Emancipating Andie

Andie knew it was just jealousy speaking. After all, he had plenty of opportunities to “get into the pants” of other girls. He didn’t need her for that. He was genuinely interested in her. She could just feel it.

She and Tracey lied about being at each other’s houses that night, and when they arrived at the party, Derek gri

She felt turned on. She felt sexy.

She felt powerful, having the attention of this boy.

A little later that evening, Andie had gone to the bathroom, and when she opened the door, he was standing there. He backed her into the room and shut the door behind him, and at that moment, Andie was afraid. Afraid that she would make a fool of herself, afraid she wouldn’t know how to kiss, that she would use too much tongue, or not enough, afraid she wouldn’t be good enough for him.

She was afraid of all the wrong things.

He approached her quickly, backing her into the glass of the shower door behind them as he started kissing her, and as much as she tried, she couldn’t keep up. It was sloppy, and forceful, and her head kept banging into the glass door behind her.

This wasn’t at all how she’d pictured it would be.

His hand came to her breast, squeezing it firmly, and she tried to protest, but his tongue was in her mouth, making speech impossible.

Instead, she gripped his wrist and tugged. When his hand came free, she was relieved, until she felt it quickly slip underneath her skirt. Before she could react, his fingers were inside her. She flinched, standing up on her toes to get away from the pressure and the pain. Andie gripped his wrist, tugging again, but this time he couldn’t be budged.

“Can you stop? Please? You’re hurting me,” she mumbled against his mouth.

“Shh,” he said against her lips. “I’m helping you, baby. This is never going to work if you don’t loosen up.” And then his mouth was on hers again before she could even comprehend what he meant.

Her head was swimming, and suddenly he shifted his hand, causing the pain between her legs to increase, and she whimpered in spite of herself.

“Shh,” he said, kissing her again, the back of her head banging into the glass of the shower once more.

Somehow Andie managed to rip her mouth from his, and she turned her face away from him, pressing her lips together. His mouth was immediately on her neck, his hand planted firmly between her legs, and that’s when Andie saw her.

The girl was terrified, her eyes wide, all the color gone from her face and her knuckles white as she gripped the back of his shirt.

It took her a second to realize she was looking in the mirror.

By that time her skirt was bunched up around her waist, and she felt him pull her panties to the side. She hadn’t been aware of him undoing his pants, she hadn’t even heard a zipper, but all at once, she knew what was about to happen.

Desperate, she brought her hands up to his chest, pushing with everything she had in her, but it was like pushing against a wall. The cold shower door behind her provided no give, no escape.

She felt him try to enter her and she yelped loudly.

“Shhh!” he hissed, angrily this time, pressing his hand to her mouth so abruptly that her head slammed back against the door with a loud bang. She felt it reverberate through her vision, and for a second, everything went blurry. She wanted it to stay blurry. She wanted to disappear within herself. “You’ll like it once we get started,” he said. “You’ll see. Just relax.”

He kept his hand over her mouth, silencing her as he thrust against her again, but it was in vain. He tried over and over, the movement of his hips becoming more determined as he tried to fully sheath himself inside her, the throbbing burn between her legs increasing with each attempt.

She wanted to scream. She wanted to hit him. But she couldn’t move. She could barely breathe.

He jerked his head back suddenly. “Would you fucking relax!” he snapped, just as a knock sounded on the door. He froze, his fingers still pressed securely over her mouth.

“Yeah?” he said.

“Yo, O’Do

“Alright, gimme a second,” he said.

It was silent then, the only sound being the rapid thrumming of Andie’s heartbeat echoing in her ears and the muted sounds of the party on the other side of the door.

He finally turned back toward her. “This isn’t worth it,” he said with disdain, pushing away from her as he buttoned his pants. “Put yourself back together,” he added with an irritated nod in the direction of her skirt.

Andie’s whole body was trembling, and she reached down nervously, her fingertips gripping the hem of her skirt and tugging it down in shaky, jerking motions.

He turned to leave the room but stopped suddenly, looking back at her. “If you tell anyone about this, you know what will happen, don’t you?”

He stared at her as if he were waiting for an answer, but she remained silent, wishing he would just turn the knob and disappear. He turned to face her again, and her heart leapt into her throat.

“They’ll know you’re lying,” he said. “I’ll tell them you threw yourself at me. That you fucked me against every surface in this goddamn room. And everyone will know what a whore you are.”

He turned back toward the door, cocking his head over his shoulder once more. “And I’ll tell them you sucked at it,” he added for good measure. “So if I were you, I’d keep my mouth shut.” He winked at her before he turned and yanked the door open, disappearing amid the crowd and the laughter and the talking, the cheers coming from the beer pong table.

She backed up then, trying to get away from him, from the party, from the entire night.

This was the point she always woke up. She’d stumble backward, her back hitting the cold glass of the shower again, and she’d burst into tears, waking in tears that were just as real as they were that night.

But this time, as she backed up, it wasn’t a rigid shower door behind her.

It was warm, and soft, and comfortable.

Two arms wrapped around her, and instead of retreating from their touch, she leaned into them, closing her eyes and feeling the security envelop her.

“It’s okay, Andie,” Chase whispered softly in her ear. “I’d never hurt you.”

Her eyes flipped open as she bolted upright on the couch, her heart pounding against her ribcage. Her whole body was shaking so violently that her teeth were chattering, and she brought her knees into her chest, hugging herself as she tried to stop the incessant trembling. She wasn’t sure if it was a result of the dream itself, or the new way it had ended, but a cloud of overwhelming guilt descended over her, mixing with the fear the dream typically invoked.

The sheer weight of it pi

After about ten minutes of deep breathing, her body was still quivering and her stomach was churning relentlessly.

She didn’t want to be alone anymore.

Andie leaned over and grabbed her cell phone, hitting the speed dial for his number. She just wanted things to return to normal. She wanted to go back to a time when she felt happy and secure and confident in her choices again.

“Andie,” he answered, his voice gravelly with sleep. “What’s wrong? Everything okay?”

“Hi, I’m sorry to wake you up,” she said. “I’m fine. Everything’s fine. I just…I need you. Can you come over?”

She heard the sounds of him shifting in his bed. “Now?”

“Yes. I’m sorry.”

Colin made a noise in the back of his throat as he stretched. “No, it’s alright. I’ll be there in a few.”