As Dead As It Gets

“That’s all?”

“That’s plenty—and if you don’t believe me now, you’re going to very soon.” As she spoke, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a key, first unfastening my wrists and then giving me the key so I could bend over and free my ankles. “I’ve met people like you, Alexis. They spend years trying not to feel like a freak transported in from another dimension. It never works. No one will ever look at you the same way again. And on top of that, you’re tainted. Psychically speaking, you’re a magnet. You’re going to spend your whole life wondering what’s coming. What spirit is going to be drawn to you next. Who’s going to get hurt if you don’t watch yourself.”

I thought about Aralt and Laina. How they’d just seemed to sort of find me.

My resolve was begi

“Or…come with me. Be around people who understand you. Learn the ropes. Try your best to keep people safe from themselves.”

I stared at the table, which was carved up with initials.

I was remembering my parents’ faces as they watched me get loaded into a police car, handcuffed.

Then I imagined seeing that look in the eyes of every single person at school. All of them staring as I walked down the hall. Never having a moment when someone wasn’t looking at me and thinking, Killer.

“If I went…” I said. “What about school?”

Agent Hasan started to answer.

“Oh, please.”

The voice came from behind me.

Lydia circled the room and stood next to Agent Hasan. “You’re not seriously considering this, are you? News flash, Alexis: she doesn’t help people—she locks them up. If you want to help people, you’re just going to have to keep monkeying your own way through it. But God, that’s better than being a nameless drone in a suit.”

Agent Hasan finished her spiel. I hadn’t heard a word of it.

Lydia came up beside me. “Do you know what she’s really saying? She’s saying come with her because you should be scared.”

“But I am scared,” I said.

Agent Hasan smiled, thinking my reply was for her.

“Yeah,” Lydia said. “But that doesn’t mean you run away and hide. I mean, think about it—has she ever actually helped you? So she’s incredibly gifted at sweeping things under the rug. Is that what you want to be part of?”

I stared down at my hands.

“You know what?” Lydia said. “You have to make this decision for yourself.” And she disappeared.

Agent Hasan was waiting for me to speak.

“I…I don’t think I can go with you,” I said. “I have to stay here. I have to at least try.”

“Oh, sure. Good luck with that,” Agent Hasan said, shaking her head and starting toward the door. “Tell you what—give it two weeks, then give me a call.”

I looked around. “Do I just wait here, or…?”

“Come with me,” she said, gesturing to the hallway.

“You’re free to go. You’ll get a call from a man named Neilson. Just do exactly as he says and everything will be taken care of.”

“Um…thank you.” I almost said for everything, but I realized how untrue that was. “For your help today.”

“Don’t thank me now.” As I walked past her, she patted me on the shoulder. “Thank me in two weeks. Have fun out there.”

WE’D WAITED IN THE CAR until the last possible minute.

“Are you ready?”

I stared at the front of the school. “No.”

Carter reached over and took my hand. “It’s going to be okay, Lex.”

“I don’t know about that.”

I stared into his eyes, as blue as a tropical sea. A tropical sea a million miles away. One I passionately wished I could be beamed to. Actually, at that moment I’d take pretty much anywhere but Surrey High.

“You’re brave,” he said. “And you’re strong. You can do this.”

“Sure, if you say so,” I said, gazing at the doors.

The two-minute warning bell rang.

“I guess I have to go to my locker,” I said. “See you at lunch?”

And suddenly I was alone, walking down the school hallway, feeling like a famous actress making an entrance with a spotlight shining on me. Only the glances being shot at me weren’t the kind of looks movie stars get.

I reached my locker.

About forty different people had scrawled MURDERER across the door.

You’re brave. You’re strong. You can do this.

I tore my gaze from the graffiti, pulled out my books, and went to first period. The teacher looked up at me, then went back to taking attendance. I was late, but he didn’t say anything about it.

I sat in my normal desk. The four desks immediately surrounding it were empty.

When I got to second period, my library study hall, a security guard was sitting on the couch.

“I’m sorry, Alexis,” Miss Nagesh, the librarian, said, fidgeting nervously. “You’re not allowed to be in here unsupervised. And I’m afraid I don’t have time to sit with you. So you’re going to have to spend second period in the main office from now on.”

I nodded and let myself be escorted across campus. In the main office, I sat at the in-school suspension desk in the corner and tried not to feel the eyes on me. Which was kind of like a dartboard ignoring the darts.

And so on.

Between third and fourth period I stopped by the yearbook office. Fourth period was the yearbook elective class, so the Wingspan staff—most of whom were people I’d been eating lunch with for a month—were sitting at their desks.

Mr. Janicke stood up when I came in. “Oh! Alexis—it’s, uh, nice to see you. I guess this is as good a time as any to, uh, talk. I hope you won’t be too upset, but some members of the yearbook staff would be more comfortable if…”

“If I quit, right?” I said.

He nodded.

“Well, that’s why I was coming by,” I lied. “I was just going to drop off this memory card and tell you I decided to resign. So…good luck.”

“Thanks,” he said. “And we’re still going to do the Lydia Small memorial for you. I think it’s what Elliot would have wanted.”

“Sure,” I said. “Thanks.”

By lunchtime, there was hardly a visible patch of paint on my locker. I even saw a couple of kids writing on it as I approached.

But you can imagine how fast they ran when they saw me coming.

Somebody had written BODY COUNT: 4.

And somebody else had written AND COUNTING.

Lydia, Ashleen, Elliot, and Jared. No matter what the official stories were, nobody seemed to believe anything except that I’d murdered them one by one, in cold blood.

At least Kendra had finally woken up. And she didn’t remember anything about our conversation in the woods. So my body count wasn’t five.

See? You can be a murderer AND an optimist.

I changed my morning books for my afternoon books and reached into my bag to grab the paperback I’d finished reading in English. But as my hand groped for the book, my fingers hit something small and hard.

I froze, then dug around until I found the hole in the seam, which I’d been too busy to repair. Something was stuck between the outer layer of fabric and the i

Then I went to lunch.

I stepped into the cafeteria just as the bell rang.

And I swear on Lydia Small’s grave, every eye in the room turned to me.

I figured sitting at the yearbook table was out. But I guess I’d thought that maybe my sister’s friends might make room for me. Or the Doom Squad, maybe? They claimed to like scary people.

But everywhere I looked, tables were weirdly full.

Or not full…

They just didn’t have any extra seats. Empty chairs were piled high with bags and coats.

Making it clear that I wasn’t invited.

Back to my old seat at the Janitor’s Table, then—except the whole table was gone.