Dragonfly

resistance and feed the needy people of the region. The heavy horses were led off to stables in

out-of-the-way farms. The bodies of the enemy dead were stripped and then thrown into a pit

some distance from the road for mass burial. It was ugly and brutal work. Ramil was revolted by

the bloodshed but he knew it was necessary. These wagons were the lifeline of Fergox's army--

an army that would kill all who stood in their way. As rider of the fastest horse, he and a handful

of others were sent in pursuit of those who had lied. This felt particularly horrible work, cutting

down men who were trying to escape. But if they carried word

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of the resistance to Fergox, the reprisals locally would be merciless as the population would

rightly be assumed to be harboring enemies of the Empire.

The last man down, Ramil dismounted and vomited into the reeds. He would never again make

the mistake of thinking that battle was glorious.

Tashi had known nothing about the raid. By the rules of the resistance, such things were kept

strictly to those who were involved, so she was surprised to find Melletin's tent empty when she

called by late that evening. She hadn't dared come back before now; her cheeks still flushed as

she remembered Gordoc's ham-fisted attempt to advise her. She'd spent hours agonizing that

Ramil would be thinking worse of her and finally could stand it no longer.

She had to come and see him just to check that he was still her friend.

Finding no one at home, she decided to wait for a few minutes. She made herself comfortable

by the stove, throwing on a couple more logs to warm the place up for the men when they

returned.

"My pretty!" Gordoc stood in the doorway, beaming at her. He was wet and covered with mud

and other stains, looking quite wild.

"Are you all right?" she asked anxiously.

"Yes, yes, just a little tussle out on the road. Nothing for you to worry about."

Gordoc strode to a washstand and began to clean himself up. The water turned pink as he rinsed

his hands.

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Tashi got up to pour fresh water into the basin for him. "Where did you get hurt? I can't see a

wound."

"Nor will you, Princess. I'm afraid that's not my blood but the other fellow's."

"Oh." Tashi tried not to think too much of what his great fists had just been doing. She'd seen him fight before, of course, but that had somehow felt different. "Where's Ramil?"

"Finishing up the job."

"You mean he's fighting too?"

"Like a tiger."

Tashi sat down to wait with Gordoc. An hour passed and the giant began to get restless. Tashi's

mind was whirling, imagining all sorts of horrible fates for their friend. He could have been

captured, killed, thrown from his horse in the dark . . .

The flap to the tent opened and Ramil stepped in, his face grim.

"Thank the Goddess!" Tashi exclaimed, rushing towards him. So relieved to see him alive and

well, she wanted to hug him but was too shy to do so. She hovered awkwardly an arm's span

from him.

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"What are you doing here?" Ramil asked. He knew the words sounded ungracious, but she was

the last person he wanted to see, sullied as he was by the deeds of that evening.

She stepped back, interpreting his mood as coolness towards her. "I just stayed to see that you

were safe. I'll go now."

He caught the edge of her cloak as she passed. "No,

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I don't mean it like that." He wanted to break down and cry on her shoulder, tel her how ugly

and disgusting kil ing was, how men died hard deaths, calling for their loved ones, but he

couldn't. He was doing it to protect her from all that. He couldn't tell her the truth.

But Tashi could see the misery in Ramil's face: it made her heart ache. She glanced up at Gordoc.

The big man was tactfully retreating to the sleeping quarters, sensing that Ramil did not need an

audience right now.

"What's the matter?" she asked softly, placing a hand on his arm.

His shoulders heaved in a racking sob.

"Oh, Ram." She pulled his head down towards her chest, allowing him bury his face and cry

himself out. Then when the sobs had stopped, she let him rest there, gathering himself to face

her.

He pushed her gently away. "I've made you all wet."

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"It's no matter."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize--and don't explain. I can imagine what you've seen--what you've had to do.

There is no shame in grieving for the horrors of war."

Ramil collapsed onto the pillows, exhausted by the events of the day. Tashi refilled the basin and

washed his face and hands with a cloth like a mother tending a feverish child. He watched her

through half-closed lids, marvelling that anything so beautiful could be near him now and not be

revolted. He noticed that he had left a smear of blood on her skin.

"Here." He took the cloth from her and reverently

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wiped the stain from her collarbone, but then his fingers hooked the necklace. He lifted it clear

of her bodice, the charm dangling between them.

An ugly mood flooded him. "One of Merl's presents?" he asked bitterly.

Tashi nodded, blushing.

"I notice that he doesn't go on any of these raids. The duke's little brother stays tucked up in his office with you. I don't suppose he cries all over you, does he?" Ramil knew she had done

nothing to deserve it--had shown him tenderness and compassion--but he couldn't stop himself.

He felt so hurt, he wanted someone else to feel the pain too. "No, I remember, he kisses and

caresses you." Tashi jerked back as if he had slapped her. The necklace snapped, the broken

ends left dangling in his fist. "I'm sorry. I should never have said that. I'm all wrong tonight." He 224

took her hand, poured the chain into her palm and closed her fingers upon it. "You should leave

me."

"I don't understand you, Ram," Tashi said, close to tears herself. "What have I done to make you despise me?"

He shook his head, unable to answer. It wasn't what she'd done--it was what he had just done

out on the road.

"I'm trying to fit in with your ways." Tashi rubbed her eyes with the back of her wrist. "But I don't know how to talk to you, or how to treat other men--

every step I take is a mistake."

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Ramil felt doubly wretched now that he'd made her cry. "No, Tashi: you're good and pure and

i

deserves you."

Ramil got up and left the room before she had a chance to reply.

Ramil woke late and rolled out of his bed with a groan. He still felt depressed by the events of

the night. Inspecting himself in the rusty mirror as he shaved, his eyes had a haunted look.

You only did what you had to do on the raid. What you need is some hard exercise -- something

to drive away this gloomy mood, he told his reflection.

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He lacked the courage to turn his thoughts to what he had said to Tashi.

He turned instead to the practice fields by the stables and began to warm up, stretching,

jumping, ru

as they called him. Ramil had become the new champion to beat, but today was not to be their

lucky day as he was burning with anger, cha