Ruin

“I know,” she agreed. “I know it here.” She pressed her hand to my chest, “And I know it here.” She moved her hand and pressed it to her own chest. “Have a nice rest, Wes, and know I’ll be waiting for you when you wake up.”

I nodded.

“It’s time.” Another nurse walked in, one I didn’t recognize. She gave Kiersten a sad smile and escorted her out, just as Angela walked in.

“Alright, sweetie.” Angela cupped my cheek. “Time to go to sleep and when you wake up — no more cancer.”

Confused, I stared at her, I mean really stared at her, I could have sworn I was looking at my mom. I blinked a few times and shook my head.

“Thank you,” I finally said. “You’ve been a fantastic nurse.”

“Remember one thing.” She grabbed my bed and began rolling it out the door.

“What?” I asked as she paused in the rolling.

“You may not see every single piece of the puzzle that creates your life — you may not see every move the grand chess player makes — but know, He is in complete control of the game board. Sometimes certain pieces are moved or knocked over to make room for new ones. Other times, things happen because of the world we live in. But everything, in the end, will always turn out for good. It’s a nice promise, isn’t it? To know that there’s a reason for it all? A reason for your cancer — maybe by having cancer you’ve saved the lives of three of your best friends. Had you not been sick, would you have met them? Had you not been sick, would you have found the love of your life? Maybe it’s not in the perfection of life that things make sense, but in the chaos.”

She stood and pushed me down the hall. Her words haunted me the entire way. As I was rolled into the surgical room, I reached for her hand. She gripped mine hard within hers. And then, when I was given the injection to sleep, I looked to my right, at her left hand… on her ring finger was a ring. The exact one my father had given my mom, the one she wore until the day she died… I opened my mouth to say it, but heaviness invaded my eyes, I fell into a deep sleep, a smile on my face.

Chapter Forty-Six

Ten hours? What was I supposed to do for ten hours? Pray? I was praying. I was trying not to cry and Gabe was trying to cheer me up by telling me embarrassing stories of Lisa’s childhood — not helpful, but he was trying.

Kiersten

After five hours, I was ready to go crazy. They said the surgery could take anywhere from ten to twelve hours. Randy said that if the doctors came out within the first hour it wasn’t good news. It meant it was inoperable, but he had high hopes, so the minute we were out of the woods after the first two hours had passed, I relaxed a bit.

I looked at the clock again. It was noon. By Five, I should have Wes back in my arms, hurting, but at least alive. I closed my eyes and concentrated on his kisses.

Gabe hit me in the arm. I looked up. A doctor was walking toward us. His head down. It was too soon. No! No! I knew it was too soon for him to be briefing us! My heart faltered and then thundered against my chest as I gripped Gabe’s hand and waited for the news.

The doctor smiled when Randy stood. Smiling was good right? I took a deep breath. I would have felt it if Wes’s heart stopped beating, I would have known in my soul — he was still with us, he had to be.

“It’s the strangest thing…” The doctor shook his head. “The surgery’s finished.”

“Why is that strange?” Randy asked.

“His tumor.” The doctor seemed to be having trouble forming words. “When we looked at it a few days ago, it was the size of the palm of my hand.” He held up his hand. “Somehow over the course of the last few days, it shrunk to the size of a small plum.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Randy blinked a few times. I could tell he was trying not to cry.

“The cancer’s gone,” the doctor said slowly. “It was only in that one location, very near to his heart, but operable. We removed the tumor without any complications. Your son…” The doctor’s voice shook and he drew a tremulous breath. “Your son will live to be a very old man, God willing.”

Gabe held me as I collapsed against his chest in thankful sobs.

“When can we see him?” Randy asked, his voice hoarse.

“He’s still asleep.” The doctor smiled. “I don’t know if it was the drugs finally kicking in, or just a miracle. I’ve worked in the field of oncologic thoracic surgery for fifteen years and never seen anything like it. We’ll be examining all the drugs your son took to see if there’s something to the combination that shrinks tumors in their final stages.”

“Alright.” Randy held out his hand, and the doctor shook it. “Thank you, thank you for everything.”

“It was my pleasure.” The doctor nodded to us and walked off.

I couldn’t see through my tears.

Gabe’s body shook against mine. I thought he was crying and then I looked up. He was laughing so hard I thought he was doing to pass out.

“What’s wrong with you?” I pushed against him.

“That bastard made me promise to be his best man.” Gabe laughed even louder. “He would live—” Gabe wiped his eyes. “—just to see me in a tux.”

I joined in the laughter. Lisa rose from her chair and grabbed my hand in hers. Relief, that’s all I felt, relief that he was going to be okay, that we were going to be together. I had to keep myself from ru

He was alive.

The love of my life was waiting for me.

Holy crap. I was getting married in a year.

Now it was my turn to laugh.

Chapter Forty-Seven

I dreamt of Kiersten in a wedding dress. I was at the end of the aisle and she was walking toward me. Then my brain fast-forwarded to us holding hands and watching our kids play in the yard. And then, even further, I watched our wrinkled hands touch as we were witness to another great-grandchild being brought into the world. My life — my future. It was all her.

Weston

The first thing I saw when I woke up was my dad. He was hovering over my bed with a look of pure awe on his face. The minute I’d seen my mom’s wedding ring on Angela’s finger, I’d known I was going to be okay. I knew with certainty that I really was just going to take a nap and then wake up and start my life — a new begi

Dad’s face faded in and out as well as Kiersten’s. I had no idea how long I slept. One day, my eyes stayed open. I tried focusing on something — anything. Finally, I was able to see another face. My dad’s smile made my chest hurt, either that or my chest just hurt from the surgery, I couldn’t tell if it was physical or emotional — nor did I care. It hurt — pain meant that I was living.

“How do you feel?” my dad asked.

“Like a quarterback.” My voice was still hoarse from having the tube thrust down it, but I didn’t care. I wanted to talk. Talking meant I wasn’t dreaming everything up. Every damn breath hurt like hell, but I kept breathing too. I told myself it would be a privilege to breathe through pain like that for the rest of my life — just knowing each breath was a gift..

Dad laughed. “Good, you think Coach will let you play in that bowl game?”

“When we get that bowl game,” I corrected as I tried to clear my throat and get my voice to sound more normal. “Coach promised me he’d let me play.” I winked. “Where is everyone?”

“I wanted a moment…” Dad cleared his throat. “Just to talk to my son. Alone. To make sure it was real. That you were really here and not still in that operating room. Did the doctors tell you what they discovered?”

I nodded. “The tumor shrank.”

“Son, the tumor shrank to a quarter of its size, all within four days.”

I couldn’t trust myself to speak. One nurse called it a miracle while the doctor gave all the credit to the medicine. I guess I’d never know, and maybe it didn’t matter how I was spared, just that I was.