickly. It didn’t matter. None of it mattered. He didn’t want her, and they weren’t anything to each other. She was just going to make sure he was comfortable, and then she was going to get the hell out of there.

With renewed purpose, she undid the belt buckle, followed by the button on his slacks. Leah gripped the zipper with the ends of her nails, trying to avoid any contact as she slid it down. His hand rode a bit further up her thigh, his thumb begi

“I lied to you about lunch,” he mumbled.

Before she could even decide if she would play into this or not, he went on. “I wasn’t meeting a friend.”

Leah pursed her lips as her stomach churned. She didn’t want to hear the rest. Instead, she gripped the top of his pants and yanked somewhat forcefully. They jerked over his hips, and she immediately pressed her lips into a hard line as she closed her eyes.

Boxer briefs. Tight, gray boxer briefs.

She exhaled slowly and opened her eyes, tugging his pants the rest of the way down and removing the belt before she folded them and draped them over a nearby chair. She came back to the bed and climbed on, dutifully keeping her eyes above his waist as she started undoing the buttons of his shirt.

His hands came up and grasped hers, stilling her movements as his eyes fluttered partially open.

“I wasn’t meeting a friend. I wasn’t meeting anyone. I lied because I wanted to see you.”

The breath left her body in a soft rush. She had not been expecting that.

“Oh,” she managed softly, but her voice was so quiet, she doubted he heard her.

He rubbed his thumbs over the backs of her hands as his eyes fell closed again. “It was stupid, you know? I didn’t even know you,” he mumbled groggily. “But I kept thinking about you. I saw you at Gram’s, and I kept thinking about you, and I didn’t even fucking know you.”

Leah gently slid her hands out of his grasp as she tried to refocus on undoing his buttons, but she could feel her heartbeat kick up in her chest.

“I had no right to ask you out,” he said with a slight shake of his head. “So I bullshitted you. I bullshitted myself, and I pretended we were just meeting so you could get your bracelet. And then I saw you, and I didn’t want you to leave.”

He was ranting, the words spilling from his mouth like an avalanche, and part of her wanted to stop him. She didn’t want to hear this. Because if what he was saying was true, why did he leave her the way he did last weekend? Why had he spent the past week pretending she didn’t exist?

His hand slid up her thigh again, and Leah ignored it, focusing all her attention on undoing the buttons.

“So I made you have lunch with me,” he muttered. “And you know what? I was kind of hoping I’d hate you. It would have been so much easier if you were a bitch, or an idiot, or someone who a

His hand left her thigh as he brought it up to his face, rubbing his eyes roughly before he let it fall back to the bed with a slap.

“But of course you weren’t any of those things,” he said with another humorless laugh. “You were smart, and sweet…and fucking beautiful,” he added, clasping both of her hands in his again.

She slipped them out of his grasp. “Da

He smiled softly. “I figured we could just be friends, you know?” His voice was low and throaty as he added, “No harm in that, right?” He shook his head as he pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes before ru

She sat there, unmoving, her fingers poised over one of the buttons as she tried to make sense of his words.

“And that kiss,” he said, covering his face with both hands as he groaned. “My God, that fucking kiss.”

Her heart was thundering in her chest now; there were a million questions she wanted to ask, but she couldn’t formulate them into words.

“And I can’t see you,” he said firmly, dropping his hands to the bed as he shook his head. “I can’t. It’s not fair to you. Shit, it’s not even fair to me.”

Why? Why isn’t it fair?

But the words wouldn’t come.

“I just wish…God, I wish…” He trailed off as what could only be described as agony clouded his expression, and Leah felt a lump form in her throat.

“Shh,” she said, leaning over to run her hand through his hair, and his eyes fell closed. “Just close your eyes. You’re okay. You’ll feel better when you wake up.”

She sat there for a minute, gently ru

Her mind was reeling; none of what he’d said made any sense, and yet she knew he had just given her a huge piece of the puzzle that was him. She just needed to sit down and piece it together.

But not now. Right now, she just wanted to go home.

Leah brought her hands back to his shirt, undoing the remaining buttons before gently sliding it off his body and draping it over the chair with his pants. He was wearing a fitted white V-neck shirt underneath the button-down, and she left it on, figuring that was about as comfortable as he was going to get.

Water. Get him some water.

She made her way through the living room and over to the tiny kitchen, opening his fridge and grabbing a bottle of water. As she walked back to his room, she stopped in the bathroom and grabbed the small wastebasket.

He was sitting up when she entered, his face contorted in sadness as he stared without seeing at the wall in front of him.

“Hey,” Leah said softly as she sat on the bed beside him.

He didn’t move.

“Hey,” she said again, bringing her hand to his face and turning him toward her. It took his eyes a second to focus on her, and when they did, he smiled sadly. He reached up and took the end of her hair between his fingertips.

“You’re go

His words made her chest feel heavy, and Leah closed her eyes, needing a break from the intensity of the night. She had no idea why she was responding so viscerally to his suffering, but in that moment, all she wanted to do was take it away for him.