The Wanted

“I know you’re sorry. You already said that,” I snapped, stepping past him and into the hall.

Strips of white light cut me in half. I was dressed in black and red, and I was half-dark, half-light and on fire, standing in the cool sunlight. Denis shifted uncomfortably, like a beanpole in the wind. I ignored his guilty face and stared out of the window. It was a dirty winter, made of mud puddles and brown ice. I wished I could jump through the window and feel it—smell the rich earth, taste the crisp air.

I turned, and Denis was still standing there awkwardly.

His eyes swung to the camera in the corner carefully. “I just remembered, I need to borrow Judy’s music player before we go. There are some songs I need to download from it.”

Shrugging, I followed him back into the room. Suddenly, he shoved me into the bathroom and closed the door. He twisted on the taps and stared at himself in the mirror, bracing his hands on the sink.

“No amount of staring is going to change your stupid face,” I snarled as I caught my hideous expression in the mirror behind him, purple hate. Thin, angry, and not who I wanted to be.

“I’m really sorry, Rosa,” he said again.

I was getting a

He crumpled like my words were rocks thrown at his gut. “No. I’m sorry because I can’t go through with it. He’s watching me. He’s suspicious. I won’t be able to get the pills for your friend.” He exhaled loudly, as if it was so hard to say.

I wished I had rocks to throw. I wished I were strong enough to punch him. I clenched my fists at my sides. “So you’re going to let Gwen die because you’re scared of your father?” I shook my head. I should have known this would happen. “You could never deserve a man like Deshi. You are… beneath him,” I said cruelly.

He hung his head and muttered, “I know.”

My mind stretched and strained. I couldn’t let this happen. I turned to the wall, rich black and white tiles with swirls that looked like parsley leaves rolled in front of my eyes. Grant was suspicious. He was watching us both now. He was already distrustful of me. But his weakness was what he thought of me. He thought I was nothing, an insubstantial mess he could play with.

I strode out of the bathroom with a purpose tucked into my pocket. Denis stood there, looking pathetic. “Let’s go downstairs.”

I knew what I had to do.

JOSEPH

She’s almost out of reach to me now. Slipping below the horizon like the setting sun. And I can’t tell if it’s good or bad. All I know is that it puts the pain on hold.

A helicopter passed over our heads as we walked away from Palma. I ducked instinctively, as if it were close enough to touch me. Desh laughed. There was an old memory there, but I didn’t even need to shove it down. It was already buried. My head still swam in what Elise called hangover territory.

“Shut up!” I said as I elbowed Desh playfully. His look was suspicious, and I knew what it was about. My smiles were an endangered species. My smiles were a betrayal.

“Sorry, it’s just good to see you smile,” Desh said, slapping the tops of the ferns that whipped our legs with melting ice.

“We did good, didn’t we?” I gri

Desh nodded. “That we did, man. Can’t believe the way those helicopters flew away from there. It was like, one look and they thought, No way are we even going to try and go in there!” He was giddy. We all were. We were floating on a high after the success of Palma.

I glanced up at the sky as the helicopter disappeared from view, wondering what we would find when we got to Pau. I knew it wouldn’t be like Palma.

A deep, dark wish had been working its way to the surface like a splinter as we got closer—I could find my parents. The other, even deeper wish was maybe I could find her mother. But that was a small wish. The problem was the more I thought about it, the more I started to chicken out. Seeing my parents meant facing what I’d done. I wasn’t sure I could handle it or them.

I frowned, my headache pulsing in my temples like a heartbeat.

“Yeah, that’s the face we’ve come to love,” Desh joked.

Elise sidled up next to me and smirked at Desh. “You just don’t know how to bring it out of him. The guy just needs to relax a little.”

Rash snorted ahead of us. “Yeah, I bet you know exactly how to relax him!”

Desh strode closer to Rash and opened his mouth, ready to shout highly intelligent abuse at him.

I stopped him. “Leave him. I know he’s full of it, so does everyone else. I’m not going to let him get to me anymore, so neither should you,” I said.

“That’s the way!” Elise said chirpily, slapping me on the back.

I pulled in at the contact. “Did a mosquito just tap me on the back?” I asked.

She slapped me harder and a memory crept up and held me, angry, desperate hands trying to pull me down. Cuts, blood, fingernails digging, digging. I reached for Elise’s flask that she kept in her backpack pocket. I snatched it, and she turned around. When she saw the flask, she jumped to get it from my hands, which I held high in the air.

“Hey,” she giggled, her hair flapping up and down like a birds wings as she jumped.

I took a drink, letting it warm my stomach and calm my head. She was still trying to get the flask from my hands. I chuckled as she tried to hit me again.

“What was that? Oh wait, nah, it was just the wind,” I teased. Desh laughed along with Elise, but there was something off about it, strained.

“Here.” Desh offered his bottle of water. “Slow down.”

I took a large gulp of the spirit, ignoring the concerned stare coming at me from my other side and the water being tucked back into his bag.

“Give it here,” Elise said, taking the flask back.

Two drinks were enough for now—enough to keep bad thoughts in the background.

We stopped for lunch in a sheltered spot under cracked birches, shading large boulders. Thankfully, we’d been given ample supplies from the citizens of Palma. They’d refilled our packs and our flasks. I pulled my jacket around me as the clouds came over.

Gus threw his pack on the ground with a thump and turned to face me. Some of the others moved away from us like they were anticipating something. “Joseph.” he sighed my name.

I took a step backwards because I thought I knew what he was going to say. “What’s wrong, Gus?” My hands were two fists of rock.

Matt approached me, with Pelo shadowing him. Everyone else fa

“We had a chat about your, er, situation…” My situation? What did that even mean? “And we’ve decided that you shouldn’t go in to Pau with Pelo. One of the others will go.”

My fists crumbled at my sides. “Why?” I knew why.

Matt put his injured hand on my shoulder. “We’re just not sure you’re coping so well at the moment. We know how much you miss Rosa and Orry.” Don’t say her name. “We’re worried you’re not thinking straight. Grief is… well…”

I took a shaky breath and threatened Matt with my eyes to finish that sentence. It wasn’t just about missing her. It was about facing her.

Pelo put his hand on my head and patted me like a dog. “I’ll find your parents, I promise. We all feel that maybe you should sit this one out, son.”

I wasn’t sure what to say. “Did I do something wrong in Palma?” I asked, knowing full well there was no point in arguing.