The Wounded

“Wait… slow down,” I breathed. The smell of Addy traveled through me. The feel of the soft, hand-knitted blankets on my skin reminding me of all the times she’d comforted me. They were small, the gestures, like pulling the blanket over my legs after Cal attacked me, but they were so important.

I could just see Rash raise his eyebrows over the clump of stuff in my arms. “Oh, I thought you would want to get this done quickly and run out before you had a chance to miss her,” he said, taunting me.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “That’s not very fair.”

“As your friend Addy would say, ‘Life’s not fair,’” he said, changing his voice to sound like Addy at the end. My chest wheezed out a surprised laugh.

“Oh my God, don’t…” I said, laughing as I placed the things down on a table before I dropped them. “That’s not fu

Rash put his hand on my shoulder, cooling my hysterics. “Sit down, Soar.”

I did as he asked. Perching myself on the edge of Addy’s sofa, ready to launch if I needed to. Like he knew my plan, Rash shoved me firmly back. “Sit down properly.”

I leaned back and sighed, staring up at the wooden beams of the ceiling fa

Rash sighed too and I returned my gaze to him, as he pulled a folded piece of paper from his back pocket. “You ready?”

“No.”

“Too bad.”

He breathed in solidly through his nostrils and started reading.

“My dearest Rosa…” he said, his voice all scratchy as he imitated Addy again.

I snorted and smacked his arm. “Stop it!” I said with a smile. I patted the sofa and he sat down facing me.

“My dearest Rosa,

Telling you not to be angry is like telling a bird not to use its wings. So I’m not going to make such a request. You know why? Because I’m angry too. My life may have been approaching its last years, but I wasn’t ready to go. I wasn’t ready to go like this. I just want you to remember who you’re angry at. Don’t be aimless, girl. Don’t fight the whole world, and then be surprised when it crushes you. Use your passion and your anger to protect your family and yourself. You’ve lost friends before, but this is life. You will love, and you will lose. But you choose how you will react and how your life goes on afterwards. Make it count. Not just for me. Make it count for all of us.”

Rash smoothed the paper out on his thigh and handed it me. “She was a crazy old bat, wasn’t she?” He smiled.

I held my hands on my knees, one palm open, and the other scrunching Addy’s letter into a ball. Damn it! I don’t know what to do. I lifted my eyes to the ceiling, trying to keep the hopeless tears from coming out. She thought so much more of me than I deserved.

Rash slung his arm over my shoulder, pulling me closer. “She loved you. I mean, I don’t understand it, you’re such a pain in the ass, but a lot of people seem to love you anyway.” He rolled his eyes dramatically.

I sniffed and leaned on his shoulder. “Thanks, you jerk,” I managed.

Speaking to the iron-framed window I was staring out of, I asked, “How are you coping with all of this?”

Rash’s shoulder buzzed as he answered, “You know, I always wondered if we were alone. And now I know. The people seem nice. The girls are pretty. I know things are a bit crazy right now but hell, it beats picking up trash.” He stroked my hair with his cool hand. “And I have my friend back.”

“So you’re happy you came with me?”

“Of course.”

“Tell me if you need anything, Rash, anything at all,” I said, squeezing his hand, which was draped over my shoulder.

“Well, unless you can set me up with Careen, I’m good for now, but thanks.”

He kissed the top of my head, and it sat there like a calming balm for all my harried thoughts.

We stayed like that for a short while. Then Rash piled the rest of Addy’s possessions back into my arms and kicked me out.

“You better go before beautiful blond man starts wondering where you are.”

I put my chin on top of the blankets and pushed it down so I could see him. “You know I love you, right?” I asked.

Rash raised his dark eyebrows, and I swear I saw a blush rise in his cheeks. “Yeah, whatever, Soar. You’re sooo not my type.” He let the door shut and watched me carefully through the window as I trod down towards the hospital.

Death stung. Friendship loosened the barb. Love would heal it.

*****

Crawling into to bed with Joseph later that night, I shuffled close to where he sat with his strong back leaning against the headboard. I pulled his arm over my shoulder.

Fumbling around on the nightstand, I grabbed the small square of paper. I un-crumpled the letter and handed it to him. He raised his eyebrow and read.

He pulled me into his lap when he was done, cupping my chin with his hand and raising my face to meet his.

“She’s right, you know.” He kissed me softly, releasing plumes of sadness with each touch. “Just remember, you don’t have to do any of it on your own.”

I nuzzled into his chest and let his heartbeat sing its lullaby. “I know.”

Apella was draped in a wheelchair. And I say draped because she was as listless and translucent as a wet shower curtain. She was trying to stay alive for Alexei.

I could see the pull, the way sometimes her head would loll back, and she would cough for minutes without a break. But she wasn’t going to let go.

I wheeled her around the hospital, Rash by my side. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay with Joseph and me?” I winced as I said it.

“Nah, I’m happy amongst the doilies and crocheted blankets. Your friend Addy was a bit of a pack rat.”

My expression twisted, my smile shriveling like a raisin. “She was old. I think that’s what old people are like. They have all these memories they hold onto, you know, in things.” I turned Apella to the door, the wheels squealing. It was still too cold for her to go outside, but I wanted her to feel the sun on her face.

“Not in Pau…” Rash said, his mind wandering.

Apella croaked, and I pulled her back from the stream of sunlight.

Hands wrapped around my waist and a warm breath blew on my neck. I smiled.

“You left early his morning. I left Orry with Odval at home,” and then, like Rash had appeared from nowhere, “Oh hello, Rasheed.”

Rash waved. “Hey Jo…” When Joseph narrowed his eyes, he finished with “…seph. Um, err, I’m go

“Stay away from the glue,” I shouted after him.

He barked a hard laugh. “Haha! Yeah, very fu

Joseph looked at me questioningly. “Inside joke,” I said lightly.

He shook his head. “I hate those.”

I ignored him and turned to touch my nose to his. Looking into his eyes, I felt myself spi

“I’m going to go visit Pietre today.” I groaned. I had put it off long enough.

A voice carried across the ward.

“Ooh, my turn then.” Careen bounded towards us and placed her hands on the wheelchair handles. I cringed as she crooned to Apella, “Matthew said you could go outside today.”

“Are you sure?” I asked warily.

“Yes, Nurse Rosa, I’m sure.” She rolled her eyes at me.

I bent down, trying to co

She nodded.

I reluctantly let go and left her to it. Joseph and I walked out of the hospital. The air did feel a little warmer. It had that sweet, heavy smell of spring.  I inhaled and tried to remember when this place felt like home. But with every foot placed gently over a crack in the cobblestones, I felt the trudge of thousands of soldiers surging towards the hospital, the panic of the people as they ran. The way the air seemed cut up and filled with screams. I didn’t feel safe here anymore, not when I knew they could come back. And they had Deshi.