The Wounded

We had been waiting at the hospital for three days. No sleep, no peace. Our bodies contorted to fit into cold, plastic chairs. Life was on hold.

We ate and drank other peoples’ food. The Survivors had poured into the town and flooded every corner, cleaning up, cooking, and caring.

*****

Rash placed his hand on mine and Joseph stared at us touching, my skin hot and prickly under his gaze.

“Are you ready to hear it yet?” Rash whispered, his finger absently stroking my knuckles.

I bowed my head, ashamed of my cowardice. Rash had a message for me from Addy, but I couldn't hear it. Not yet. Not when I could lose Apella.

He let it go.

Plastic chairs shuffled and Orry stirred in my arms, his little nose twitching.

Rash smirked. “I still can't believe you're a mother. A real deal mother.” His teeth flashed white and proud at me.

Joseph shuffled closer and stood over Rash. “And a good one.”

I yawned, saying, “Yeah right,” and rubbed my eyes. I leaned my head on Rash’s shoulder, and Joseph flinched above me. It had been like this since they met at the hospital. Awkward. Weird.

I lifted my head to Joseph; he looked weary but still beautiful. His freckles faded from spending so much time inside. “Are you going to do that every time we touch?” As soon as I said the words, I regretted them. He didn’t say anything; he just clenched one hand in a fist by his side and walked away.

My eyes returned to Apella’s grey, papery hand. I hated her like this. You could probably lift her skin off like a silt blanket, and she wouldn’t care or notice. Sleeping, she already looked dead, except for the labored breath and the slight flick of her eyes under her eyelids as she dreamed.

“You shouldn't have said that to beautiful, blond man, you know,” Rash said, his dark eyes focused on his neatly clasped hands between his knees.

I smiled weakly. “Don't call him that; he hates it.”

Rash flashed me a grin. “Well, I won't say it to his face anymore. Geez, you'd think he'd take it as a compliment!”

“I don't think he knows how to take you,” I said, knocking his shoulder.

“Like the amazing guy I am, baby.”

“You’re an idiot,” I said, swiping a stray tear from my cheek.

Rash shrugged. ”Yeah, but you love me.”

“Yep, I do.” Like family, like a brother.

Apella’s eyes dashed around under her lids. Thin blue veins spidered their way across her brow. She was fighting, at least for now.

I stood and placed Orry in the crook of her willowy arm. Pulling up the bed rail, I tucked him in. Alexei slept in the other bed, sedated. Hessa was curled in a cot between them. I made a wish for Apella to dream of her family, her babies. Something safe and warm.

I leaned down and kissed Rash on the forehead. He shook his head like it was gross. “What’d you do that for?”

I poked my tongue out at him. “What do you reckon?”

He just smiled.

“Go home and get some rest, Rash,” I said shoving him gently.

“You’ll be ok?” His tired eyes flickered concern.

I wasn't sure, but I nodded. My heart hurt like the spaces inside it were being scraped down and widened. I would be ok, but Apella wouldn't. She hadn't woken up, she coughed in her sleep, and she muttered incoherently. Matthew said she might not wake up at all.

Rash’s steps grew quieter, and I was alone with the breaths of the dying and grieving. One came in gasps like gravel, and the other like a cry. Would Alexei survive losing her?

I twisted my hair in my fingers as I paced, watching my son breathe happily beside her. He was perfect. He was the good thing, the unbreakable thing, that would make me be ok. I would make sure I survived this for him.

All this intervention. Bags dripped to replenish her fluids, and oxygen swirled in what was left of her lungs. Ash had set like concrete inside her.

I leaned in and pulled a strand of hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear. She’d probably hate that I touched her like that. I felt the cry trying to escape from my throat, and I held it in. This grief, this sadness, was like a scrabbling animal with razor sharp talons. It hurt but I knew if I let it out, it would be too much for me.

Her face was so unfamiliar. Was she in there? I wanted to talk to her so much I felt like shaking her. I took a step back and knocked one of the chairs to the ground.

I bent down to pick it up, the leg scraping over the tiles.

A finger flicked.

I looked up.

And Apella opened her eyes.

I grasped at the red button and click, click, clicked it, fast understanding it was broken. Picking up Orry, I went to Alexei, rattling his lonely body until he woke. He rolled over and gazed at me confused. “Ro…sa?”

“It’s Apella,” I said, with a rigid smile, forcing myself into it because I wasn’t sure what it meant. “She’s awake!”

He sprung to her side like they’d always been attached, and I ran to find Matthew and Joseph.

*****

She woke slowly, as in it took hours. She seemed to be grasping at consciousness, digging her nails in and hoisting herself up, only to have something drag her back under. Alexei coaxed her like you would a child hiding under the bed from monsters, and gradually she pulled free of her coma.

She flung her hand haplessly at the glass on the table in front of her, and I placed it to her lips. She took a brief sip, pursed her lips like it tasted bad, and shook her head, pushing it away. She attempted to clear her throat, but it was like urging cement uphill. “Deshi?” she croaked desperately, her eyes moving hollowly towards Joseph.

He dipped his chin to his chest before finding her eyes. “No… I’m sorry.”

Her eyes were wet, but no tears fell. I sensed she didn’t have the energy. She attempted to breath and collapsed over coughing. “Whaaat now?” she wheezed after it stopped. It was exhausting watching her fight for every breath. Each word she spoke punctured her throat and sent her into a coughing fit. Every time she took a breath, I was so scared it was her last.

Her eyes still begged for an answer.

What now?

No one answered. We didn’t know.

*****

Hours later, a speckle of stars had pushed their way through the dark windows.

Rash tugged at my shirtsleeve. “Take a walk with me,” he said in a forced, casual voice.

I swung my head to the others crowded around Apella’s bed. “Go,” Joseph said with a cranky shrug. “Get some air.”

I ignored his attitude and gri

I followed Rash through the hospital doors, scrapes of cleared debris ru

“Um… yes,” he grunted tersely. “This denial or avoidance thing isn’t going to fly with me. Let’s just get this over with.”

“You’re the only one that can get away with pushing me like this, you know?” I muttered as I begrudgingly tramped after his dark, determined silhouette.

“Not the only one,” he called out behind me.

He was right. Addy could and did talk to me any way she pleased. I crumbled my hands together, pausing on my grief mid-step. Rash stood on her doorstep with his arms crossed impatiently. Amber light pooled over his concerned face.

I took in a warm, pollen-filled breath and met him.

*****

“Right. Take this… and this…” Rash ordered. “She wanted you to have this thing as well.” I hated the ‘e-d’ on the end of his words. He hurriedly piled blankets in my arms and then placed a china dragon on top of the toppling tower of junk.