As Dead As It Gets

Part of the Wingspan? Yeah, I’d done a couple of shoots, but…did they not know anything about me? More to the point, if they did know, would they still want me to be part of their group?

I had no idea how to respond. So I didn’t. I said, “I think we’re ready.”

Elliot went back to the office and a

I leaned forward to check my aperture setting as Marley brought the first person in. “Here’s Carter.”

“Great,” I said, not looking up. “Have a seat.”

He sat, head turned toward the door.

“Look at Alexis, please,” Marley said.

His piercing blue eyes found me through the viewfinder. “How’s the camera?”

I tried to make my voice completely aloof. “Good.”

Marley, bless her heart, tried to lighten the tension in the room. “It’s a really nice one. It looks expensive.”

“Um.” I felt like my stomach had left my body. “Yeah, I’m not really sure how much it was.”

“Fifteen hundred dollars,” Carter said.

My breath caught in my throat. What was he trying to imply? That it was so expensive, he didn’t think I should have kept it after we’d broken up? He could have it, for all I cared. I would have returned it to him in a heartbeat. But he’d never so much as hinted that he wanted it back.

Then I had a flash of angry shame. He’d basically forced me to take it one night when he was supernaturally crazy-obsessed with me. He’d had three months since then—plenty of time to ask for it privately. He knew my phone numbers. Was he doing this to humiliate me in front of Marley? To show her that I was a bad person?

But when I looked up at him, ready to come back with a reply, there was no expectation on his face. In fact, his expression was completely calm and composed as he said, “I’m glad you like it.”

“Thanks,” I said shortly. “I do.”

I took a few test shots, then had him angle his shoulders away from me.

“Raise your chin?” I asked, clicking off a run of exposures.

I went on directing him, growing more relaxed with each frame. Why had I dreaded this? Carter was a mature almost-eighteen-year-old. He wouldn’t make a scene. And I certainly wasn’t going to.

After about five minutes, I stood up. “We got it,” I said to Marley. “Next?”

Carter had started to stand when a voice spoke up from the doorway. “Wait just a minute, please!”

Zoe edged her way in toward Carter.

She turned to me, venom in her eyes and a smile on her lips. “Can you take some pictures of us…you know, as a couple? We have some from when we went to the winter dance together, but I’m sure you can take better ones.”

“We’re pretty busy,” Marley said, in a strangled, high-pitched tone.

“It’s fine, Mar,” I said. “Sure. Why not?”

Carter didn’t look thrilled about it, but Zoe sat and pulled him down next to her. I repositioned the shot and fired off a couple of frames.

“Thanks,” Zoe said, dripping with artificial sweetness.

“Stop it,” Carter said, under his breath.

I looked at him over the top of the camera. “You might as well smile,” I said. “This is for posterity.”

Next to him, Zoe’s face bloomed into a blissful fake smile. With her short dark hair and pale skin in contrast to Carter’s conservative style, she looked like an elf on a date with an accountant.

A cute accountant, piped up the voice in the back of my head.

Shut up, voice.

I glanced at them as I clicked the shutter, challenging myself to let the full meaning of their smiles sink into my heart.

They looked like the perfect couple.

And it hurt. A lot.

“That’s probably enough,” Marley said nervously.

I straightened up. “Marley’s the boss. See you later. It’s been real.”

“I’m so sure,” Zoe said. She gave me a sickening smirk, then took Carter by the hand and led him out of the studio.

He didn’t look back.

I called Jared from the parking lot.

“Hey, stranger,” he said.

“Are you busy?”

“Not if you need me.”

I hesitated. Need seemed like a really powerful word—a powerful word containing a lot of powerlessness.

Then the sound of Carter’s voice came rushing through my head, making me dizzy with loneliness. Tears stung at my eyes.

“I think…I do,” I said.

Jared was on the porch before I had even put the car in park, and he was there opening my car door by the time I hit the emergency brake.

“Hey,” he said, looking down at me. “You all right?”

I tried to smile. “Better now.”

I leaned over to get my purse, and when I sat up, he was staring at me like I’d said something in a foreign language. But he just extended his hand and helped me out of the car.

“So what happened?” he asked, steering me up to the porch.

I sighed. “Rough day.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” I said.

“No, I know. Come on in.” He held the door for me. “I’ll make you some hot chocolate. Dad’s working from home, but he’s in his office.”

Sitting on a comfy lounge chair a few minutes later, chasing marshmallows around my cup with the tips of my fingers, I tried to suppress the uneasy feeling inside me—the feeling that I was here for the wrong reasons.

It wasn’t like we didn’t enjoy each other’s company. We never ran out of things to talk about. So what if it wasn’t like when Carter and I were together? Jared wasn’t like Carter, he’d never be like Carter, and honestly, I didn’t even know if I wanted him to be. Because something had obviously gone horribly wrong with Carter…or I wouldn’t be in Jared’s living room, drinking Jared’s hot chocolate.

He leaned back. “I’m glad you called, actually. I’ve had sort of a sucky day, too.”

“Is everything okay?”

There was a hint of sadness on his face. “We had a meeting about graduation.”

“Wow,” I said. “In February?”

“Well, it’s kind of a production at Sacred Heart,” he said. “Lots of alumni, ceremonies, rituals—”

“Animal sacrifice?” I asked.

That won me a smile. “More like a bunch of old people carrying ba

“So you’re bummed about having to spend a whole day dancing around a Maypole?”

“No, it’s not that,” he said. “That’s just the girls. It’s more like…something is ending. Endings are always sad.”

“Kind of,” I said, though I’d begun to itch for not only the end of my junior year but for my graduation the next year, too, and the promise of leaving Surrey and all its ghosts behind me for good. I knew there would be other ghosts out there, but surely the air couldn’t be this thick with them everywhere. Maybe I could move to Montana or something. A house in the country, a hundred miles from other people. Although, with my luck, I’d end up living in the middle of some old battlefield. “Or you could think of it as the begi

He shrugged, his smile gone. “I don’t need to move on. I don’t really want a fresh start.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, reaching over and taking his hand.

He stared intently at my face for so long that I got shy. “You’re sweet.”

“I get called a lot of things,” I said, “but sweet isn’t usually one of them.”

“Well, I see right through you, Alexis.” He raised my hand to his mouth and kissed it.

I tried to ignore the thrill that coursed through my body—but I couldn’t.

His eyes crinkled around the edges and he gave a gentle tug on my hand. I got out of the chair and went to sit on the sofa with him. His arms wrapped around my shoulders, but he didn’t kiss me.

“Hey there,” Mr. Elkins said, coming out of the hallway. He was in his mid-fifties—Jared called himself a “whoops baby”—and he always seemed surprised to see me. He was tall, with dark hair like Jared’s, and a short beard.