Taking Chances

“Of course I'm here. Are you okay? After what happened, I mean. If I pushed you too much, you can tell me and I'll back off.”

I smiled and grabbed his arm, “I seem to remember being the one who started it.” Pulling him closer in, I leaned up on my toes and kissed him soundly.

“Harper,” he rested his forehead against mine after we pulled away, “I need you to tell me what you're wanting from this. It would probably be a bad idea for me to just assume what’s happening between us.”

I took a deep breath and ran my fingers across the back of his neck, “I can't imagine my life without you in it, and I'll take that any way I can because I don't deserve you, but –” I huffed out a frustrated laugh, my earlier fears threatening to stop me, “It's not fair to even ask anything from you.”

“Let me be the judge of that.” He kissed my nose then rested his forehead against mine again.

He wants this too. He wants this too. And you’re stopping it. I took another deep breath in and out before talking, “Even though I messed up before, I never stopped loving you, and I want to be with you in every way possible. The way you talk to him, and take care of us even though there's no reason for you to, well, I get flashes of you helping me raise him, as a family. And I want that. I want it bad. But I feel horrible for even telling you this. He's not yours, and what led to me getting pregnant is what broke your heart. So I can't ask you to do that. No matter how much I want it, I can't ask for a future with you because of what I did, it would be selfish.”

“I tried to live without you Harper, I tried to let you go and I couldn't. To me, there is no one else, it's only been you since the day I met you. I love you, which means I love him too. Those flashes you get? I have them all the time.” He cupped my face gently and leaned back to look in my eyes, “It doesn't matter to me that he isn't mine. If you let me, I'll raise him like he is, I'll take care of both of you for the rest of my life, and I promise I'll be right there with you to tell him about Chase, and how great his dad was.”

Tears filled my eyes and eventually pooled over, I don't know what I ever did to deserve men like Chase and Brandon, and their families, but I was thanking God for putting all of them in my life. “If we do this,” I warned, “you won't be able to get rid of me again.” I laughed and kissed him softly, “I'm in this forever if you are.” I whispered against his mouth.

“Forever.” He agreed and scooped me into his arms, carrying me to the living room, our lips never parting.

When he sat on the couch, I pulled back slightly to smile at him, and caught a glimpse of my family still sitting at the table. I looked closer to see the three of them smiling at us, Bree and Mom had tear-streaked faces. I remembered how much the entryway echoed and knew they'd heard everything. Having them support me and being happy for us meant the world to me, as I'm sure it did for Brandon.

Brandon had been looking at them as well, and turned to smile at me, “I love you Harper.”

If my heart could sing, it would be now. We'd told each other in discussions that we still loved each other, but hearing him say it right now, like this, was like the world was finally right again. “I love you too.” I trailed my fingertips down his hard jaw, and reached up to kiss him again. “You're sure you want to do this? Be a dad, early morning feedings, school and sports, teenage years...be with me for the next sixty years?”

“I think we could try for seventy.” He whispered, hovering over my lips. Now that we’d had a taste of each other again, it seemed like having our mouths apart from each other would physically cause us pain. “And yes, to all of the above.”

***

“Is everything okay Brandon?” I asked him a few hours later as we sat near the pool after lunch. He'd gotten oddly quiet all of a sudden.

He thought for a second before responding, “I'm afraid I'm going to move too fast for you. You were with Chase and pla

“Brandon,” I frowned a little, with what we'd been talking about earlier, I thought we were on the same page. Apparently not. “okay let's clear this all up, so there's no more confusion. Considering everything we had before, I think we are way beyond worrying about moving too fast. I want to marry you, more than anything. But I don't care when that happens, it can happen tomorrow or it can happen two years from now. I had tried to explain it to Chase, but I don't think he actually understood that I didn't need to be married just because I was having a baby. With Chase though, I hadn't been pla

“I'll admit I was worried just being with you would be moving too fast after the accident for other people, but with the way I feel, and after talking to Mom, Bree and Konrad, I don't think we are. Mom was right, our situation is completely different, and it doesn't matter what other people think. This is our life together, not theirs.” I laid down on my back, and put a hand over my eyes to shield the sun, “Answer me something before I continue. Being his dad, you really want that?”

He turned onto his side, his face hovering over mine, “I do.”

“Good.” I smiled and wrapped a hand around his neck, “I don't want you to just be the guy that raises him. What you said this morning, was more than perfect. I want you to be his dad, I want him to be your son. I want you to be my husband and if we have more kids later on in life, I don't want them to be our kids, and him” I pointed to my stomach, “be my kid. I agree he needs to know about Chase, but you're going to be Dad to him, and he's going to be ours. Just like any other child we have.

“I want you to be at the rest of the appointments if you want to, and don't worry, Dr. Lowdry already knows about you. She pulled me aside during my second appointment and asked about the father, I ended up breaking down and telling her the whole story. I swear those Doctors are trained to be therapists too. She knows that Chase died, and she knows you've been there for me. Honestly, she's like Bree and Mom, I doubt she'll be surprised to see you there. So if you want to be there, then I would love for you to come with me. I want you to help me name him, and if it's okay, I want you in the room with me when I deliver. I'm telling you, I'm not going to pick and choose what you can and can't do, I want you there for everything. I’ve wanted you there for everything, but I’ve been denying myself of what I want and pushing my emotions away. Now that we’re done pretending, I’m ready for it all, but you need to tell me if you're uncomfortable with any of this.”

“If you were any other girl, I would be. But you're my world Harper, no matter how strange our situation may be, being with you and starting a family with you feels right.”