Ruin

“A do-over?” I pulled away and lay. “Weren’t you just spouting nonsense about woulda, coulda, shoulda?”

“Right.” He laughed. “Thanks, smart ass.” A pillow landed on my face before I could stop it. I pushed it away and sat up as he did the same.

“All I’m saying…” He sighed as if he had the world on his shoulders. “…is that I wish all my firsts and lasts were with you and only you.”

“Bummer.” I sighed. “I wasn’t the first freshman you kissed?”

“Actually…” H smiled thoughtfully. “You were.”

“Mission accomplished. And I better be the last freshman you kiss.” I jammed my finger in his chest as he winced and threw the pillow again.

“First, last, only.” He bit down on his lower lip. “Favorite.”

“Oh wow, you must want me to have good dreams tonight then, you’re really laying it on thick.”

“Just covering my bases.”

“Oh yeah?”

“What?” He pointed down at himself. “I’m not dream material?”

“Point Wes.” I held up one finger.

Gri

“What if my dream turns into a nightmare?”

His face fell. “What do you mean?”

“What if you’re in the dream and I can’t reach you?”

“Close your eyes.”

“What?”

“Just do it.”

“Fine.” Humoring him, I closed my eyes and waited. His lips tickled my ear as he began to whisper.

“Every time you close your eyes, regardless of where I am or where you are, I want you to remember this.” His fingers laced with mine and then he pressed my hand against my own chest. “Wherever I am, whatever I’m doing, alive or dead, young or old, my heart will always be with yours. Every beat you feel against your fingertips…” His finger tapped against my chest, once, twice. “…is me calling out to you. It’s you returning the call. It’s us talking, communicating, bonding, sharing. Living — Kiersten, it’s us living. There may come a time in your life when your heart will have to beat for mine… but you’ll have to carry on if I can’t. Just like there may come a time when I have to do the same for you. But in the end, one of us will always carry on this.” He tapped again. “So there’s never a reason to be afraid of ru

I couldn’t trust myself to speak, not after what he’d just said. Wes had single-handedly put me at ease, as well as wisely taught me one thing. Control what you can, love what you can, and the rest, well… the rest was just the rest. So I couldn’t reach my parents? I tapped my fingertips against his chest. Well, I could feel Wes, and he was right. We were keeping our own time, making our own — living.

“Sleep,” Wes murmered. “I’ve exhausted you with my gibberish.”

“Not true!” I yawned.

Wes laughed and kissed my mouth. “Very true. Now, I want you to close your eyes while I hold you and keep watch.”

“Watch?”

“For the damn dragons!” he teased. “Don’t worry, I won’t let them take your virtue.”

“Right.” I laughed. “Because dragons are known to do that.”

“Never trust a lizard.”

“Uh, methinks dragons aren’t technically lizards.”

“Sure they are.” He turned my body so that he was spooning me. “Just like dinosaurs. Trust me on this, I’m a senior.”

“Sure you aren’t a super senior?” She yawned again.

“Go to sleep.” He nibbled on my ear a bit and then sighed, causing goose bumps to jump to life around my body.

Right, like I could sleep with him touching me like that. My eyes felt heavy as he continued to rain kisses down my neck and then I allowed my body to fall into that heavy wave of sleep — in Wes’s arms.

Chapter Thirty-One

So apparently I’m boring… Awesome.

Weston

I wasn’t sure what was more disconcerting, the fact that in the span of a few hours Kiersten had fallen asleep twice on me, or the fact that I’d been kissing her the last time she’d done it.

Clearly she hadn’t been sleeping well.

She’d asked me about keeping time — our time. Apparently, she liked that. I couldn’t lie to myself — I loved that idea. It made everything seem more permanent when it was anything but that.

I shifted away from her and looked up at my ceiling. The same ceiling I’d been staring at all my life.

A soft sigh escaped Kiersten’s mouth as she twisted in her sleep and then threw her arm over my chest, stealing the breath from my body. Damn, but that girl could pack a punch if she wanted.

“Wes…” she mumbled, her head twisting from side to side. In an instant I was pulling her close to me again. I wasn’t sure if it was guilt eating me alive or my sickness, really it was a toss up at that point. I was making her fall harder and it wasn’t like I was being anything but myself. I wasn’t lying, I wasn’t trying to get her to sleep with me, at least not in a sexual way — it was the first time in my life I was actually being real.

Great timing, I know.

“Wes.” Her lips found my bare shoulder. She may as well have just stabbed me, I felt that kiss, those lips, her wet tongue all the way up and down my body like a shot of heroin to my system. I’d never done drugs, but I could imagine that this was what it felt like.

Kiersten’s leg lifted and then went between mine.

Shit.

No way out of that one. I was going to have to suffer an entire night with the girl plastered against me and gain no relief in the process. Okay, so maybe I knew exactly what a heroin addict felt like. Hell, I wanted to take a hit, I wanted to drink her in, but I knew, if I made that choice for her — she’d end up hating me. I don’t care what girls say, no i

The one thing I knew I couldn’t give.

“Sleep.” I kissed her forehead again and held onto her as tight as I could.

****

“Wake up, sunshine, time for turkey,” I whispered into Kiersten’s hair. She looked like a really hot version of Cousin It. Her red hair was wrapped all around my pillow, my arm, my face, her face; it was like its own person with its own zip code and inability to stay in its personal space. And I loved the hell out of it. I parted the red locks and found an eye.

“There you are.”

The eye narrowed.

“So, still not a morning person?” I asked.

Didn’t think it was possible but the eye narrowed more until I was convinced it was closed. I pulled the curtain of hair farther back. Two eyes. Score! She wasn’t blind.

“Why are you staring at me as if you just discovered gravity?”

“I did.” I smirked.

“This better be good.”

“You.”

“Huh?”

I sighed. “Still too early for my i

“So why didn’t you go?”

“Because a ninja masquerading as my girlfriend was holding me hostage against my own bed all night.” I nodded to her legs as they intertwined with mine. “Not to mention the fact that her viselike grip was so damn cute I just stayed put.”

“Wes.” She jolted up. “I’m sorry! I’m normally not a—”

“Clinger?” I offered.

There went that eye narrowing again. I wondered if I was losing points by actually being a morning person. I hadn’t taken any drugs yet, mainly because I physically couldn’t move, so I wanted to soak up the happiness while I still wanted to talk to a person rather than my porcelain toilet.

“Don’t you dare start calling me clinger.” She moaned and covered her face with her hands. “Sorry for pi

I smirked and licked my lips. “Yeah, there are worse ways to go.”

Like the doctor using you as is own version of Operation. Only when he touches the edges you bleed out and your heart stops, no do-overs, no second tries.