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Over lunch, when the other two were busy for a minute, Lee said to me, in a low voice, ‘Would you be able to show me the Hermit’s hut this afternoon?’
I was startled. ‘But yesterday, when the other two came ... you said your leg ...’
‘Yes, I know. But I’ve used it quite a bit today. It feels quite good. Anyway, I was in a bad mood with you yesterday.’
I gri
There must have been something in the air, because when I told the other two that if Lee’s leg was good enough we’d be away for an hour or two, Homer gave Fi a swift wink. I think Fi must have given Homer some encouragement during the morning, because it wasn’t the ‘Ohhh, Lee and Ellie’ type wink; it was the ‘Good, we’ll get some time together’ wink. It was very sneaky of them. I’m sure if we hadn’t given them the opportunity they would have come up with some lie to get away on their own. It made me feel jealous though, and I wished I could cancel our paddle so I could stay back and chaperone. Deep down in my heart I really didn’t want Homer and Fi to be together.
There was nothing I could do though. I’d been neatly trapped. So, at around two o’clock, I set off towards the creek with Lee limping beside me. The journey was surprisingly quick this time, because I knew how to do it now and went there more deliberately and confidently, and because Lee was moving more freely than I’d expected. The water gurgled along, refreshingly cold, and we just went with the flow.
‘It’s the perfect path in,’ Lee commented, ‘because we don’t leave any tracks.’
‘Mmm. You know, on the other side of Hell is the Holloway River and Risdon. There must be a way through from here. It’d be interesting to try to find it, by following this creek maybe.’
We got to the hut but Lee’s first priority was to talk. He sat down on a rather damp log by the edge of the creek.
‘I’ll just give my leg a rest,’ he said.
‘Is it hurting?’
‘A little. Only an ache from being used again. I think exercise is probably the best thing for it.’ He paused. ‘You know, Ellie, I didn’t ever thank you properly for coming to get me that night, from the restaurant. You guys were heroes. You really put it on the line for me. I’m not too good at big emotional speeches, but I won’t forget that, for the rest of my life.’
‘That’s OK,’ I said uncomfortably. ‘You did thank me once already. And you’d have done the same for us.’
‘And I’m sorry about yesterday.’
‘What’s to be sorry about? You said what you wanted to say. You said what you thought. Which is more than I did.’
‘Well, say it now.’
I gri
He groaned. ‘Oh Ellie, you’re so frustrating. You haven’t even started and already you’re getting me churned up. This is the same as yesterday.’
‘Well do you want me to be honest or don’t you?’
‘All right, go on, and I’ll try to keep control of my blood pressure.’
‘OK.’ Having said that I wasn’t even sure of where to start. ‘Lee, I do like you, very much. I think you’re interesting, fu
‘Oh Ellie,’ Lee said. ‘Why do you have to reason everything through all the time? The future is the future. It has to take care of itself. You can sit here all day and make guesses about it, and at the end of the day, what have you got? A lot of dead guesses, that’s what. And in the meantime you haven’t done anything, you haven’t lived, because you’ve been so busy reasoning it all out.’
‘That’s not true,’ I said, getting a
‘But a lot of it you were just making up as you went along,’ he said. ‘I remember how you told me you changed the plan about something, the route you took I think it was. And there were lots of things, like slamming the brakes on to catch the car behind: that was you going with your gut feelings.’
‘So you think I should live life from the gut, not from the head?’
He laughed. ‘Not when you put it like that. I guess there’s a place for both. I’ll tell you what it’s like. It’s like my music.’ Lee was brilliant, Grade 6 piano already, the best for his age in Wirrawee. ‘When I’m learning a piece, or when I’m playing, I’ve got to have my heart and my mind involved. My mind is thinking about technique and my heart is feeling the passion of the music. So I suppose it’s the same as life. You’ve got to have both.’
‘And you think I’m all head and no heart?’
‘No! Stop twisting what I’m saying. But remember the guy who lived here. His heart must have gradually dried up, till it was like a little dried apricot, and all he had left was his reason. I hope it was a big consolation to him.’
‘So you do think I’m all head and no heart! You think I’ll end up in this little hut, the Hermitess from Hell, no friends, no one to love me. Excuse me, I’m going down the garden to eat worms.’
‘No, I just think that for some things, for example liking someone, for example liking me, you’re being too careful and calculating. You should just go with the feelings.’
‘But my feelings are that I’m confused,’ I said miserably.
‘That’s probably because your feelings are being confused by your mind. Your feelings might be coming through loud and clear, but before they get to the surface your brain gets in the way and muddles them around.’
‘So I’m a sort of TV that’s been put too close to a computer? I’m getting interference with my picture?’ I wasn’t sure if I believed all this or if it was just Lee spi
‘Yes!’ Lee said. ‘The question is, what programme’s showing on the TV? A debate on the meaning of life, or a passionate love story?’
‘I know what you’d like it to be,’ I said. ‘A porno starring us.’
He gri
It was the first time he’d used the word love, and it sobered me, a bit. This relationship could easily get serious. The trouble was, I was avoiding mentioning Homer, and one reason Lee couldn’t understand me was because he didn’t understand about Homer – although he’d had a guess, the day before. I think he’d have been less confused if I’d been more honest with him. But I knew about Homer, and I was still confused. I sighed, and got up.
‘Come on cripple, let’s go and look at the hut.’
This was my third trip to the hut, so it was losing interest for me a little. But Lee poked around for quite a while. There was more light in there this time; it probably all depended on the time of day, but there was some filtered sunlight that relieved the darkness along the back wall. Lee went to the hut’s only window, a glassless square in the back wall. He put his head through it and had a look at the mint outside, then investigated the rotting window frame.