From Bad to Cursed

Megan pulled up out front at 7:40. She gave me an up-and-down glance. “Alexis! Look at you!”

“I know,” I said.

“Carter’s going to lose his mind,” she said.

“We’ll see.”

When we got to school, Megan looked at me. “Ready to show Surrey High the new and improved Alexis?”

I wasn’t sure what she meant. I’d changed my hair and plucked my eyebrows, and I was wearing my interview outfit from the other night, all the way down to Mom’s earrings. But under it all, I still felt like me.

There was the Aralt factor, but I wondered if I’d misunderstood what Lydia had been trying to say.

Having Aralt in my life (in my body, I guess) hadn’t helped me sleep. It hadn’t prevented my boyfriend from hanging out with ninth-grade nature-baby tarts.

I guess I could see Carter being sort of surprised, but “new and improved” seemed to be overstating the case.

But as Kasey, Megan, and I sailed down the hallway, it was like all conversation, everywhere, stopped.

“Holy…” I heard one girl say as we passed by. “Alexis?”

As we walked, I felt my stride smooth out beneath me, my shoulders press down and back, and my chin rise. By the time we made it out the other side to the courtyard, I was kind of enjoying myself. No matter how much attention my pink hair had ever attracted, it wasn’t this kind of attention. Was it so wrong to bask a little? Considering what I’d been through?

Carter was in his usual spot, standing next to a campaign poster on an easel, talking to some kids.

As soon as I saw him, I froze. I felt like I couldn’t make myself move another step. It was like stepping out onto a stage on opening night—sure, the rehearsals were okay, but this was real. And there was no going back. What if he hated it?

Don’t be stupid, I told myself. How could he hate it? Who wouldn’t want their girlfriend to change from dumpy and rough around the edges to sleek and beautiful? Who would take an ugly duckling over a swan?

Megan squeezed my arm. “Good luck,” she said, and headed toward the picnic tables.

Carter was so absorbed in his conversation that he didn’t notice me, even when I stopped a couple of feet away.

I waited for him to finish up, and then I tapped him on the shoulder. “If I vote for you, will you put Pepsi in the water fountains?”

He turned around, blankly courteous, like he was looking at a stranger.

Then he blinked and drew back. “Oh my God,” he said.

I’d learned, from my mother’s reaction, not to expect applause and adoration. But I expected, at the very least, polite acceptance. Especially from Carter—my boyfriend, who was supposed to care about me.

“What have you done to yourself, Lex?”

“Done to myself?” I took a step away. One of my heels wedged in a crack in the sidewalk, and I caught myself just shy of twisting my ankle. “You don’t like it?”

“You look…” He put his hand to his face, over his eyes, and pushed it back through his hair. “You look like a Barbie doll. It’s like a costume.”

The air settled between us.

“Oh, okay,” I said. “So I wasn’t right before, and now I’m all wrong again.”

“There was nothing wrong with you before!” he cried.

“That’s such a lie,” I said. If there hadn’t been, why would he have Zoe come to his house at night? “Why do people keep saying that when it’s so obviously a lie?”

Suddenly he was gripping both of my arms. “Lex, does this have something to do with your sister? That club?”

“Please take your hands off me,” I said, letting each word have its own space. “That’s ridiculous. I just wanted a change.”

His expression softened, and I thought, desperately, fleetingly, that he would apologize. Tell me that he was wrong. That I looked beautiful, better than ever.

“I don’t know who this person is,” he said, gesturing from my feet to my head. “I don’t know…where Alexis went.”

My heart seemed to crumple, like it was a hollow ball of aluminum foil. For a moment, I almost gave in, let myself hurt, let myself cry.

Then I remembered the black tears.

And something hardened inside me. “Well, if anyone asks,” I said, “Alexis went to find some people who don’t make her feel like a freak or call her a Barbie doll. Or tell her to stay home while inviting Zoe over to help with their speeches.”

His eyes widened at the mention of her name. “Zoe stopped by for five minutes to drop off a book of political quotations. If you got some other idea, you should have said something.”

“No, Carter,” I said, my voice venomous. “It doesn’t work like that. I shouldn’t have to follow you all over town, asking if every girl you sneak around with is going to be the one you dump me for.”

I turned and walked to the picnic tables, where a space was quickly cleared for me. For a good ten minutes, I didn’t even try to catch a glimpse of Carter.

But when I finally did look up, he was involved in a conversation. With Zoe.

Mimi followed my gaze. “Who is that girl?” she asked. “Why does she keep talking to your boyfriend?”

“Her name is Zoe,” I said, smoothing my skirt over my legs. “And she has problems with boundaries.”

“She’s trying to steal Carter from you?” Emily asked.

“She doesn’t know who she’s messing with,” Mimi said. “That’s all.”

But I knew. As I looked around, I saw nothing but suspicious faces and pitiless eyes.

All aimed at Zoe.

And it almost made me feel bad for her, to be honest.

Almost.

The elections assembly was held sixth period. I sat in the front row, feeling everyone watching me as Carter delivered his speech. I could tell they all admired my new look. And if the rest of the school felt that way, Carter would come around soon. He had to.

When the final bell rang, he disappeared backstage, so I went to my locker, then out to the parking lot, and headed for Megan’s car.

“Lex!” Carter’s voice.

I turned around to see him rushing toward me like he had on so many other days. I reached out as he approached.

“Alexis,” he said, ignoring my outstretched hands. “How could you?”

“Pardon me?” I asked.

He grabbed me by the elbow and came closer. There was fire in his eyes. “Zoe’s just a stupid kid. She was so upset, she had to go to the clinic!”

“I’m not sure what you mean,” I said. “But if she’s so stupid, why do you spend so much time together?”

His nostrils flared angrily. “You know there’s nothing going on between me and her!”

I raised my eyebrow and angled my body away from him. “Do I, Carter?”

“Of course you do,” he growled. “I’m not the one telling half-truths lately, Lex.”

I blushed. “I don’t know what you’re so mad about.”

“Zoe found this in her locker,” he said, handing me a piece of folded paper.

only disgusting bottom-feeders eat leftover carcasses.

leave carter blume alone.

A bitter taste came into my mouth. I handed it back gingerly, as if it might bite me. “I didn’t write that.”

“I know that,” he said. “But one of your friends—and I use that term loosely—did.”

“Why would you assume that?” I asked, even though he had to be right.

“You want to go ask them?”

“No,” I said. “I’ll take care of it.”

“Look at those girls. I don’t get why you’re mixed up with them.”

I looked up at the Sunshine Club, clumped together in the dappled shade of an oak tree like a flock of songbirds.

Carter balled the note up in his hand. “They’re like a pack of wolves.”

I took it from him and stuffed it in my bag. “I’ll take care of it,” I said. “Meanwhile, tell Zoe to grow up. Nobody likes a crybaby.”

He took a half step back. “What is wrong with you?”

“Oh,” I said. “So now there is something wrong with me?”

His jaw dropped.

“Tell you what,” I said. “When you figure out exactly what my defects are, why don’t you call me up and let me know? I’m on a real self-improvement kick these days.”